Smallholders Insurance from Greenlands

Author Topic: Keeping Pigs????  (Read 2008 times)


  • Joined Aug 2009
Keeping Pigs????
« on: December 01, 2009, 08:08:47 am »
Is there a scam to be had in the UK?   Someone sent me this letter recently........................

Rt Hon David Miliband MP
Secretary of State.
Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA),
Nobel House
17 Smith Square

16 July 2009

Dear Secretary of State,

My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for 3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs.. I would now like to join the "not rearing pigs" business.

In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy.

I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?

As I see it, the
hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this?

My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was 1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any.

If I get 3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get 6,000 for not rearing 100?  I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about 240,000 for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about 2..4 million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable carbon credits for all these pigs not producing
harmful and polluting methane gases?

Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear?

I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)?

In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits.  I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election.

Yours faithfully,
Nigel Johnson-Hill

Living the Good Life and spreading the word


  • Joined Mar 2009
  • Devon - EX39 5RF
    • Ford Mill Farm
Re: Keeping Pigs????
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2009, 08:24:55 am »
Not sure what it's about.

A friend sent a copy by email to me today.  I imagine it's a joke.

But what if it's not???????

I think I'll plan on rearing the ones I have already (and not making money) and then of course not rearing at least 4000 and making a lot more   ;D ;D ;D

Pedigree GOS Pigs and Butchery for Smallholders.


  • Joined Sep 2009
Re: Keeping Pigs????
« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2009, 08:57:24 am »
Ever read "Yes Minister" or "Yes Prime Minister"? Some of the nonsense that they produced for the programme are actually coming true.  If you have read it relate the salami tactics in the book to the euro creeping into this country.  It is spooky how accurate they had the civil service.  There is a sketch about a european department on the 3rd floor paying farmers to grow grain and another department on the 5th floor paying farmers NOT to grow grain.  "No, that's not true!" said Bernard, "the ones paying farmers not to grow grain are on the 4th floor!"  (Something like that).  If you want to learn about British politics, this is a must to read.  It is funny too. Ros.   :cat: :chook:


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