[WinslowPorker]

Oh come on!! you cant leave a cliffhanger DM

[Wizard]

If you are sensitive DO NOT READ THIS Mick goes in the Precinct and in M&S window a sign SALE NOW ON and there are some Silver Wellies Just what I need they will all know I'm the foreman in them.In he goes have you got them silver wellies in size 12 lass.I'll look Sir .She comes back last pair sir.I'll try them on and a perfect fit.I'll take them please,but before I do can you put a mark on each so I know what foot I've got them on.Oh I don't know I'll have a look in the stock room The only thing there was the whitening used to write on the window with.Will this do she asks and puts a r on the right one and j on the left one Billiant lass here you are keep the change for doing such a good job.On arriving home he calls the Mrs What do you think of this then.Whats the walking sticks for? What walking sticks?Them on your wellies .Don't be silly lass thats r for right foot and for left foot.Ah Thats clever isn't it,thats what C&A will mean on my knickers isn't it?

[sandy]

     My children never forgave me for wrighting R and L on thier trainers and thier names in thier shell suits..they all ran and swum for the county, Leicestershire!!!!!

[Wizard]

Yes sandy It's funny how a grown chap or woman wants their name on their kit yet a child thinks its sissy.Ours were just the same .As Sean said one day.If someone steals my trainers while I am at PT they will steal my name as well Mam They wont take the trainers and leave my name in the locker.Now that is reasoning for a 9 year old

[Wizard]

So a bus full of them Wild Indians went down to London to sing "And did those feet in ancient times" and spent a pleasant time.When they came out Alice said to Janet and Margaret Lets go down Soho I've never been down Soho .So off they went looking in all the shop windows and getting very excited in wonderment Hey look at these a pair of those one on each end of the mantel shelf would be different they would look great Just like my Iain when we got wed all those years ago. I like that fluorescent green colour .No Margaret the pink ones is nicer.Lets go in and see how much they are.So in they went and made some enquiries and sought a price.Well I want the green said Margaret and I'm having the pink said Alice.I'm having the Tartan one over there said Janet.You're bluddi not said the man thats my flask of tea

[Moregin]

My mate at work was boasting about bedding a pair of twins the other night.
 
I asked him how he could tell them apart. 

"Easy" he said "Sarah has long blonde hair and Derek has a moustache"!!!

[Wizard]

Hey up Moregin .Is that what could be called AMBIDEXTEROUS?

[Wizard]

It's a bit early for Iceland jokes we will have to wait for the dust to settle

[Wizard]

The President of Iceland is reputed to have said He wanted his ash spread over Europe !

[CameronS]

A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!"

[CameronS]

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

[Dangermouse]

Q: what do you get if you have sex with a vertically challenged person with a social disease?





A: Smallpox

[Wizard]

Cannot remember if I have posted this If I have let me off its me age you know  combined wi me Alcymers
This rather distinguished lady some what like Maureen Goes into the chemists and asks the pharmacist for some cyanide.For what purpose do you wish to purchase cyanide modum?I want to poison my husband she replied.The pharmacists eyes grew big and he explained Lord have mercy you cannot do that for one thing its illegal for me to supply you with cyanide It's against the law to kill even a wandering husband NO NO NO you cannot have any cyanide.They would put us both in goal.The lady opened her handbag and drew out an envelope from which she took out a photograph and handed it to the pharmacist It depicted his wife in bed with her husband.He said Why didn't you show me This prescription first

[Wizard]

A chap goes to see his 85 year old Dad in the DPWH How do you feel Dad he asked what's the Food like Absolutely first class What is the care like Even better do you know at 10 O'clock pm they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra Pill .When he left he called at the nurses station and asked the sister whats this about giving my Dad Viagra at his time of life.Is it true.Oh yes replied the Ward Sister The cocoa puts him to sleep fine and the Viagra stops him rolling out of bed!

[dixie]