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Author Topic: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread  (Read 37968 times)

dixie

  • Joined Mar 2009
Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« on: February 18, 2010, 02:07:47 pm »
Theres been a couple of jokes here lately so lets have a joke thread, I'll go first!

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent one day but had not phoned in sick . Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? '

'Is your daddy home?' he asked.

' Yes ,' whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, ' No .'

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mummy there?' ' Yes '

'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No '

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

' Yes ,' whispered the child, ' a policeman. '

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

' Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman , ' came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered,

' The search team just landed a helicopter '

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...

' ME . '

sandy

  • Guest
Re: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2010, 05:50:23 pm »
 ;D ;D ;D

sagehen

  • Joined Jun 2009
  • Warwickshire
Re: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2010, 06:05:16 pm »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;)

CameronS

  • Joined Aug 2009
  • North East Fife
Re: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2010, 08:22:16 pm »
Eleven people shared one umbrella,
yet none got wet.
How did they manage?




It wasn't raining.
  ;D

northfifeduckling

  • Joined Jan 2009
  • Fife
    • North Fife Blog
Re: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2010, 09:38:45 pm »
what do you do with a rubber trumpet?







join an elastic band

sagehen

  • Joined Jun 2009
  • Warwickshire
Re: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2010, 09:42:45 pm »
An old classic  ;D


A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(you're gonna love this)






(its a real treat)







(a masterpiece)





(wait for it)


The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)

Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!

dixie

  • Joined Mar 2009
Re: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« Reply #6 on: February 18, 2010, 10:30:11 pm »
 ;D ;D ;D

Farmer

  • Joined May 2009
  • Sidway, Staffordshire
    • Farmeats.com
Re: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« Reply #7 on: February 18, 2010, 10:56:01 pm »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D...loved it!

Wizard

  • Joined Nov 2009
  • North East Lincolnshire
Re: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« Reply #8 on: February 19, 2010, 09:18:50 am »
A farmer storms out of the house.jumps in the Land Rover swears because it don't start as usual.Roars away to next door farmers house.Bangs on the door and a 9 year old boy answers .Is your Dad in? No Is your Mam? No she has gone with Dad to the market. Oh said the chap. If you want to borrow a tool I know where they all are I can get it for you. No i don't want to borrow a tool. He stood there mumbling to hisself for a moment then said to the boy Is your Doug here? No he's gone with Mam and Dad to Market.Bloody would have I wanted to talk to them about getting our Mary pregnant. I don't know about that said the boy I know he charges £500 for our champion bull and £50 for the G.O.S Boar but I've no idea about Doug
Don't do today what can be put off until tomorrow because today will be yesterday tomorrow

Wizard

  • Joined Nov 2009
  • North East Lincolnshire
Re: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« Reply #9 on: February 19, 2010, 09:41:52 am »
No alright then Chap walking past Albion House sees an Afghan chap on a 5th floor balcony shaking a carpet shouts up to him "Wots up Abdul wont it start"
Don't do today what can be put off until tomorrow because today will be yesterday tomorrow

Wizard

  • Joined Nov 2009
  • North East Lincolnshire
Re: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« Reply #10 on: February 19, 2010, 09:44:28 am »
The same dwarf goes in the cop shop a couple of days later and complains hes been pick pocketed."I don't know how any one could stoop so low"said the desk sergeant
Don't do today what can be put off until tomorrow because today will be yesterday tomorrow

dixie

  • Joined Mar 2009
Re: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« Reply #11 on: February 19, 2010, 09:54:05 am »
 ;D ;D Very good!!

Wizard

  • Joined Nov 2009
  • North East Lincolnshire
Re: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« Reply #12 on: February 19, 2010, 11:11:40 am »
The Land Rover injection was to cheer up Miri Shes not got the only one thats a bad starter.Its all quiet on that post just now dont know if OH has got it going? :farmer:
Don't do today what can be put off until tomorrow because today will be yesterday tomorrow

Wizard

  • Joined Nov 2009
  • North East Lincolnshire
Re: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« Reply #13 on: February 19, 2010, 11:17:41 am »
Any way another
THINGS TO DO TODAY
 1 Get organized
 2 Talk to O H
 3 Get reorganized
 4 Talk to O H again
 5 Abandon the whole idea
 6 Talk to myself
 Does it work for you? Dont forget if you talk to God .You are praying.If God talks to you You need help ;D
Don't do today what can be put off until tomorrow because today will be yesterday tomorrow

northfifeduckling

  • Joined Jan 2009
  • Fife
    • North Fife Blog
Re: Lets have a laugh, A Joke Thread
« Reply #14 on: February 19, 2010, 12:49:20 pm »
 ;D ;D ;D :&>

 

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