[Wizard]

One more then I'm off to Louth.Little six year old boy enters the ladies locker room at the gym.Loud shrieks and screams and searching for towels .Whats up haven't you seen a little boy before?

[WinslowPorker]

Rod Stewart, Madonna & Elton John are walking through Regents Park when Madonna slips on a dog turd and ends up with her head stuck between the railings, the other two quickly phone the fire brigade to come and resuce her, but the sight of Madonnas bottom becomes too much for Rod and he looks around goes off to Madonna and gives her a good shagging, when finished he turns to Elton John and says 'go on why dont you have a go?' Elton looks and says 'no, dont think i coiuld get my head between the railings'
 

[WinslowPorker]

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked
about his bill and the barber replied, "I cannot accept money from you, I'm
doing community service this week."  The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you'
card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber
again replied, "I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this
week." The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card
and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.                 

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, "I can not accept money from you. I'm doing
community service this week."  The M.P. was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen M.P.s
lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens
of our country and the politicians who run it.

[Daveravey]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[Daveravey]

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.

After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".

The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

[Dangermouse]

 

[Wizard]

Am back £75 lighter for 2 rubber bushes that  hold the axle up to the sub frame Bluddi cars Miri they are as bad as Land Rovers

[Wizard]

Agnes the local church gossips Lays into Frank and told every one he was a drunkard.How do you make that out? Well he was to drunk to drive home last night and left his truck in the Kings Head yard.Now this came back to Frank and he thought I'll get her back for this.So that night after dark he quietly parked his truck outside Agnes cottage and walked home!

[Wizard]

The boy arrived late for afternoon class and the teacher bawled him out "where have you been?"Up Penny Lane Sir at that another boy came in and was asked where were you then? Up Penny Lane Sir and yet another lad came in with the same story.Sir just started to remonstrate with the boys when in came a lass "Don't dare tell me you have been up Penny Lane as well" Oh no Sir I am Penny Lane 

[WinslowPorker]

Mrs Seamus is teaching her class of 6 yr olds in sunnny Ireland and asks who knows the meaning of the word contagious, Paddy junior puts his hand up and says 'my cousin has chicken pox and mum says it is contagious' ' well done' replies Mrs Seamus at which point Mick Junior puts his hand up and says ' Shaun next door is painting the outside of his house with a 1 inch brush and my pa says it will take the 'cont ages'' 

[Wizard]

Mornin WP Slight variation on the theme.The little boy told teacher "My Dad said the man next door has just had six meters of ready mix shot in his drive way and it'll take that contagious to shift that lot

[Wizard]

The dizzy blond goes jumping up and down screaming with delight The boy friend gets up and jumps up and down with her What's all the excitement Marilyn.Well I was in Boots this morning and they had pregnancy test kits in twin packs.I did a test positive so I did one with the other and it's positive Isn't it great we are going to have TWINS

[WinslowPorker]

What do you call a blond with a brain?.................................Labrador 

[JulieS]

 

[Dangermouse]

Why do blondes wear knickers................no no no too rude