[Dangermouse]

If I get told off Im blaming you buddy.......

[Wizard]

You might as well every one else does you ask Dixie or anne 22

[Dangermouse]

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.


I have two female parrots,
 

But they only know how to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest inquired.

They say,

'Hi, we're hookers!

Do you want to have some fun?'

That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,

Then he thought for a moment.
'You know,' he said,

'I may have a solution to your problem.

I have two male talking parrots,

Which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

Bring your two parrots over to my house,

And we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,

And your parrots are sure to stop saying . .

That phrase . . In no time.'

Thank you,' the woman responded,

'this may very well be the solution.'


The next day,

She brought her female parrots to the priest's house.

As he ushered her in,

She saw that his two male parrots
Were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.

Impressed,
She walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes,

The female parrots cried out in unison:

Hi, we're hookers!

Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence.

Shocked,

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot

And exclaimed,

'Put the beads away, Frank.

Our prayers have been answered!'

[Wizard]

DM I'll take the blame for that

[Dangermouse]

Good man....and this one?

Little boy walks in on his mummy and daddy having sex, lad says "mummy, daddy, what are you doing?" dad replies "making you a little brother or sister", the lad rocks on his heels and thinks for a moment then says to his dad "do it doggy style, I want a puppy!"


Im gonna get banned.......

[Jackie]

I dont mind the rude jokes but Ive heard those.   

[Dangermouse]

Sorry........Im a failure.......

Better go for a shower now 

[Jackie]

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and gently explained, "I've got some bad news. You have an aggressive cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order..."

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

How a woman puts her affairs in order.


"Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini."

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, "I've been diagnosed with terminal AIDS ." The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, "Mother, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?"


"Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone

[Dangermouse]

 

[Dangermouse]

Three women die together in an accident


And go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says,

'We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough,

There are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,

And although they try their best to avoid them,

The first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says,

'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'


The next day,

The second woman steps accidentally on a duck

And along comes St. Peter,

Who doesn't miss a thing.

With him is another extremely ugly man.

He chains them together

With the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and,

Not wanting to be chained
For all eternity to an ugly man, is very,

VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months

Without stepping on any ducks,

But

One day St.Peter comes up to her

With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on

.... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.





St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says,

'I wonder what I did to deserve being
Chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says,

'I don't know about you,


But I stepped on a

Duck

[Jackie]

Cruel, very cruel. hehehehe! 

[Wizard]

So the bell donged and Peter answered the Pearly Gates Bell.Outside were 40 Travellers complete kit Tranny vans caravans dogs the whole caboodle.How many of you are there?40 Mister.Wait here I will check if you can come in.He goes into the office and rings God .I have 40 Travellers wanting to come in shall I let them in ?40 exclaims God.We have our allocation of Pikey's this month.Tell them to choose among themselves but you can only admit 20.Peter returns to tell them and then he returns to the office and rings God back.Now what? They've gone God.What all 40 of them?No the Pearly Gates.

[Dangermouse]

What has has clint eastwood and Anal Sex got in common with each other?



One will make your day

the other will make your hole week



(think about it) 

[Wizard]

Right DM So he was sitting in comfy reading his paper when she returned "Where have you been while now "He asked I ran out of petrol she replied It must have run out when it turned over!

[Wizard]

This 5 year old was riding in the front of the car when this VW convertible with the hood down tears past and a nubile young woman with no clothes on stands up and waves at them.Look Daddy that lady isn't wearing her seat belt