[faith0504]

My OH has just been diagoinsed with cancer, mouth cancer, he went to the docs 2 weeks ago, because he had what looked like a big ulcer on the roof of his mouth, it was giving him ear ache, and he was due to be flying out long haul this week end to start a new job, he didnt want to fly with a bad ear so asked doc for tablets, his doctor referred him the next day to the hospital as he didnt know what was up with him, anyhow x ray, camera, photos, ect he went to see consultant today, and was told the news, he is currently still at the hosp having an mri done, and he is being admitted on monday to be operated on, on tuesday,
im at home as i still cant sit with my back, i arranged for his son to come up to spend some time with us last week so his son is at the hospital with him, at the moment, they should be home about teatime.
please can anyone help me as to how i should deal with this, i know we have to stay positive, im in shock at the moment i think.

sorry if this doesnt make much sense, tried to get it all down as best i can, dont really know what to do next, apart from be strong for my Oh and his son,

 

[ellisr]

Everybody deals with things differently try to see if you can speak to a macmillan nurse they are very special people and help you through things.

It is really sad news and devestating to the people closest.

I send my love and huge hugs for everyone, try to keep smiling and remember everyday we have is special (which I know all too well)

[faith0504]

thanks mate 

[doganjo]

I think you need to speak to at least your GP if not the consultant as you will need to be involved in after care after the operation.  I imaging he may need specially prepared food apart from anything else.  Yes, obviously you need to stay positive but that is difficult to do.  My cousin has had breast, brain and lung cancer and is now in remission so it isn't all bad.  I think when they do the operation they'll have a better idea of the action needed afterwards - radio and chemo therapy for  example.  In the meantime, you need to look after yourself so you can help him, and you can blow off steam on here.  We are all thinking of you.

[sabrina]

The word cancer does turn your life upside down, all I can say treatmeant today saves life. I am still here and doing well and people who were treated same time as myself are the same. I knew of one man who had what your husband has, his treatmeant was not so straight forward as most of us but he survived and is still going strong as i see him when we have our yearly check ups. Take each day as it comes, he will need all your  help to cope over the coming weeks. If you feel down some days talk to a good friend or the MacMillan nurse about all your concerns. They can advise over money worries if he is unable to work and give you both the support you will need. Keep talking to him  so he does not bottle things up. I wish you both well and hope you get some good news over the coming weeks.

[Cinderhills]

I have no words of wisdom I'm afraid, but am thinking of you at this worrying time. 

[faith0504]

thank you so much, we have only been together 18 months, know eahc other for 6 years,  i moved up to scotland so we could and can live both ours dreams, moved into our dream small holding in september last year, we have so much we want to do together, i will have to go to the hosp with him on monday, somehow, its a 2 hour drive from here to the hospital, im a fighter by spirit, will get my head round this.

Thanks for letting me chat im along way from my family,  

[Sandy]

You must both be in turmoil at the moment, you need to talk to help deal with things, we all are around for suppost 

[Pony-n-trap]

Thoughts are with you both at this moment, as another post said, just the word cancer turns your life upside down, the shock must be tremendous.  Am hoping for you and your OH that the fact he went to the GP so quickly and was referred so quickly will mean that treatment will be started very soon. And the outcome will be good.

I too moved to Scotland to be with my OH and I know how you feel being so far away from family and friends, like the saying, its good to talk, just having someone to talk to can sometimes be difficult.

We are here for you, post all you like, ramble if you have to, we are here, reading your words and trying to offer help and support.

Love to you all at this time, keep us posted. xxx

[plumseverywhere]

Hello Faith, I'm so sorry - what a terrible shock for you all.
I think Sabrina hit the nail on the head when she said the word cancer can turn your world upside down. YOu need some time to come to terms with the diagnosis. You will, I am sure, amaze yourself with a hidden strength that will come forward after this and you will be able to face with your partner, all that is thrown your way treatment wise.
Keep talking to the professionals. Once you are armed with information the situation becomes slightly less scary. Fear of the unknown is the worst fear with any illness but especially cancer.
Remember that there have been so many advances in cancer care and that cure is possible and common place compared to several years ago.
keep talking Faith, it helps so much and you know you can message me on FB as well if you need a chat
Lisa xxx

[pikilily]

Hello... what can anyone say.

You will feel totally sick to your stomach, frightened, unsure and utterly fragile. Be true to yourself, feel all your emotions.....and be human. You will not be the person he loves if you switch off your feelings to try to protect him. None of us are superhuman, we can be strong for our loved ones but we have to accept that we will get it wrong, say the wrong things, and want to scream cry etc. Let him be strong for you, too!

I am going through an awful horrible illness with my daughter- she is starting to relapse at the moment. It breaks my heart to see her suffer and to know that this wont have a good ending...but, I still get angry with her, yell at her.... have blazing rows etc.... as well as laugh and giggle... I dont hold back just because she is ill. Its tough, but it is not just life, but living that is important!! .....Remember to laugh and giggle, too!!

a big dollop of virtual HOPE coming your way....Emma T

[Helencus]

Huge hug for you Faith. You're bound to be terrified all of you. They thought I had cancer a year ago and it took a week to confirm it wasn't. In that week I aged 20 yrs with the worry scared stiff it's only natural when the big C is mentioned so I can imagine how you all feel with confirmation.
It is truly amazing how strong people can be and what you will find you can deal with but keep talking take each day at a time and try to stay positive. Sending hugs and will say prayers for you all 

[Hilarysmum]

Faith my heart aches for you all.  On the positive side, my friend has just reached her 13th year after an op for cancer of the liver.  At the time of the operation they were giving her six months at the best.  Well she is still here, taking care of her second generation family, and a very fit and active lady.  She always says that her friends and family support and the fact that everyone kept very positive was the biggest boost and the reason, she feels, that she is here and enjoying life still.

Badly put, sorry hope though this makes some sense.

[faith0504]

THANK YOU EVERYONE,

They are on there way back from the hospital now, should be home teatime, got my orders to make sure the kettle is on, lots of talking and hugs tonight i think, and possibly the odd tear,

I plan to make the most of the next 4 days, with him before battle commences, on monday, i think that is the best way.

This is going to be one hell of a roller coaster ride, i think, scared to death if im honest, and in shock, cant stop shaking.

Thank you  

[Hilarysmum]

If you can, come on here and let us know how you are, sometimes just having someone to talk to, even if via a web site, can be very supportive.