[HappyHippy]

Okay, here's a situation for you !
Second daughter's first day of school and the chatty mums are all looking more chatty & aggitated than normal, upon enquiring as to the source of this somewhat neurotic chatter I'm told that there's a man in the playground who's been conviced of rape and interfereing with young girls, spent time in prison for it and is on the sex offenders register.
 Now, he was there with his wife, dropping off his son for his first day, which I suppose he's entitled to do - but he went right into the classroom and had been taking photos. (I should add that he's still got his kids, 2 boys, becauce the court feels he's not a risk to young boys and his wife's a social worker)
The school's official line is that they've upped security - key locks and cameras on both doors and playground assistants to supervise at all times.
Obviously the police won't discuss the in's and out's of his individual case and what he can and can't do with me.
The mum's are drawing up a petition - but I'm unsure as to what this will achieve. I certainly don't want to see his kids run out of school because of their father.

What would you do ?
Should I be worried ?

I'm counting on all of you for some frank talking & advice 

[sandy]

I can understand parents problems and can see matters from all sides.

1. I find it wrong that anyone can take photos in the classroom, that is what would concern me, most people take photos of their child ready for school on the first day and maybe outside the school gates.

2.He has served his sentance and has been risk asessed not saying things don't go wrong but unless people know the full details of his case people should not jump to conclusions, I know of a young teenager with mild learning difficulties who was put on the sex offenders register for pinching a girls bum! Once your on that register y ou are on it for life!!!

3.The family must be well aware of the situation and will pick up the predjudice it may be a good idea for a private meeting, with the school head, the man and his wife and a representative from the parents, so they can air thier views. The man need not divulge what he has/hasn't done but can at least put some clarity on things.

4. My concern would be grooming young girls by getting to know them really well, a lot of peodophiles go out of thier way to be cool, trendy and chatty to children!!!!


5. Take the oppertunity for a family discussion on the matter, not about the man but a simple chat about sex offenders!!! My computor is now being silly so no spell check

[jameslindsay]

I think it is a horrible situation for you all to be in and don't know what to do for the best although Sandy's suggestions make sense. I fear that the people most hurt by petitions etc will be the offenders poor kids! Let us know what happens, I hope all goes well.

[sandy]

Not sure what went wrong but OK now.

I remember when pictures of know sex offenders was put in newspapers, my brother went mad, he said as he lived alone people may think one looks like him!!!!! wrong accusations spin out of controle easily like Chinese whispers. At least you are aware of the man, even if he poses no threat, BUT, there are a lot of sex offenders who have not been found out, how many of them are working with your children!!! I worked with many family's who had family members suspected of abuse but as there was no evidence, nothing was done...much more worrying.  p.s. I would be worried too

[little blue]

It does kind of depend on the circumstances of the conviction and when it happened.
If he is a risk to the girls in the playground, the s/o register and conditions of release should reflect this.
So maybe he shouldn't even be there but dont know if police/probation/social services would divulge this to you or to the school.  Ask the head what is in place for monitering and protecting all the kids, there should be something.
Yes it is a worry, but as already said, many others are not convicted or monitered, so all kids and parents should take care

[HappyHippy]

Thanks for your replys.

James, I agree that I'd hate his kids to be victimised or suffer unfair treatment.

I'm not one to go in all guns blazing for a confrontation and certainly don't want to go jumping on the 'manhunt' bandwagon.

Sandy, so glad you replied - knew social work was your speciality. The school has always had an open photography policy, it is a small village school and I suppose there's never been a need to change it - I suspect it will be getting changed VERY soon.
I know he's served his sentance, but was only recently released - it all seems VERY fresh.
He's not someone who strikes me as being able to appear 'cool, trendy or chatty' - I hate being stereotypical, but when I picture a paedophile he's exactly like that - old, grey and sick looking and he's definately keeping well away from everyone else in the playground, I'll be checking that it stays like that !
The family meeting to discuss sex offenders seems like SUCH a good idea, but my kids are only 4 and 6, still babies in my eyes. I hate the thought of having to tell them that people like this exist in the world and make them untrusting of people, they're both so sociable little girls (but then i suppose so were the victims) I'll have to bite the bullet as they say and broach SOMETHING with them, strangers and inappropriate touching maybe ?

Thanks for your responses, keep them coming.
I'll keep you up to date as things progress.

[sabrina]

I would say you can never be too careful these days when young children may be at risk. Yes he has served his time but these people pray on young minds as they are easy targets so how do you know if he will not be tempted again. I am surprised at the school on the photo taking as I thought all that was stopped. All you can do is be aware and listen to what your children talk about. His own kids need to enjoy their school years just as much as anyone else but I expect they will pick up what is being said over the years and suffer in the long run.

[sandy]

Children are never too young, you will need to taylor what  you say, don't worry them too much but use words they understand and, it's not usualy a stranger to the child, uncles, parents, siblings and other children. Tell them that thier private parts are not for others to touch and if they do not like something tell mummy or daddy. Then you can find some books with simple pictures that show appropriate situations like in Hospital, Dr's and Nurses (not pretend ones)
I remember one teenage young man (15) tell me he had lost his virginity at 10 to the girl next door who was 4!!!!! and he saw nothing wrong, need I say that he is now a well known sex offender!!!! I also remember warning a Foster carer not to leave her grandchildren unsupervised with a 13 year old, she did and he abused her, she was 3, needless to say the Foster Carer was struck off and no doubt the little girl and the family devistated...sorry for that,  no more, I promise    By the way, I am very experienced but not qualified, I had to have work overseen and assisted qualified Social Workers, do not want to go back to it as it is very difficult to do the what you think right, read this link :- http://uk.news.yahoo.com/blog/talking_politics/article/56653/

[Fluffywelshsheep]

I would say your rightly concerned,as you do not know the full circumstates.

I would say try to have a meeting with the school head. an take it from there.

[Troubled Waters]

I'd be concerned too. Speaking as a victim I probably have a biased view tho.  I agree that his children have a right to an innocent childhood.  How about meeting with the head and/or board of governers and expressing your concerns in a calm manner and ask if any provisions can be put in place to allay parents (justified) concerns.  I would be demanding to know why he was in the school taking photos. As far as I was aware you had to have visitor cards and be signed in and all sorts to be in a school theses days. Due to my experiences I would probably seriously consider moving my kids but thats really not that easy and would just be pandering to my fears.

I'm not sure if that helps, sorry. 

[northfifeduckling]

I think photographs have to be agreed on each term by all parents, at least in our school. Do raise this issue with the head and the School Board/parent council! I would not be happy under these circumstances to have my kids photographed at school. 

[JD]

Hi HH yes I would be worried. I think parents council reps should have an urgent meeting with the head to clarify the situation with parents being in playground/classrooms. The head can then speak to the police on the parents behalf. My wife is a teacher in a primary school in the Gorbals area of Glasgow and no parents are allowed in those areas unless with a member of staff or with an appointment. And no one is allowed to take photographs of children within the school.
Being on the Sex Offendors Register only requires the individual to register with the police in the area he lives in. Thats it.There are no more conditions other than that. And the length of time on the register depends on the length of prison sentence served.
Unfortunately there is no such thing as a stereotypical paedophile, they come from all walks of life.
Its such a shame this has happened on what should have been a very happy day for your family. At least you know he is there and can take extra care.  
JD

[marigold]

In addition to talking to the head teacher, I would also suggest that you  either individually or as part of the parents group, write to the director of education. You do not need to be demanding or difficult but just ask for the Education Services Child protection policy and how the service will ensure your child's safety. I think that these situations are sometimes a huge burden for a head teacher who needs support and communication with the support services within the council. These support services are also available to you as parents and your children. the most difficult part of such a delicate situation is getting everybody to be vigilant and stay vigilant and to make sure that everybody takes the utmost care in the most professional way -
I really feel for you all -- children have the right to an innocent childhood and parents have so many things to worry about.

[HappyHippy]

Thanks everyone for being so honest & supportive.
 I don't want to be a paranoid, neurotic mother nor do I want to be one who blindly allows her kids to be put in a dangerous situation.
I think a meeting with the head and an urgent review of photography policy is called for, will be penning a letter tonight.
I've spoken to Rebecca, who's 6, in general terms about it and I'm confident she's ok and understands, but Kaitlin, who's 4, is my main concern - I just don't think she's old enough to understand yet, maybe I'm not giving her enough credit. I'm just sooooo glad we stay in the middle of the country and my kids aren't playing in the village. I may only be 31, but it's a world away from how things were when I was that age, I may just have to start my sentances with "in my day......." from now on.

[Fluffywelshsheep]

if the person has followed the correct guidelines and registered with the police then they will have a police-legagion office who'll now the case and will be able to advise you properly on the situation that has arrised.

If they havn't then you have altered the police of the situation and then they can set one up

give the local police station a call (on their local number ) and see what they say if they say nothing then make time and go in to your local branch which is man 24/7.

Linz