Last week (haven't been able to face up to it since) we lost our beautiful boy Jack.
He'd been a bit off colour on and off for a few weeks, we put it down to the weather,
On Tuesday I clipped him quite short, as usual he laid there and let me do anything with him, and then took him for a walk, he was trotting round the yard, did his little dance when he realised I was going to walk him up the lane, that night he seemed down again, but ate his tea, OH said he didn't want to go for a walk but he'd got him to go a little way.
Wednesday morning he was laid by his water dish, not moving but alive, I moved him away from the corner and water came out of his mouth. Luckily the vet could see him that morning OH took him down while I saw to the goats. He rang to say Jack hadn't got long and did I want to go down, of course I did but didn't want Jack to suffer any longer than necessary (20-30 min drive), and I would only upset him by being upset. so he held him while it was done. We didn't know, and the vet said she couldn't have diagnosed it, but he had a tumour, (found it by ultrasound) it had kept either leaking or something but his body had kept healing it up, but it had ruptured and bled into his stomach.
How I wish they could talk, or I could have understood, I'm now remembering the times he cried to come through the gate to me and I'd tell him to go and lie down because I was cleaning goat pens out (sharp fork), was he telling me his stomach hurt? yes, the more I think about it the more I realise he was quiet and wanting to be near me those last few weeks.
Well he's back here, down in one of his favourite places, but the house is so empty without him,
He was so good and laid back, but always wanted to be with us, wherever I was he would be there, cats would sleep on top of him, and he had lots of little doggy friends (and human) who would ask where he was if he didn't go to greet them.
I have lots of happy memories, like the time he came down the field, not long after we got him (Manchester dogs home) our pet sheep was coming up and they literally met where the flat land dropped away, they both looked at each other and ran back the way they had come, really funny to see.
The image I have in my head is of him running through the long grass, chasing rabbits, and they turned but he didn't,
So run free my beautiful boy, if we meet in another life I hope we recognise something in each other,