Alright!!
So it turns out I am some kind of
stable genius!
Given that the flour must be almost a decade old,
I don't think that's too bad!!
So, just because I get the feeling that this thread is going to end up with a few thousand hits before long, this loaf was made using the basic white bread recipe and program. The only difference was that instead of adding the water, sugar and yeast directly to the pan as usual, I put the same amount of water in a separate bowl (using 1/3 boiling and 2/3 cold water to end up with lukewarm water). I then added the sugar and a quarter more dried active yeast than the breadmaker recipe called for, stirred and left it for fifteen minutes to wake up all the yeasties. I then added that yeast mixture into the dry ingredients already in the breadmaker (flour, butter, milk powder, salt and two teaspoons more sugar for luck), hit start..... and here it is!
OK, OK, it's only a loaf of bread, but considering we were totally unprepared for the arrival of Storm Emma, and now the only road between us and civilisation is currently four miles of this....
..... I feel justified in being ridiculously chuffed!
P.S. And I took the central heating boiler to bits today and then got it back together and working, with no parts left over!