[mariegold]

Hi Everyone,
Just wondering if anyone on here is currently living in a rural area with a baby or small children?
I've recently had a baby and am considering our next move. We currently live in a town and rent a field for our goats a few miles away. This is far from ideal and we really want to buy a smallholding.
The trouble is we have a limited budget (£250,000) and most properties we can afford are quite cut off. This doesn't bother me as I'm quite self sufficient but I am aware that my daughter might be better off living in or near a town where she can make friends and be part of a community. I'm wondering if we might have to put our smallholding dreams on the back burner.....
Is anyone willing to share their experiences please?
Thanks in advance 

[Clarebelle]

My experience is perhaps not particularly relevant to the south of the country but it might still help you think about things.
I moved to one of the northern Orkney islands 4 years ago with my three kids under 7, the population of the island is 600 people. There is a junior high school which services the island and although the class sizes are small, there is enough children that you only rarely get a year where there is only one or two children to a class, my eldest has 10 kids in her class which is large for here. This means that's there are still plenty of other children but the class sizes mean that the teachers are able to dedicate more one to one time with individual children, which I am sure benefits the kids greatly.
I think there are many benefits to rural living and we would definitely never go back to living in a town, however, it is not for everyone and some people find the isolation tough.

[SallyintNorth]

I am aware that my daughter might be better off living in or near a town where she can make friends and be part of a community.

What about being part of a rural community? 

I live in a rural cohouslng community in Cornwall.  We have our own farm and grow much of our own food. We are pretty much self sufficient in meat, dairy and eggs.

As of two days ago there are 10 children growing up here, and another due in September.  There are 22 adults - all different ages, many different backgrounds.  Some of the children are homeschooled, four are unschooled (that’s a thing), and the others of school age got to local schools.

We all have our own homes with our own front doors, but we also have a lot of communal areas and equipment. We have a central farmhouse with communal kitchen and dining room, someone cooks for us all most nights. People choose whether to come to the communal supper or fend for themselves.

We share the work and expense of looking after our 32 acres, livestock, vegetable growing and buildings.

As well as the five families, there are several older people here, many of whom have their own children and grandchildren elsewhere. So there is rarely a problem finding a competent babysitter!  Lol.

There are intentional communities all over the place, some rural, some urban, some very specific in the type of people they want and others more inclusive. Some have farms some don’t, some are vegetarian etc.

If the idea interests you, many places are listed on the  UK Cohousing website and others can be found through Diggers and Dreamers.

If you like the sound of where I live, this is our website. We have regular ‘interest weekends’ for people who want to know more about us and or about cohousing in general.

[Fleecewife]

Keep searching for a suitable property and don't settle for second best.  It might take a couple of years or more to find somewhere that suits you.
For your daughter, you can't second guess her future likes and dislikes. For example, I grew up in a very rural location, but with access to local villages and a small town, nearest big place 15 miles away.  I loved it and still love, and live in, the countryside.  It was mildly annoying when I was in my teens that I couldn't easily socialise with my friends, as the bus service was a bit poorly timed for evenings out, but I stayed over with my town friends when I wanted to and all was hunkydory.  Our sons on the other hand spent their teenage years in a city, Edinburgh, and loved every minute of it.  We held back on buying our smallholding until they had both finished uni, so they have no real experience of country living.  More to the point, they both married women who actively dislike the idea of living out of a town. They had lots of experience of wild camping, sailing, hill walking, trials riding and so on as children, and both have maintained that, and brought their children up to love visiting, but not living in, the countryside.
So do what you want to do for yourselves and leave your children to make of it what they can.  They will always have a social life as they will attend school, and while access to the shops etc may be slightly more difficult it is perfectly possible.  But they will have the option that no towndweller has of experiencing the farming/smallholding life.
Go for it 

[Dans]

We made the move to our smallholding in August 2015 when my little girl was 10 weeks old. She's now around 2.5 and we have our second one due in August.

It somewhat depends on how rural you are and how willing to travel you are. We are just outside Holbeach Drove, Spalding if you want to look to see how rural. There are a few families on our road, but other than a wave, Christmas card/jam and the odd talk over the fence/hunt for missing animal there isn't that much interaction. There are two very small primary schools within 5 mins drive from us (Each with an intake of about 15 a year and two years worth of students in 1 class). There's a larger village about 10 mins down the road (nearest pub, large primary school, couple nurseries, Jo Jingles class, soft play at garden centre, Drs surgery, children's centre, local small park). I've done some activities at children's centres but had to go further afield for parking, The local church does some children's play groups that we haven't made it along to and we have Peterborough 25-30 mins away so we do her swimming and her Tumble Tots there.

I'm not sure my daughter has the community feel but we have put her in nursery, partly for me to get more done on the smallholding and partly for her to socialise. We had great idyllic plans of me out everyday with her on the land doing stuff. Unfortunately after her ending up in hospital with breathing issues last Spring (due to a cold that went to her chest) and maybe 6 A&E trips and 1 other admittance for the same thing I am more weary of taking her out in poor weather (she had been dancing in the rain the day she was admitted and taking into resuss to get her breathing under control). She used to nap 3 hours a day and that was lovely for getting stuff done as I'd pop her in pushchair, take her out, park her up and get on with things. Now she is toddler and so much more independent she is more likely to want to stay in when it is cold and miserable and my worries make me agree with her.

Summer months are wonderful though,  she feeds the animals, she digs and plants things, she can harvest fruit and veg (though for some reason we never get any strawberries when she harvests them...). She knows that a chicken is both the thing that runs around the garden and the tasty thing on her plate, she helps out with so much and it is so much the life we want for her, just need to get her breathing sorted so she can enjoy it year round.

As I said having the nursery time has given her the ability to socialise and make friends. Me taking her to activities weekly did this as well but it meant that I kept falling behind on jobs. Now she is away a few hours a week the time spent outside can be on jobs she can get involved in rather than stuff that she has to entertain herself while I do.

The HVs quite often came out to us rather than dragging us into the village. I am hoping for a homebirth this time around and there's a bit of issue but that's because we are on the cusp of two areas so technically we are in a different district to our local hospital, GP surgery and HV coverage.

If you have any other questions just shout, I also have a few posts about smallholding with a small child on my blog.

Dans

[mariegold]

Thank you for your replies.
I really hope your little girl's breathing improves soon Dans! That sounds really upsetting. I must admit I am also daydreaming about being outside with my daughter (maybe in a polytunnel). Can I have a link to your blog please?
It sounds like we had similar childhoods Fleecewife, I grew up in rural Wales and was a very frustrated teenager and my mum an even more frustrated taxi driver. It was a real privilege to grow up in the countryside but due to lack of jobs and affordable housing most young people tended to leave. Maybe that doesn't matter.......
This being a parent thing is a minefield.
I'd love to move to Orkney but my partner feels responsible for his mother and wants to be within two to three hours of Gloucestershire (bone of contention). This makes things really challenging as there are a lot of wealthy people around here so not the slightest chance of buying anything.
Funnily enough SallyintNorth we used to live at Trelay but it wasn't right for us. From your post it sounds as though things have really changed for the better there I'm really pleased.

[Backinwellies]

You could easily be in Wales and 3 hours from Gloucester.    it is possible to find somewhere which isn't totally isolated ... Welsh villages often have more going on than UK towns (though not for teenagers ..... but you have years before that and much can change in that time!).

Toddlers make getting much done VERY difficult.... so don't jump in with loads of animals and masses to do whilst she is small.  rural upbringings are the best for young children.... but don't underestimate the dangers.

Make the move but do it slowly and with much research

[Dans]

This is the most relevant post I have, the others mention something about having children in passing: http://goodlife.sixoaks.co.uk/2016/12/02/parenthood-and-smallholding/

The one thing I don't say on there, that I do sort of regret, is the ability to do non-smallholding stuff with our daughter. Her cousin is 3 months younger but most weekends they are off to somewhere or other to see animals, zoos, beaches, castles, railways, museums, festivals etc. If we get a weekend with good weather we are out getting jobs done. I sometimes feel she is missing out in that sense, far less an actual holiday with her parents! It is just so hard to leave the smallholding. We were thinking about taking a holiday this year but the price of a live in sitter was a bit terrifying and honestly my husband was feeling too stressed out to even think about picking a location with me. Maybe next year. We did decide to have him use up his holiday slowly instead. A day off every month or fortnight where we will do the animals in the morning then get a smallholding friend who is also a pet sitter to come and put the animals to bed. A weekday should be less chaotic at places and we are hoping to do a trip or two to London for museums, get in some zoos and the beach etc. That's our attempt to address the balance. She has an amazing life here but to her its is just 'normal'. She won't realise how different it is to most other children until she is much older and will no doubt go through a teenage period of resenting the lack of transport links before she appreciates it truly lol

They don't think it is asthma she has as it is only when she has a cold, maybe just sensitive lungs, so hopefully grow out of it and hopefully will be much better as cold season leaves us!

How old is your little one, and are you planning on others, as that may also have an effect on when you go for it. And will you have any family nearby? We don't and that does make it harder, not only do we not have any childcare other than nursery but also no extra hands to rope in for the big jobs.

Dans

[oor wullie]

I have a 14 month old boy and we live in what some people describe as the middle of nowhere (in reality it is the centre of the world!).

 I have no doubt some kids love it whilst some will moan that they want to live in town, I think that's just a chance you have to take.

Of course it takes time to get to know people but I know more of my neighbours now than I ever did in the city.  In these areas there are often less people but more community (although don't think it is an escape from problems - it can be the opposite).

My wife keeps a blog which sometimes touches on the issues of having a baby on a croft.  Croftingwifie.com

[in the hills]

We moved to rural Wales when our children were 6 and 9 years old. That was 10 years ago.


They can't remember much about life in the town but they both love where they live now. They say that they can't imagine living in a town and can't wait to get back to the hills if we venture into an urban setting.



Their primary school was about 4 miles away in the nearest village. Classes were small with 2 years in one class. High school is 10 miles away. They travel on school transport, a minibus and then a coach. Their friends are by and large from similar smallholding and farming backgrounds. They have similar interests and outlooks.


There is a strong community feel in our scattered rural hamlet. As children they were invited by neighbours to help bake or to get the hay in, etc.  They socialise differently than they would in the town but they know their neighbours for miles around and have a great sense of belonging.


They both want to stay living and working in rural Wales.

[mariegold]

Thanks all, lots to think about! My baby is only 7 weeks old so I can't see us moving for a couple of months. That said I would love to be in by the Autumn.
I'm thinking either Llanidloes or Lampeter could be good options. Its good to hear your children want to stay in Wales 'in the hills'.
Sorry for my brief response but have my hands full with a screamy baby

[Backinwellies]

Lampeter is not too far from me and has a fantastic fabric shop especially if you are into quilting. There is loads to get involved in in the area.

[Lesley Silvester]

My children grew up on the Isle of Arran off the west coast of Scotland. We won't terribly rural but lived just outside a small village (198 people when we were there). The best bit was that they had the freedom that I had when I was a child but that they can't have in towns. They made dens, climbed trees, damned the river and made rafts out of old barrels. In all they had a wonderful time. Their primary school was in the next village, 7 miles away but there was a school bus that picked them up and brought them home. My youngest was 9 months when we moved there and I did take him to a playgroup once a week which was a round trip of about 30 miles. It was good for me as well though because I had the chance to socialise with other mums.


If the children misbehaved, I soon got to hear about it. On the other hand, I didn't worry about them when I couldn't see them because there was always someone to bring them home (or at least ring me to go and collect) if they were in trouble.


When they were old enough to go to secondary school, it was the other side of the island so a long bus ride (and a very long day). They made friends there and used to stay the night with friends quite often and I often had an extra child or three staying with us.


Although I now live in a town and they are all grown up, I have never ever regretted giving them that upbringing. The only thing I regret is leaving the island.

[honeyend]

We have always lived a semi-rural lifestyle. When my daughter was born we lived in a village where the 'stagecoach' came through morning and evening, there was a very small village school and a pub that was so small that no one got up to place their orders and get their beers.
  The big disadvantage is you need a car for, drs, school, shopping and getting to work. The advantage is space and clean air, my car has lichen on it.
  I would look for something off a main road but unfashionable. Its not what its is but where it is, there are still places that are not too far off the beaten track that are fairly rural. We have no close neighbours but we live 3miles from three large supermarkets and a mile from a village college. I look out my window at open fields but our house did not cost mega bucks when we bought it despite having 14acres.

[sabrina]

My 3 sons who are now all married with their own children grew up in the country. They went to the village school which was 3 miles away had friends who seem to spend more time at our place than their own homes. We had sheep, ponies, chickens, ducks , dogs and cats all on 10 acreas . As adults one lives in the city but would prefer not to. One lives in a small village and my other son lives in a very busy part of Wales but again longs for home. On growing up they had so much freedom, space to play and enjoy life. Being around animals they would learn about life and death. I used to wonder did they miss out on other things. I think not. Village life had plenty going on, eldest was into football so played for the local boys team. Middle son was only interested in cars so he and his best mate would spend hours at out place with an old car that did not work taking the engine to bits and rebuilding it. My 3rd son was the social one. He formed a band and had his pals round to practice in our garage. although they were terrible there was no one apart from me to complained about the  noise. they had sleep over with friends and grew up pretty sound I think.