[MiriMaran]

oh Helen I know exactly how you feel.  My OH had always been OK at helping with the animals, but has been crap in the past at helping with the children.  It all changed after I asked for a separation - he is now much better.  Never does the homework though, but at least he is here now instead of golfing, mountain biking, drinking.......  I'm not suggesting for one minute that you should do what I did.  I wasn't bluffing, but he refused to go and now we are muddling along.

The problem is that if you went into your relationship with him making it crystal clear that small holding was your dream and not his and he didn't want to be part of it then you are stuck really.  I think you need to find a way to get him to help everynow and again, but not have high expectations of him.  Its probably worth also remembering that if he did help you would probably feel grateful, but also think that you do a much better job!  Its not easy living such busy lives is it.  I can be bombing round the house doing things and my OH will just be watching TV - it drives me nuts!

Hope you feel a bit better tomorrow and i hope the chicken is feeling better too.

[Dangermouse]

It could be worse,

you could be married to me.............now that would be a nightmare (Im really poo)

 

[Helencus]

Now DM I don't believe you could be that poo. 
My Oh is actually a really great guy and he's mortified I keep blubbing tonight. He's just so used to me being super capable that he forgets that I mean it when I say I feel crap and I need help.

Thing is we've been together forever really and we both grew up in a big city. I grew up watching the good life. He grew up watching something else entirely. I never expected that I would ever manage to afford to own land and raise animals and grow veg so not sure how obvious I was when we got together about my dreams, so now that I've been lucky enough to earn enough to pay to do this as a 'hobby' and I use that term loosely considering how much hard work it is, I can't really blame him for feeling agrieved when I ask him to help with my animals. 

I have no intention or desire to seperate from him cause he really is a great hubby he's just not as into small holding as I am, but he loves me so he'll help for the next day or so then get fed up :-)) after that well who knows. I'll hopefully be back to mrs super capable soon..

Rosemary any helpful advice for the ponys lami very much appreciated.

[doganjo]

I've been lucky, both my late husbands were very good at helping - the first one with the kids and the dogs, and the second one with the animals, and training the dogs.  But then I was sneaky  If I ever felt really bad I used to burst into tears.  Men can't handle a crying woman that they love.  In your case, you don't nfeel well.  Go to your bed,then they will have to do your chores!  

But seriously, I agree with Rosemary about trading help for pony rides, eggs or anything else you can offer.  And also ask him what his dreams are.  Maybe he can be traded with too
Either way, chin up, sweetheart- have another lass of red with me

[Helencus]

Thanks Annie. I have asked him what his dreams are and mostly he says ' I dunno' I think it involves retiring to Devon or somewhere hot. I don't mind Devon but no way do I fancy hot ergo Spain. I'm a Brit through and through. I could live in beautiful Scotland Wales England or Ireland but don't want to be far away from my dad and family.
He's always been super helpful with kids  washing, ironing and other housework which is why i say he really is a super hubby and he does love me to bits. He just doesn't do animals much.. My bad really ...

[ballingall]

You should think about what Rosemary and Annie have said. It's not something I have ever done, but then we generally just have the goats. But I know someone who just does that. She has an entire team of teenage helpers, who help with feeding, grooming, mucking out all in exchange for some riding, and just being with the animals in that countryside environment which a lot of people don't get a chance to enjoy. Not only do they help with the ponies of which she has about 10, they help with the goats, chooks etc as well.

Men are poo, my OH is rubbish at helping at most things, especially in the house. But he does have his uses. I wonder if it would be any better if us women had female partners? Probably not!



Beth

[doganjo]

Men are poo, my OH is rubbish at helping at most things, especially in the house. But he does have his uses. I wonder if it would be any better if us women had female partners? Probably not!

DEFINITELY not!  I can think of a lot of uses I could make of a male partner if I could find one that would live with me and 5 dogs, a cat, 4 ducks, and 9 chickens   They're better at hitting things with my sledgehammer for a start
I used to get that 'dunno' from both of mine.  If Sandy could come home to his meal on the table, play with the kids/dogs, go to dog shows and swan around speaking to folk while I got on with the serious stuff of showing the dogs and watching the kids didn't annoy anyone, he was happy.  If John could train the dogs in the morning, read his climbing books in the afternoon, have his meal put on the table for him and go climbing whenever he wanted, he was happy. Both spoke about emigrating to France where it was warm - so perhaps that's where they both are now

Any offers for hubby number three - or is every man carrying a barge pole these days (to keep me at a distance - losing one is unfortunate, two is carelessness )

[Helencus]

Thanks Beth. The problem I have with advertising for help is where I live if anyone wants to get Involed with ponies etc. Mommy and daddy buy them one... I did advertise for someone to ride and help with the pony over the winter but had absolutely no interest at all.. I even asked the pony club but no one was interested in a pony who wasn't a great jumper who had to stay here.

[Helencus]

I know what you're saying Annie. I love my man and I'm glad he's in my life.. Could throttle him often but oh well .. The red wine is kicking in now things don't seem so bad.. Probably feel very bad tomorrow though. darn..

[doganjo]

I know what you're saying Annie. I love my man and I'm glad he's in my life.. Could throttle him often but oh well .. The red wine is kicking in now things don't seem so bad.. Probably feel very bad tomorrow though. darn..

Just trying to cheeer you up, Helen.   Men aren't poo at all, they just don't always think deep  enough to come up with the right solution at the right time.   I miss both of mine like hell, and have made a new life near my kids and grandkids, but I'd jump at the chance of doing it all again if the right man came along to woo me .............. and my dogs ............and my cat ........... and my ducks ........................and my chickens ..................and my kids ............... and my grandkids  
Hope you feel really good tomorrow

[Helencus]

Thanks Annie me too

[Roxy]

Yes, it does get too much sometimes, especially at this time of year.  We have slogged through the long winter, Spring is here, or we thought it was, now back to rain, mud, and more mud.  Animals all starving and wanting more and more food, we plod out there again, mucking out, carrying water, feeding, it all seems never ending.

My OH's attitude is they are my animals, its my problem.  Thats why I started the tea time round at 6pm and it was 10pm when I got in tonight.  The most my OH will do to help is throw some hay to the bigger ponies.  I admit I do struggle sometimes, but what keeps me going is that hopefully the better weather will be here soon, things will get a little easier, and it will all look better.

Although, I have to say, my OH did redeem himself today when my old horse of 31 got down in the field.  He brought his precious old Range Rover into the field, and after the horse was shot, he pulled her down to the lane, for the slaughterman.

Hopefully tomorrow, things will look brighter for you.

[Annie22]

Chin up Helen, now how it feels although this morning when I fainted due to back pain Hubby was there to help.  Hope the pony brightens up soon.

[Hilarysmum]

Helen know just how you feel.  The long drag up to the far pigs with a wheelbarrow of food, then do it again with water.  Back hurts, its raining, mud pulling against me.  Then things that should be good or supportive become burdens because .....  (loads of reasons), but tomorrow it will get better.  (If the bank statement doesnt turn up of course). 

Even Paradise has its down days. 

But you have found the perfect solution - come on here and chat to all of us - dont bottle it up that makes it worse.

Sending you an e-hug.  HM

[Dangermouse]

Its the other way round with me and my better half....Im the one with 200 snakes.......2000 rodents.....4 dogs......tortoices....and now buying a smallholding 

Wifey is definately a star to put up with me