[juliag]

Wandering around the chickens this morning I had a little chuckle to myself mentally recalling odd things that have happened to me over the years and thought it would make quite a good thread to put on here to cheer ourselves up and give us all a bit of a giggle during this dreadful weather we are all experiencing. Will post a couple of my 'stories' a bit later (got to go to sainsburys first) so in the meantime does anyone have anything to add to this thread?

[Wizard]

Yes juliag I will think of a few while I deliberate Tesco's, Sainsbury's or Lidl perhaps because its BH I'll visit all three and Instore they have loads of fruit trees at £4.99 which I bought two and I am going to fan train them up th wash house wall But I want a couple of goosegog bushes  All my gardening is in boxes.

[HappyHippy]

Oh Julia - I know exactly what you mean  
I don't know if it's the 'agricultural' upbringing I've had or just my family   but yes, stories of cardigan wearing goats, landrovers whose wheels overtake you on the road and pigs in the kitchen all spring to mind lol!
Look forward to hearing some of yours  

[juliag]

Had to reply as happy hippy just gave me the best memory ever. Eldest daughter is now 24 and works for Deloittes in Edinburgh. She is very clever being a straight A and A* student. She graduated from Edinburgh University last year with a degree in business and law, whilst working for Deloittes she is taking her Accountancy exams so will be a qualified accountant as well. However.................. last summer darling daughter came home for a week and whilst she was here (we had given her a little car to take back to scotland with her) we paid a visit to Halfords where she bought pretty Air fresheners, New wheel trims( I think thats what there called) and other little girlie things to pop into her car. (well she is blond!!) 
upon getting back she happily played with her car taking off the old scratched wheel trims and replacing them with the nice shiny new ones. She finished loading her car ready for her 400 mile journey back and that I thought was that. Upon getting ready to leave with the whole family standing watching she started her car and popped it into reverse. As the car moved everyone of the wheels fell off!!!  The car was sat on the floor with each wheel lying on the floor at rightangles to where it should be. It was like something off a carry on film! She got out of the car looked at her wheels and was really upset, as she turned round she found me and her dad doubled up crying with laughter, she didnt realise the wheel nuts were important so hadnt bothered putting them back on ,but she had put them in a bag in a safe place in case she should need them at a later date!
Darling daughter is due back for easter tomorrow thats if she can find her way out of Edinburgh! Straight A student she may be but common sense she has very little of! 

[juliag]

just another quick one, We moved into this house, a 250 yr old cottage , most of the original features gone apart from what I thought was gorgeous wood panelling in the dining room / study. However husband says it is too dark he is going to paint it, the room cant take it he says its too small. Well the rows went on for weeks. He bought paint, I hid it. He bought more paint, I hid that too.. i told everyone he was trying to ruin the only original feature we had.
I kept on and on for a very long time, he kept on and on back!
One day on returning from a horse show with a friend in tow, I entered the house to the sound of building work, I flew into the dining room to see what the bugger was doing to my wood pannelling. There he was hammer and what looked like a crowbar in hand pulling the pannelling off the walls. I went beserk, told him he should not be living in an old house if he was going to 'bastardise' it!
Upon which he hands me a piece of pannelling and told me to turn it over.................................................... on the back was a b and q label with a price of £4.99       my original feature wasnt quite so original after all! 

[juliag]

on a roll now talking about wheels overtaking you on a road, How about the horsebox overtaking you complete with horses in it!!
Pony club camp held at Angela Yeomans very very smart, posh house. The kids stayed there for 5 days and at the end we returned to collect them and their ponies. As I wasnt using the horsebox whilst they were away I parked it at the top of a field on a slight slope. Returning I put my car in front of the box ready to hitch on and go. We took down the kids tents, bought photos, attended prizegiving, had a bit of a chat, loaded the ponies and off we went! As I drove down the hill to my horror my horsebox was coming alongside me, gathering speed down the hill towards Mrs Y's post and rail fencing lining her driveway.    !
I had forgotton to hitch it on and the weight of the ponies had made it start to roll, I hadnt left the handbrake on as Rice horseboxes are notorious for the brakes jamming on and being unmovable.
Believe it or not and picture this, I jumped out of my car, ran down the hill alongside the horsebox until I was just able to grab the handbrake and pull it on and we are seriously talking inches away from mrs y's fence!!!
Luckily the whold event had not been witnessed by anyone else or else I dont think I would have ever lived it down! 

[doganjo]

What an interesting life you lead Julia!

[RUSTYME]

one day many years ago, it was in mid winter , and the day was very wet and a thick fog had fallen and remained all day . I was driving home from somewhere ( can't remember where now), the fog had got much thicker while I was out , and I could only just about see the road , let alone  work out where I was . Anyway, ahead of me I saw the red  glow of a cars rear lights. "Great I thought , I can follow him home" . So I did just that , followed the lights in front of me for miles . As the fog was so thick we could only go at about 5 -10 miles an hour . After some time the car in front stopped , and I thought maybe he was lost now as he stayed where he was for some few minutes, well he got out of his car and started to walk towards me . I thought " oh god what does this pillock want ?" " going to have a go at me for following him I bet !!!" . I wound down the window and the chap said ,
" hello there , terrible weather isn't it "
 " yes really bad " I said 
"are you lost ?" he asked ,
 " NO " says I ....
"oh ? "  says the chap  " are you sure ? ...only this is my drive you are parked in !!!" 
 One of those , "please ground, swallow me "  moments !!! Well we both had a good laugh and he asked me in for a cuppa and his wife made some lovely food and we had a really good chat over a lovely meal . There are still nice people about !!!
 No need to ask who the real pillock was though  !!! 

cheers

Russ 

[sandy]

Now where do I start Taking the whole family to a private bonfire party but getting the wrong house and joining someone in thier garden around thier binfire until I suddenly realised I did not know anyone!!!
Going to the wrong reception, buying a drink , putting our present on the table then noticing the bridsmades were dressed differenly to the weeding we went to earlier so going up to the table, everyone watching to see who we were, taking the present off and walking quietly out!
 Mistaking someone for an old work college then realsing it was not them but then trying to convince them I was NOT chatting them up!!
 Looking after a Foster Child with mental health problems one day displayed some very strange behaviour, then my brother going into an alcoholic withdrawel and getting the DT's although he was funny, then comming back after visiting to find an old friend at my door (Foster Child gone to bed) and she had signed herself out of a mental hospital and ate everything in sight, said things were drilling into her head and wandering around saying odd stuff until her  brother fetched her in the morning!! I remember going to the toilet and giggling "it must be me""""
 Loads, moreI THINK IT IS ME

[Wizard]

So a good long while ago now when I was in swimpool maintenance I had a call from a Squadron Leader I forget his name now would I meet him at the pool.So that evening I met him and a couple of his men and we discussed cleaning the brown walls and floor of the pool.It was decided they would supply the hydrochloric acid and we would hire half a dozen grinders for the following week.I explained how dangerous the acid is if you splash it on ones self.So we laid a hose and had water running down a drain all the time.Then one of the chaps said why don't we wear a suit like they do when they refuel a Vulcan if it is proof against Aftag it should be against this because it is mainly water .So some of these suits were got from stores and the operation started there were 6 men and a girl we had a bath tub in the floor area and deck scrubbing brushes the job was progressing nicely and this chap came in jumped in the pool and started to help dressed in a pair of jeans and plimmy's and a jersey."What the Hell do you think you are doing you daft sod I've told the others how dangerous this stuff is and how it can burn right through your skin it's very dangerous indeed if not handled carefully.Anyway what's your name?" " Well he said pointing at the Squadron Leader and him half a dozen time and her call me Sir  But you can call me Vic I'm the Station Commander" Exit pool though trapdoor in bottom with a red face ah ah ah

[Hilarysmum]

My dear ex boss, bought his wife a bouquet of flowers from Tesco.  He sneaked them in, put them in a vase of water and left them on the table, having first hidden the Tesco wrapping as he wanted her to believe they had come from the very expensive flower shop where she had originally admired the lilies. 

He couldnt understand her disappointment, until she told him they were silk flowers.

Actually this sounded much funnier when he told it.

[ballingall]

We have had a few issue's with trailers and vehicles over the years. There are some really old stories I can't even remember that happened to my mum.

One year we were going to Fife show, in our transit van (it had been a minibus, but we took the bench seats out of it and converted it back, it was a C reg). My mum was driving, I was in the middle, and for some reason I can't remember, we had a family friend (who also kept goats) Billy Watt with us. We got lost on the way, and ended up at a crossroads in Leven. We stopped at the red light, but then as it turned green, we pulled away quite sharply to go straight across. The back door of the transit, opened, and mum's BT milker fell out! We stopped in the middle of the lights, we all got out, mum to the back of the van to get it shut again, and Billy and I after the goat. We had to chase up the left hand side road of the crossroads, but caught her when she stopped to eat the hedge. In the meantime, my AN kid Chrissy had been on my knee in the front of the van, as she was only a few weeks old and too wee to go in the back with the big ones. Mum had switched the van off and left it in gear, but not put the handbrake on, Chrissy walked past the gearshift and shifted it into neutral, causing the van to start rolling away down the hill! Mum had to sprint from the back door round to the drivers, yank open the door and jump in to get the handbrake on!

We did eventually get to the show, and did ok, the milker, who had skinned her knees won first prize despit that. However, we loaded the goats into the van to go home, and discovered we had a puncture! So we changed that, for some reason just leaving the goats in the back of the van whilst we changed it! Fortunately there were a few other goatkeepers still there and they helped to change it, but what a day that was.


Beth

[ballingall]

Then, one time, only about 8 years ago we were going to Ellemford show in September, which is a tiny show. We were driving a volvo at the time, and had a wee ifor williams trailer on, with 5 goats and their stuff for the show in it. Then mum and I and a collie and a jack russell in the car. We went to turn right on the A1 at 8:30am on a saturday morning in fog, and something dreadful happened to the car. I was driving, and it felt at first like a blowout, we started to skid, which I was trying to control, when the brakes seized on. So there we were, right in the middle of the road. A lovely, lovely man stopped in his 4x4, and we unhitched the trailer (with the goats still in) and pushed it back along the road to a turn off. Then we had to use his 4x4 to drag the Volvo off the road as the brakes were seized on. The man told mum where to get the local garage, and his name and phone number, and then we put the jack russell into the trailer with the goats stuff, and he took me and the trailer to the show (thank god he had a towbar). We couldn't put our dogs in the 4x4 because he had his in there, he'd just been to pick them up from the kennels. So he took me the few miles along to the show, because at least we could put the goats into pens there etc. And I had to wait at the show until I heard something from mum. The local garage man checked the car, and I think it was the prop shaft and the axle that went, but I could be wrong. So effectively the car couldn't go anywhere, pretty much again because it wasn't worth repairing. So mum phoned a friend of ours, and asked, what are you doing today? When she replied not much, my mum said oh good, can you come and collect us? She agreed, and mum told her we were at Grantshouse- "but whose Grant?" asked my friend! So once she knew that was the name of the town, all was fine and she came down, picked up mum and brought her to the show, and we were able to tow the trailer back home.

Beth

[Hilarysmum]

We recently had a visit from 2 Jehovah Witness's (sp??).  They were immaculately dressed whilst I answered the door in my best pig feeding clothes.  I trotted out my usual excuse to any would be converters to their faith that I was jewish, and would not therefore wish to change my faith.  They were politely departing, when Digby (our accidental pet pig) who had been lying quietly on the sofa, came through up to the door much to the delight of the lady witness.  Digby did his usual greeting to new men, and stuffed his nose in the man's crotch.  Unfortunately Digby took more than a usual interest and lifted the man off his feet.   

[Jackie]

I really love this thread. 

It has given me many a giggle and has me down on my knees thanking whoever that this ISNT my life!