hello im just writing as i have had the same problems with my kids,my middle son and to a lesser extent my daughter.jordan was a hard work baby,in fact when he was 2 he went to a under 5s group to give me a break. in school he was a clown, but also a danger to himself and other people, so he wasnt allowed to play out. hed run fast and knock people over,after being excluded i dont know how many times another child had a adhd checklist sent over and the teachers thought'thats jordan' so he was tested.this was just before he went to high school.the relief when he was prescribed ritalin was enourmous. mainly because i could stop bashing my head against the wall about it being my fault.
unfortunatly it has side effects and his drugs were changed,he couldnt eat properly.but he was on a very high dosage,it did make a difference to him at school and home,so they good in thaty respect,they made him stop and think about things,slowed his brain down a bit,
unfortunatly we had to kick him out the house a few months ago because he is 18 and huge,but he was destroying my house and my sanity,he got kicked out of college,he lives in a fantasy world where nothing is his fault. he stopped ritalin at 16. and hes mildly autistic.
my daughter is not quite as bad im glad to say,but hard work as well.
recommend support groups,you realise tyhat your not the only one,and some of the other parents have it harder.
but oyther kids do wind them up,to get explosions,unfortunatly that will always happen specially as they get older,kids are horrible.just have to get kid to ignore them and they makes them better than the other kid.rieki helps so does tia chi and any other relaxation/disipline technique.
good luck.
hope it works out for your son.