[devonlady]

Does anyone have any experience of fostering children? We have thought about this for a good few years now and will soon, we hope, be in a position to care for a youngster who needs a stable home. I asked my 17 year old grandson if he thought I would make a good foster mother and he said " Granny, even when I'm awful you make me laugh" Which I hope is a good sign

[sabrina]

I have been both long term and short term fostering. Its hard but rewarding. Children come with all sorts of problems from abuse to family break up where all that maybe needed is rest bite for a few days. You need to understand that some children don't know how to be loved. We had two children once where the 6 year old boy got up during night and was eating raw sausages out of the fridge. He was not used to food being in the house so when he saw it he took the chance to eat. They will test you to breaking point because they expect to be cast aside. When you do get love in return its wonderful and all worth everything you may have gone through. Every child deserves a family, to feel safe and given the chance to grow into the person they can be. I hope you go ahead.

[devonlady]

Thank you for that Fleecewife. We appreciate your support

[Marches Farmer]

They will try to push you to the limit of your patience and can be very manipulative, because they see themselves as unworthy of being loved - a child doesn't understand all the subtleties and pressures of the world in general and parenting in particular.  If you respond by saying something like, "Hmm, I need to think about that before I give you an answer," and get on with something else it allows time for things to simmer down.  It can be hard to do sometimes, especially at the end of a long day!

[Pundyburn Lynn]

Hi Devonlady,


We foster too.  I would agree with the comments above, children's experiences can sometimes make them determined not to get close to you, but this can also be highly rewarding!  You need to be absolutely stable and in control of your own life to do it, so that you can have a bit of perspective when things get tough.  However we've loved it!


We chose only to do emergency and respite foster care, ie, regular weekends for a handful of kids and then short-term placements in crisis situations.  We (through choice) do not have children of our own and we did not want to lose out on the freedom that this can bring.  By taking on emergency and respite placements we can still choose when we just want to potter around the garden, or to have a glass of wine in the evening.  It also re-charges your batteries.  However, we did accommodate a young lad for four weeks and he remained with us for eight months!  Needless to say that once we knew what to expect from each other we fell head over heels in love with him and it was tough to say goodbye.  But he found a permanent home with carers who would meet his needs very well and he is now very happy and reaching his full potential.


Fostering can also be highly entertaining!  Not all children come from 'bad' families.  For instance, some have come from kinship care placements with grandparents who can no longer manage.  The differences in children's experiences can be fascinating and it's a subject that our friends and family never tire of hearing about.


Hope this helps!
Lynn

[devonlady]

This all helps tremendously. We have decided that the main thing is never to give up on a child no matter what! And to keep a sense of humour__ always!

[Victorian Farmer]

I had 2 girls 4 and 5 they are my right arm naw one is a teacher and one is a dentist nurse .I love them as my own both had problems .We go out once a month good times go for it .

[benandjerry]

We foster full time children with severe and complex needs and love it.  It is the best job I have ever had.  However, if trying to start or maintain other interests this can be hard.  As the child has to come first.  I posted recently on here and recieved good advice (because we want to be small holders) I'll go hunting for the thread and bump it to the top.

Some advice would be, learn to say 'no' to social work.  It is very hard  with head over heart of heart over head.  I am definetly in the heart of head camp, but really it should be the other way round.  Make sure you have the correct training before taking on any placement, and ensue that you have ALL the information that is available at the time if it is a crisis situation.

Also please do not right off children with severe and complex needs, by their needs, as our experience is they are a lot of fun and just as mischievous as children with out support needs.  There isn't a day that goes past without us all cracking up laughing together.

I recommend the job one hundred and ten percent. BUT make sure it fits with your current lifestyle.

[benandjerry]

Hi devonlady the thread is in members only and is called a moan and advice needed vicious circle. It has some good advice that may help you, re other things, such as fostering and managing a small holding etc.