[Bramblecot]

My beautiful Damson will take care of her on the other side

[Roxy]

So sorry .... you could not have done anything more. And its so sad when this happens.  Sending you lots of  xxx

[Pedwardine]

Thankyou my lovelies. 

[SallyintNorth]

 

[FiB]

so sorry to read that...   Fi xxx

[Pedwardine]

I can speak about it now. Was so upset at the time. We had to stomach tube Gretchen and I believe that we got it down the wrong way as milk started coming out of her nose. It was our third attempt. The first two we could hear her breathing down the tube. The third we could not. Both listened. Both as confident as we could be and yet still it happened. OH insists he 'killed' her as he put the tube in each time but I thought it was in correctly too. He couldn't bear my weeping and wailing and holding on to her. I was really traumatised. I got him to swing her like a newborn to try and clear the liquid but it was too late. She was just too fragile and her lungs were so compromised before we inflicted such an ordeal on her. I don't think she would have made old bones with the very obvious swayback anyway but it was so appalling a way for her to go. He can't talk about her, just feels such a horrible person but I can't and don't blame him. It was ignorance on both sides. It's all just too too dreadful and we both feel so guilty. There, I've said it. I've had a migraine for the last two days from crying so much. She was so beautiful.

[Bionic]

That is so sad but you both put a lot of time and effort into her and you did your very best so don't go blaming yourselves for trying to help.
Saying that I know I would feel exactly the same. We can't help being softies.

[Blinkers]

Pedwardine and hubby.   There was almost CERTAINLY some kind of internal problem and the fact that the tubed liquid coming out of the nose proves it.    You did everything right and tried your dam hardest in every way, but you can bet your bottom dollar there was some kind of internal cockup in her 'makeup'  that NO ONE could have predicted or done anything about.      Tell OH that the two of you were a great team, you checked and double checked and nothing BUT NOTHING else could have been done by you or anyone else.     You are both stars for persevering and giving that lamb every possible chance, but if the 'makeup' internally is wrong..............
 
xxxx

[Anke]

Actually it is quite difficult to put the tube down the "wrong way", it won't go in very far, as the lungs end way above the stomach. So you probably did NOT kill her with the tube, if she had swayback and was very unsteady on her feet she would have never made it to adulthood.
 
Please don't beat yourself up about it, you did what you could - you will always loose some animals. And this massve tiredness at lambing time really doesn't help    ...

[Pedwardine]

Thankyou all. The tube only had it's red top showing so had gone the full length down. I really felt ashamed at the way she'd died and that we'd failed her so miserably, but your comments have helped so much. Got hubby to read Blinkers' post and it's helped him too. It didn't help that we are so tired and emotions are running high. Migraine still not gone and had another little weep just now at your kindness. Gotta stop this crying, can't afford to be off duty at mo. Bless you guys. xx
 
P.S. Got a poorly mum and her three lambies therefore to feed out on the field at mo. Mum is getting better now and her babies are doing great. She has a tiny little boy at 2kg who looks as cute as a button in his miniature jack russell jacket (Donated by a friend. He gets cold at night still-must get a pic of that up). He and his not much bigger brother both have a good bottle feed then are up on my knee for a cuddle and a nap. They're beautiful little boys. The biggest boy has a token feed but is obviously doing okay still from mum. Gretchen's brother who was very wonky to start has straightened up and is sometimes even leading the gang of lambies on the tearing around the field sessions.
Darcie, our girl who had dreadful ketosis is looking so much better and strength is improving every day. I think the sun on their backs makes a huge difference. Life does go on doesn't it!

[Mammyshaz]

Second all Blinkers has said.
 Having tubed many small species ( sorry not farm animals,just dogs, cats, rabbits etc ) I would say it is almost impossible to get the tube into the airway without the animal fighting and coughing as you block the airway. If she didnt cough and gasp for air it would have been in the stomach. It was most likely an internal problem causing a reflux of the milk which subsequently got inhaled after syringing, in which case it would have happened even when she suckled from mum. It sounds to me like there was an irreversible problem.

Whatever the reason for her loss, you did all you could to the best ability. Nobody is to blame at all. She had the bestlove and care anyone could wish for in her short life. 

[Blinkers]

Life DOES go on Pedwardine - and as an old farmer friend said to me years and years ago "if you don't want dead animals, you shouldn't keep live ones" .  At the time, I thought what a miserable old git he was (I was having a pony put down at the time !!), but when I thought about it afterwards, never a truer word was said and I've repeated it many a time since that day. 
Come on honey bun, chin up - what about these gorgeous Gotlands I'm after    xx