[sabrina]

A hard life indeed. I had a very strict up bringing. Sunday was church day and while other kids played outside our day was all about relegion. We were scared of my father, he left when I was 13 and we then got a life. Mother had to work hard to look after us and for that we love her dearly. Now in her 80's she still has our love and respect and it saddens me to hear that your mother was a waste of space but at the end of the day she gave you life. Maybe something she did not want to do but life is life and such a precious thing. You have to move on from all the bad things that has happened to you. aim to enjoy every day. I know sounds like clap trap but until you do all the people who have hurt you in the past are still winning. Find your inner strength, we all have it, build yourself a future that makes you happy and proud. Hanging onto your past ( bad as it is ) just wears you down and you are better than that. We all deserve to be happy.

[SallyintNorth]

  Mel

Not much, but I couldn't say nothing.  I do hope things turn around for you - you are certainly due some better luck.

We're always here to listen even if we can't do much else to help.    

[happygolucky]

Mel...................I echo Sabrina in that the best way to get Karma is to leave all those who did you harm stewing in guilt.......what you have gone through is worse than words can say, I read that all holding my breath, you should write a book, there are many out there with similar themes.....it makes us with nice pasts and pleasant life's feel humble and in my case, pathetic for worrying about what house i want next when all you want is love.
I worked with children in care, many had similar stories, all I could do was listen and give them my time and care, some I have worked with actually got compensation, one £20,000.....I know money is not everything but it would buy you a 4x4 etc......Your mum may well have had her own issues and as a mum myself, if I had a child when unable to cope etc, I would have mentally tried to cut them out of my life, but still thought about them daily.....we sometimes have to reject things for our own sanity. As for that uncle, he probably did things to others as well,  he needs outing, he may well be dead but like good old Jim'll fix it, he should not get away with ruining your childhood. I suppose you have been offered tons of counselling, its often hard to find one that you are compatable with, and it stirs up all the s**t then you feel worse before you feel better...often a stranger, like I said before, helps, I spoke to a lovely lady on the train once, nothing deep but she sort of knew things....when I got off 15 mins later, she squeezed my hand and tears whelled up...thats what you need Mel!!
Thanks for sharing and at least putting me in my place, I truly wish I could help..........we are all here at least to chat to........

[happygolucky]

Mel, you deserve the compensation but you will need support from some one if you decided to sue...the girl I fostered did sue but it was through her social worker as she was a minor at the time......you have been hurt deeply........you write very well indeed, it should be recored at least......with the internet you could make a bit of money and still be anon!!!  Mel, I am not a big reader but I certainly like your style.
I worked in childrens homes both in Leicestershire and Northamptonshire....so heard a few similar stories......the purpatrators should be made to be ashamed and not you.....your ex, I hope is now sectioned or in prison for what he did!!!
I am off to warm up but am hopeing something lovely happens for you...at least here the sun is out and spring is on its way !!!!! THanks soo much 

[Lesley Silvester]

Mel, I really don't know what to say to you so  .  I think you must be a very strong person to get through all you have but I'm glad you are seeing the doctor again.  I know the thought of being on meds is not good but sometimes we have to do it.  Lots of love to you xx

[plumseverywhere]

Mel, words cannot convey how I feel having read your posts. What an awful time you've had    what a  horrible man. Just   

[deepinthewoods]

 

[Mel]

You are all so very nice you know, Thank you for your kind words  , I hope I have not upset anyone or het anyone up, I have been a little paranoid thinking I was hijacking the post somehow, and I was trying to make a point out of all of this, and it was really to say that there certainly is always someone out there far worse off, my personal nightmares and hell are perhaps nothing in comparison to many others.

I might be a little estranged and such-hey I am bound to be, but I have a roof over my head for the time being, have some wood to burn, plenty of food, my bills are almost paid lol and somehow, I can honestly still smile.

I do not see my counsellor that often, it is a 10 mile trip for 20 or so minutes- that really does not help though she is nice and I have never ever seen one cry before.

If it was not for music and playing I would be up the creek without a paddle, the thought of losing all my animals saddens me no end, Oh how I wish I had not sold my Geese- is he still here?! I wonder how they are!?? I could never forgive myself if something horrid happened to them.

Again, Thank you, you are all so very genuine, sorry if I have burdened anyone or indeed opened up any wounds.
Love xxxxx

[Mel]

 Ahh, There you are! Someone else I know has not had an easy time of it! 

[deepinthewoods]

all good now tho, there is ALWAYS hope.x

[Mel]

all good now tho, there is ALWAYS hope.x

And very happy for you too deep, though hope,I don't honestly think there is any here! Destined to be stuck in pig poop for the rest of my life, though that is not bad a bad thing at all

[happygolucky]

Mel....Thank You!!

[deepinthewoods]

all good now tho, there is ALWAYS hope.x

And very happy for you too deep, though hope,I don't honestly think there is any here! Destined to be stuck in pig poop for the rest of my life, though that is not bad a bad thing at all

rubbish. just cos you cant see it doesnt mean it isnt there

keep going mel. theres magick in every moment.

[Mel]

all good now tho, there is ALWAYS hope.x

And very happy for you too deep, though hope,I don't honestly think there is any here! Destined to be stuck in pig poop for the rest of my life, though that is not bad a bad thing at all

rubbish. just cos you cant see it doesnt mean it isnt there

keep going mel. theres magick in every moment.

   "I want to believe" Beam me up 

[Lesley Silvester]

Always hope.  And friends - and you have a lot of those on here.