[happygolucky]

I understand that one  SmallTimeSmallholder.
 
 

[Dans]

Sounds more like bipolar than straight up depression smalltime. I was misdiagnosed as having 'just' depression for years until my OH came with me. I always thought my ups werejust my version of being happy. When drs asked if I ever suffered from mania I saud no. Took about a year for me to believe the diagnosis, and watching stephen frys documentary. It mught be worth looking into. Whatever your OH suffers with  it is awful to struggle with mental health, but I think loving a suffer must be just as difficult.

Dans -posting from phone,apologies for typos

[deepinthewoods]

STS, i know that one, its the same for me, lost my best friend and my daughter lost her mum.

[happygolucky]

I suspect Bi polar....its the odd stuff and the complete change of personality rather than just down, and by saying "just" I hope not to offend as being down all the time is equally horrid.
I can relate to down times, one down time was when I first divorced, had a new life, left my daughters with their dad mainly due to finances as I was off to university, that was my big down time, my Brain was like fluff, I could not read, had no interest in anything and not able to think or want to think.....thankfully that was sorted, I did at that time write a list of things I could change and things I couldn't and worked on them starting with the easiest first, that was University and lack of money, I was extremal lucky to get 2 jobs that I hoped would work together, one was high powered and the other was a care job, the care job got me through my dark mood and the high powered one gave me status, I even had to mix with royalty but the jobs were knocked on the head after a year as I took up Fostering, I loved that, well for 6 years I loved it, in that time I also trained in drug counselling and carried on my youth work, those bad times became very good, plenty of me time to be with my daughters, plenty of money (who says money does not buy happiness?) and a wonderful new relationship. Anyway, all it boils down to is circumstances, things could have gone Soo wrong but for me they went very well.
The worry about things such as Bi Polar, they are hard to diagnose unless the person does something very public, that Stephen Fry programme was wonderful and it certainly got a few acknowledgements in this house.
Sometimes, to get a diagnosis is a very scary thing, but its more scary for those who care when there is no diagnosis, predicting mood swings becomes something you become preoccupied with.
Anyway, I am becomming far too open for a small holding forum   I have tried other forums but never felt comfortable, on here I do, certainly glad I came back

[SallyintNorth]

I have just recently been talking to a friend about the depression she suffered a few years back. 

Nickie, she could have written that post of  yours - every single symptom, in almost exactly the same words.

My friend was prescribed tablets, which she said made her put on weight that she's never lost, and cognitive therapy, which she found tremendously helpful.  She now has an armoury - a list of things to watch out for as signals that she may be slipping back into depression, and tools to use to manage the depression and its effects.

Oh - she's a smallholder.

The conversation arose because I was giving her an update on tests my doc has been running on me.  She said, "Sally, that sounds like depression."  Certainly the doc couldn't find a single thing wrong with me physically.  So now I am wrestling with the idea that despite being, in many respects, happier than I have ever been, there's some 'stuff' I need to deal with...  Tell you what, though, getting that 'stuff' out and dealing with it sounds very much less scarey now I know I have a friend has had problems and can talk about it!

[deepinthewoods]

sally this might sound daft, but i am happier now than i ever have been in my entire life, ive never been so content, have less stress than ever before, have more money than ever before. but, ive still got depression, thats what makes it sooo hard, you know everythings ok and your moving on but you cant shake that feeling like a black hole within.

[plumseverywhere]

and its so unpredictable too, isn't it? just when you feel settled and well and you know things couldnt' be better, the dark cloud can come down.

Worst part for me has always been snapping at the children.  I hate them seeing me when I'm down but sometimes it feels like I have the worst black cloud on me, everything is an effort and then they do the trivial "Muuuuuuuuuuuuuum, she's got my socks on..." or something and I snap at them like mother dogs do at their pups sometimes! 

[Lesley Silvester]

Sally, depression doesn't necessarily mean you aren't happy.  My OH had a miserable first marriage, made bearable only by having his daughter.  When she left home, so did he.  It was after we were married that he started having symtopms. When the GP said (having done various tests) that she thought it was depression, we couldn't understand it as his life was happier than it'd ever been but she explained that you can have depression because of things that are happening in your life affecting you or because you have a chemical imbalance that is nothing to do with what is going on.  He had a couple of years on anti-depressants and has been fine ever since.

[happygolucky]

I think its sometimes a case of not feeling any emotions, the tiny spell I had due to wrong medication, nothing made me happy, not even a treat or a day out, I felt sort of numb, could not cry or laugh....Then sometimes you want to cry at everything and when things around you are so good it makes it very hard to understand.
When we have a reason to  be down its easier to understand than when we do not.
In my case animals lift my spirt a lot,  being in with nature and taking time to look at things...not stuff in shops but people and whats around.
 

[Lesley Silvester]

When we have a reason to  be down its easier to understand than when we do not.
 

Exactly

[happygolucky]

 

[happygolucky]

 I for one will be going to watch this
http://youtu.be/Lj5_FhLaaQQ
 
Certainly reminds me of some one I know 
 
 

[NormandyMary]

I feel so low today. OH is not well, Im taking him to the doctors in a while with his chest again. They didnt cure his infection in hospital I dont think and he is still wheezy and coughing up loads. I woke up feeling like pooh, I actually did have a problem in that area first thing, its been on and off for a few days. Ive been sneezing and coughing and shivering. I slept for a couple of hours midday but that didnt really help. I just cant get warm.
Ive just been out to get the wood in for the night, then Ill have to put the boys to bed before I take hubby to the docs. I just pray that he doesnt want him to go back to hospital, I just wont cope. Ive had enough!

[Bionic]

Mary, you are really have a hard time of it. As if it isn't bad enough that OH is still unwell and then you aren't feeling good yourself.
You will plod on because thats what you have to do but try not to over exert yourself as you need time to recover too.
Not too long now until spring when everything seems to be a little brighter.
Sally

[MAK]

 My best wishes go out to all who are brave enough to share their difficulties and I hope that things improve for you.
 When I first started giving CBT for insomnia many people had associated depression. The following is is purely anecdotal and related to the title of this post.
  - At one time our team noticed that there were an high number of commercial pig farmers on our list. This was probably just by chance and related to our geography. Each seemed to complain of working in isolation and noise.