I'm in Ayrshire. If you read my intro post, you will see how little space I have for a wannabe smallholder. A lot more could be done with my space if I did not have young kids. (5 and 10). It would not support livestock other than hens. I rent, and have asked the price to buy, and I could not buy for less than £175, 000. I love it here, as I am a homebuddy, even working from home grooming dogs (single mum), but it is not as good for my boys. Whilst I can control who they play with out of school hours, for my peace of mind as we are 2 miles from the nearest village, I don't want them to grow up as isolated as I CHOSE to be. I, and they, are lucky in some ways, as they have never known any different, but if your kids are used to company, it would be cruel to move them to a place where company could be a difficult thing to achieve. OK whilst you can run two cars, one for your commute, and another for your wife and kids to stay in touch with people, but what happens if a car is off the rd, as mine is now? Can your wife and kids stand TOTAL isolation until it is fixed?
I thought that I could be a stay-at-home Mum, grow veg and be happy whilst I brought up the boys. Even with my partner, who worked on the estate that we lived on, I did not have the time with a baby/toddler in tow. Even now that my youngest is at school, I rarely get the time to tend my garden, or the weather when I have the time, tho' I still try. I would concur with one of the last replies. Stay on the edge of a village with a school, other kids and company for your wife, and try to rent some land from a farmer. On a short lease, to see if it suits. I did that with some success years ago, before the kids, on my own, until I moved to Scotland.
I'm sorry to rain on your bonfire, or give ammunition to take home, whichever, but whilst living the 'Good Life' may suit some in a family, it may not suit all. I love it, but perhaps my boys may say different if asked and given a choice.
Think lots more, and talk together lots more. If your wife would like to ask more, or yourself, I think I have put on here that I can be contacted by email. I may have put things not allowed on the site;- I'm new so not sure on that, but I AM sure that it has to be a decision that you BOTH make, not a compromise or a sop to one or other. Even a family sized fruit and veg garden takes time and commitment and small amounts of capital input at the most inconvenient times. A smallholding would require a lot more, and I would not consider it unless I could own my property and still have money spare to start it.
Regards
Ruth