[Fluffywelshsheep]

brilliant like em all so far

[doganjo]

here's one for the ladies.
whywomenneedcatalogs.wmv

You need to put this into google to find it - funny though!

[sheila]

 SORRY I FORGOT TO SAY THAT YOU NEEDED TO GOOGLE IT! 
Any way heres one for the chaps  www.lolblipsdailyradar.com/video/youtube_malpki/
don't look at this if you are easily offended.

[sausagesandcash]

There was three lads - a lad from England, and lad from Scotland and a lad from Ireland. They got to talking amongst themselves and determined that their wives were cheating on them.

So they got to decided to go away and look for a bit of evidence and they’d come back three weeks later and meet in the very same place, which they did. Sitting around back at the same corner of the counter the Paddy Scotsman was the first to speak up,

“How did you get on?” says the other two boys.

“Not too good,” says he, “my wife is going with a carpenter.”

“How do you know?” says the other two boys.

He says, “I found a carpenter’s toolbox under the bed.”

The Paddy englishman spoke up next.

“My wife is going with a butcher.”

“How do you know?” says the other two boys.

He says, “I found a butcher’s apron under the bed.”

And they turned to the Paddy Irishman and asked

“How did you get on?”

The Paddy Irishman says, “You think ye’re bad - my wife is going with a horse!”

“How do you know?” says the other two boys.

Says he, “Didn’t I find a jockey under the bed!”

[sausagesandcash]

Jeb from Texas is visiting Ireland. Paddy is given the task of showing Jeb around and, upon learning that Jeb is a farmer, Paddy takes him out to the country to show him his farm.

Jeb spends most of the trip exclaiming about how small the roads are, how small Paddy’s car is, how small Paddy’s house is and how most everything is bigger and better back in Texas. After a few hours of this Paddy is getting a bit tired.

Finally Jeb and Paddy are leaning over Paddy’s fence watching his horse in the pasture. Jeb pipes up,

“Ya know, Paddy, this field sure is small.”

“Is that so?” a resigned Paddy replies.

“Why sure!” says Jeb, eyeing Paddy’s horse, “If I were to ride my horse around my property back home, it’d take me two days!”

“I used to have a horse like that,” Paddy fires back, “had to shoot ‘im.”

[sausagesandcash]

Two Irish lads met at their local one weekend. They got to discussing the week’s events and Mick asked Paddy about his horse, who had fallen ill.

“Ah sure,” says Paddy, “the veterinarian came out this week and said we had to put him down.”

“That’s a shame,” said Mick, “and did he shoot him straight away?”

“Well,” says Paddy, “First he said we should dig a great big hole for the horse. It was then he got out the gun.”

“And did he shoot him in the hole?” asked Mick.

“No, no - he shot him in the head,” says Paddy.

[sausagesandcash]

One afternoon Paddy and Mick were having a pint at a pub across from a brothel. For the craic, they sat in the front so they could watch the comings and goings across the street. The two lads were shocked when a presbyterian minister walked into the brothel.

“Begod,” says Paddy, “that’s a shame to see a man of the cloth going bad!”

A while later a Jewish rabbi walked into the brothel.

“Ah,” says Mick, “wouldja lookit that! Tis a shame to see the Jews giving in to temptation as well!”

More time passed and a Catholic preist walked into the brothel. Both men sat up in their bar stools with concern. Paddy turned to Mick and says in a whisper -

“Didja see that, Mick? One of them girls must be on her deathbed!”

[sausagesandcash]

It was a quiet day in an English pub and a few local blokes were feeling like starting a bit of trouble. Well, just then Paddy Irishman had the misfortune to walk in and order a pint of stout.

One Englishman turns to the other two and says, “I say, let’s get a rise out of Paddy, shall we?” They all agree and one of them walks over to Paddy’s table.

“I hear that St Patrick was a raving drunkard, pissed out of his mind half the time.” the Englishman sneered.

Paddy looked up from his stout, shrugged his shoulders and said, “Ah, now,” before turning away again.

The second Englishman walked over. “The way I heard it, Saint Patrick was a lech and an adulterer.”

Paddy shrugged again, saying “Ah, well,” and appeared not to react to their barbs.

The two Englishmen looked in confusion at the third. The third smiled viciously, as if he knew just the thing required to upset poor Paddy. Standing, he called out,

“I heard that Saint Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!!”

Paddy looked up from his pint for a third time and said, “Sure, weren’t these other two lads just trying ta tell me the same thing!”

[doganjo]

You're full of them tonight, aren't you, sac. love 'em all!   Oh , no I think I replied too quick - you've posted another one, haven't you?

[sausagesandcash]

One night on the small, dark Irish country roads an Englishman and an Irishman were driving recklessly and collided, demolishing both of their cars. Amazingly, the two men emerged from the wreck unscathed. Astonished by their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike of each other from that moment forward.

The Irishman at this point fetches a bottle of 12-year-old Jameson from his car and hands it to the Englishman who gratefully accepts it, removes the top and hefting the bottle in a toast, cries,

“May the English and the Irish live forever in peace and harmony!” Still shaky from the wreck, the Englishman takes several hearty swallows, draining a good half of the bottle before handing it back to Paddy.

“Eh, no thanks,” says the Irishman, “I think I’ll just wait for the Police to get here.”

[sausagesandcash]

Before anyone goes all PC on me. I am, of course Irish!

Regards,

Morgan

[doganjo]

I had already guessed that!  Nobody would be daft enough to post all these otherwise - they are defo good gigglers, thank you!
Annie

[sausagesandcash]

One day a woman who owned a pet duck awoke to find her beloved animal lying still upon the floor. Deeply concerned, she rushed him to the local veterinarian, who was known to be a grumpy and contrary man.

The vet asked her to put her duck upon the examination table and prodded the waterfowl a few times with a biro. Nothing happened. Turning to the woman, he announced,

“Madam, your duck is dead. That’s gonna be 20 euro.”

Well, she became very upset upon hearing this and cried, “Surely it can’t be true! Isn’t there something else you can try - he just can’t be dead! Can I have a second opinion?”

At that the vet gave a sharp whistle and a black labrador retriever bounded into the room.

The dog approached the table, sniffed the duck a few times and then retreated, backwards, to the corner where he lay down and put his paws over his head.

“Now do you believe me?” the vet said to her again, “Your duck is dead.”

“What was that?!” she cried, “You call that a proper examination? I demand you give him a proper examination!”

The vet then made a “whshhh! Whshhhh!” sound and a cat entered the room. He leaped onto the table with the duck and carefully walked all around it, peering at it intently from all angles. Then he leapt to the floor, retreated next to the labrador and lay down, also putting its paws over its head.

“Well!” said the vet, “I think we can safely conclude that your duck is, indeed, dead.”

“You’re insane,” replied the woman. “I’m taking my duck and going to another veterinarian. Now, how much do I owe you again?”

“One hundred and forty euro,” replied the vet. The woman was shocked.

“Just a minute ago you said it was just twenty euro!” she cried.

“Yes,” replied the vet, “but since then we’ve had a cat scan and a lab report.”

[sandy]

sausageandcash! are you a stand up comic? had loads of giggles!!! I used to work in a small office with an Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman....honest!!!!

[Mr Pig]

In court, the lorry company's fancy hot shot solicitor was questioning Seamus.

'Didn't you say, to the Garda at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'? asked the solicitor.
Seamus responded, 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite sow, Bessie, into the...'

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Seamus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....'

The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor, 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite pig, Bessie'.

Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite sow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move.’

‘However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Garda on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.’

‘Then the Garda came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?'‘

'Now what the hell would you say?'