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Author Topic: the battle is won or lost in the first 3 years  (Read 2311 times)

yankieGirl

  • Joined Jan 2011
  • Pennsylvania, USA
the battle is won or lost in the first 3 years
« on: August 10, 2011, 03:34:28 pm »
For the most part, the battle that is parenting is won or lost in the first 3 years.  The best thing you can teach your little one is who is the boss and that it is NOT them!

Now that seems so simple because it is.  As a parent you are not to be a FRIEND until your baby is an adult on his or her own (living in your basement without a job is not living on their own!)

The first word baby should understand is NO (stop arguing with me and listen, love is a given.  It should be omnipresent at conception) (quit worrying about a perfect world, you can only really influence your immediate sphere of influence)

"No" should never come out of their mouth directed at an adult(don't even start the abuse argument.  Again it is a given that abuse shouldn't occur.  As a matter of fact, if you have forbid you kid to say no, and he says no to some adult, you know there is an issue with the adult.)

Too many people have failed to establish guardrails around their kids.  So that when the kid starts to test the rails, he never crosses the warning gravel and smashes safely into the rails because no rails were established.  He crashes and burns.

Only 10:35 here and I think I've had too much coffee this morning
Voss Electric Fence

jaykay

  • Joined Aug 2012
  • Cumbria/N Yorks border
Re: the battle is won or lost in the first 3 years
« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2011, 03:40:34 pm »
Yep, go with that.

Love because they're them, not because they have to earn it. Make sure they know you love them regardless, and always, though you make not like certain sorts of behaviour.

Firm boundaries, you're their parent not their friend. 'I hate you' is all part of being a parent and shouldn't hurt too much, get your other half and adult friends to console you rather than backing off from your kid.

Support their teachers , not your kid against them. Apart from the odd bad apple anywhere, you and the teachers are on the same side, trying to do well in bringing up a good kid.

Your praise, time and good opinion is the reward, not money and stuff.

yankieGirl

  • Joined Jan 2011
  • Pennsylvania, USA
Re: the battle is won or lost in the first 3 years
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2011, 03:45:10 pm »
Jaykay,

I bet your kids are or will be fine adults!!!

Wish we could convince everyone to parent like us.  To many obviously aren't as is evident in the riots here in the US (we are having them in cities here too.  Not nearly as bad as yours) and over there.

pikilily

  • Joined Jan 2009
  • Do what you enjoy; And enjoy what you do!!
Re: the battle is won or lost in the first 3 years
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2011, 03:50:02 pm »
here here!
Emma T  :wave:
If you don't have a dream; how you gonna have a dream come true?

jaykay

  • Joined Aug 2012
  • Cumbria/N Yorks border
Re: the battle is won or lost in the first 3 years
« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2011, 05:00:48 pm »
The thing is, I was parented like this myself, so had good ways to learn from. Bless my very poor, quite young parents, for doing it well  :)

The hard part is breaking the cycle, where there is bad or no parenting. Barnados are trying to do something about this I understand.

Or increasingly, watching some of my friends, where there's no man about, the single mum can seem to make her kids her confidantes too much. But I can't say how hard it must be to avoid that because I've not had to bring kids up on my own. Not all, one of of the most impressive parents (and human!) I know is a single mum.
« Last Edit: August 10, 2011, 05:02:53 pm by jaykay »

robert waddell

  • Guest
Re: the battle is won or lost in the first 3 years
« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2011, 05:14:33 pm »
in a normal loving relationship the first child is the child of love the rest are a matter of course :farmer:

yankieGirl

  • Joined Jan 2011
  • Pennsylvania, USA
Re: the battle is won or lost in the first 3 years
« Reply #6 on: August 10, 2011, 05:42:26 pm »
in a normal loving relationship the first child is the child of love the rest are a matter of course :farmer:

They are all a matter of INTERcourse!  Always a choice.  (No rape or AI procedure discussion.  If they were the only lost souls we had to deal with we would be in hog heaven)

Children in the bond of marriage.  Stay married (no crying to me about divorce.  Unless you are getting the tar beat out of you or your kids are being truly abused, no reneging on the marriage.)

We know what works best but we continuously try to justify our missteps and try to change the norms of culture to suit our screw ups.  Then we are wail that the kids are rioting in the streets.

robert waddell

  • Guest
Re: the battle is won or lost in the first 3 years
« Reply #7 on: August 10, 2011, 05:51:58 pm »
i think you have misunderstood what i wrote     yes intercourse has to be performed       every child should be wanted  :farmer:

yankieGirl

  • Joined Jan 2011
  • Pennsylvania, USA
Re: the battle is won or lost in the first 3 years
« Reply #8 on: August 10, 2011, 06:18:39 pm »
i think you have misunderstood what i wrote     yes intercourse has to be performed       every child should be wanted  :farmer:

That's my point....every child isn't wanted but we all know how to make 'em.  So when one becomes pregnant or impregnates someone they have made a minimum commitment of 18 years.

Actions have consequences.  That is another fact we have stollen from the generations brought up in the welfare system or by foolish parents who fend for themselves. 

knightquest

  • Joined May 2010
  • Birmingham
    • Knight Pet Supplies
Re: the battle is won or lost in the first 3 years
« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2011, 09:38:01 pm »
I have two step daughters (28 and 25) who have been with me since the ages of 5 and 2 and an 18 year old son whose arrival on earth was about a month after I was neutered.

Didn't really want kids but felt that I should do my best for them. The best gift that they have got from myself and mostly my wife is independance. They also realise that every decision has a consequence and they are all happy folks.

As I have done what I set out to do, which was get them all to 18 then now I have had the pressure removed a little  :) Happy days!

Ian
Ian (me), Diane (my wife) and 4 dogs. Ollie (Lab mix) , Quest (Malamute), Gazer and Boris (Leonbergers)

 

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