[Sandy]

Hi all, I/we have been soooooo misarable just lately as we have been keeping quiet about Fostering, its a long long process as I did it before so I know what we are in for in all ways....so, we were getting excited and had our first part of the asessment, they looked around our house and said, they thought it was too big for children!!!! I had very little to say at the time as I was in shell shocked and became very very down and so did my hubby. They are going to do a health & safety inspection to see what we can do but I keep thinking and thinking that they are being far too cautiouse.

Anyone who has been to this house will know it is large but any children that visit love it and we would have a bedroom next to any child that is in our care and the bedrooms we would give them are above our living room and we can hear people walking around in those rooms, also we would give the child/children an intercome to contact us if they are frightened......Don't  understand it at all as I had three children that played where I was or vica versa and we are happy to have teenagers who spend most of thier time with friends or on the computer, we would welcome friends here and we have so many large rooms for a fittness studio or games room etc...gutted so 1 sorry for  being grumpy and 2 any suggestions.

P.S selling the house is silly as we would end up with just smaller fuel bills, less room and lonely!! And I have been keeping this under my hat as I know we could still fail the test but we are shocked to fall at the first herdle!!

[Roxy]

I would have thought a small house would have been more an issue, but there you go!!  It sounds ideal to me .....an older teenage could even have a sitting room to entertain their friends by the sounds of it!!  Don't think you are beaten, yet!!  I am sure the assessment will come up with something to solve your big house problem.  I believe they really need foster homes, so surely they will try and sort things for you?

Also you have done this before?  So, thats a positive thing as well.

I know you desperately want to bring in some money, and the bed and breakfast did not seem to work.  But, how about letting rooms full time?  Students, people who maybe work away from work during the week?  OK, you may have to let them share your kitchen .....but just a thought.  I know a man who has had to give his job up and return home, as he said prices for accommodation where he was working were too high. He just wanted a comfortable room during the week - that maybe is the way forward.

Maybe get a group of young professionals in on a house share?  Income would help!!

Of course, this is if the fostering does not come off - but fingers crossed for you!!

[Sandy]

Strangley thats what we do with the B&B, we do well for workmen, we have been full for a while, our problem is my Hub as no steady wage, he is doing odd bits and bobs, we can run this house on one decent income, by the way, I did work and am going back to work but it often clashes with people comming and going as if some one shuts our big front door we only have one HUGE key, usualy that only happens occasionaly but if any of our men are wanting to return here and the big door is locked they may go somewhere else, we often loose that sort of trade as many neighbours let the odd room for contractors, they also often have other houses that they let out too and people do not know that as its kept quiet,loads doing it here!!! We lost a lot durring that bad weather and also my Husband could not get to work either so no income for a while. We are just about catching up but we would love to Foster as I mainly enjoyed it before but I was living on my own and when children moved on I again had no income so I joined an agency with the intention to return to Fostering when my situation was better. Not much money in B&B as any money we get should go back into the house, repairs, decorating and bills, after everything, we only do it so I can be at home in a semi retired job and I do love it...otherwise I would not be on here in my dressing gown with a coffee!!!

[Sandy]

I do odd bits of youth work, care work and baby sitting if you need anyone..I'm available 

[Roxy]

I think the recession has hit people hard.  They cannot afford holidays as they used to - but I do think more are turning to camping and caravanning, as there seems a lot more caravans and tents nowadays on our local campsites.  But site fees are not cheap, so not sure if its much cheaper than B & B when you take into account the fuel used for towing a caravan!!

[Sandy]

I have just been on the phone to my daughter and the recession is certainly hitting hard, there is bond to be more crime but funny enough, I just got an interview for a job related to crime (not my crime but others) only PT but its a few pennies!!!

We had our house values and I was not too shocked at how much its gone down as it was not bad at all, this house is very cheap and very big and would make an ideal family home and thats why I want to stay...a good friend...some years ago....let out that her and her boyfriend organise "orgies"  loads of money and loads of interest inthem but we are too shy and dare not do that....bit like that film " Eyes wide shut"

Hope your farm sale is going your way, my ex came from farming stock and his twin brother collects tractors etc, the times are very hard and very sad, only the rich, tough or crooks survie and come out smelling or roses!!

Off to make the beds as I am being a lazy slob!! cheers Roxy!!!!!

[Dizzycow]

Hi Sandy,
Just read your post. Our neighbour, who moved just before Christmas, fostered children in a big farmhouse - size was never an issue. How sad for you. These things often seem to depend on the individual rather than policies.
I am looking for help with the kids on a couple of occasions coming up, I'm near Dunfermline. If you're interested email me at [email protected] and I'll give you the dates!
Chin up,
Vikki

[Rosemary]

I can't believe you were scuppered because the house was too big. It's a fabulous family home - kids would love it, I'm sure. With so many kids in rubbish homes, they should be killing to get you and Steve (and the dogs) on their books.

Was that the Council? What about the private fostering agencies? I think it would be great to give some kids a second chance and a bit of tlc. All power to your elbow 

[Sandy]

Thats the reason we have been realy down, we get a lot of children here and they all love it, this was private and I rang back on monday to see if we could do anything to help and they are on AL, we are suppose to get a safey check, they said young children have a long way to come downstairs in the night if they are worried!!! I thought we would have over 11 year olds anyway and they would love the space.
I can see dogs may be a problem but we can pen them off or put them in the top part of the garden, they have not mentioned our dogs just yet but thats the next thing.

I had children and used to foster too and most of the time the children under 11 are playing around where you are, ie, if cooking they are either helping, doing craft stuff or home work or watching TV, we would have a bedroom near to them as I can see that some children might think we are a long way off but teenagers would love the space and most teenagers are either out with friends or on Playstation etc and we intend to put that sort of stuff in our dinning room and clear the garage for a table tennis table and fill in the pond for veg and add a swing and clear the shed for them!!!! I am shell shocked too but worse as they are not around to ask "whats next"
I fostered in a tiny terraced house and it was fine but I always said if I had had a bigger house it would be great, the teenagers could certainly blast out thier music, thats if they could hear it over my Prodigy!!!!

I wonder if anyone on here is used to doing asessments? I did child care ones and parenting ones so have a bit of inside knowledge.....strange thing as this house only has 4-5 bedrooms anyway!!!

[shetlandpaul]

if that was their reason go over the social workers head and speak to their manager. Is it possible that they were trying to let you down kindly. Did they think you were under stress from lack of work and everything else.

[Sandy]

The manager was VERY keen on us, we both have child care qualifications and not stress heads, I have years of ex in Social care etc and my hubby worked on the streets with homeless, asylum seekers and youth work. I fostered for 6 years but gave up due to lack of regular income, I then lived on my own and the last placement went back to his parents.
THe manager actualy looked angry at the women who does the asessment and kept saying to her "they know what they are doing they want to foster and have done it before"  but I think the asessor was fixed that we wanted young children and thats not the case at all, I am happy to have any age child and used to have very difficult teenagers in the past, so, they have not even started the asessment process yet, the manager came initialy and was raving about the house and what we could do etc, even thinking about being a central location for meeting up!!!!! We both did not ask too much but we will see, we may be only not suitable for small children, thats fine as being a youth worker, teenagers are my speciality..I can do teenage!!!

[tizaala]

Don't fret about the assesment, it's the pannel that is the big one. Bigger house simply means that you can have more than one kid. the independant agencies pay more than local authorities. dont forget to lock your telephone with a code for outgoing calls as we had one boy creeping down in the early hours dialing sex lines and he ran up a £700 phone bill in 1 week. If they think your only doing it for the money they won't go ahead.
Good luck.

[Sandy]

I was lucky in the past, mobiles were not as common as now, I know friends whos children have ran up huge bills too, we will do what we can to control that sort of thing IF we get passed, I have been through the panel and it was fine at that time and I was the first to be paid to have very difficult to place young people.....I had the lot...smearing...stealing...cruelty......weeing.....over eating raw food!!.......stalking.......hiding...running away!!!! I could write a book but still basicly enjoyed it, I also worked in youth work at the time and the young people enjoyed comming with me to the local club and meeting people, I did some film work as well that was good. Not  got the contacks at the mo!!!!
You still doing it ?

[tizaala]

No, we are not doing it anymore. We had VERY difficult children, too. The byfriend of one burned our barn down which resulted in our rent agreement not being renewed. The last two boys where then just to much, one rapist (his mother) and one child malester and didn't even mind what species he was maelsting. Saying that what really did it for me was not the kids but the lack of support and the whole package that came with the kid. One boy had twice a week contact with birth mother and it took all the time in betwen to undo the damage every week. One week was just to much and I had an argument with birth mother. Oh boy, the social worker, our social worker etc nearly killed me. Long story but in the end we just had enough. However, the very worst experience was when one of the girls placed in our care, finally wanted to report her stepdad for sexual malesting her and her sibblings. We were really excited that the b.......d was going to get done at last. We took her to the police station all ready to give a statement, only to be told that the child protection squad could not give us an appointment for three weeks. By that time she has gone of the boil. Finally she run away twice, straight back to the molestor and finally was placed in his neighbourhood.We did not make any money as all went on the kids or repairing the damage they did. Do not want to disillusion you, but you obviously had some difficult once yourself.
Just want to add that we had a very big house at the time and that was never a problem.

[jaykay]

Interesting what you say about contact, my parents long-term fostered a family of 5 and that's what they said about contact, it took all their time to re-settle the kids afterwards 

Sandy, the panel is sensible real-life people not dizzy, no-experience of families young social workers. They're so desperate for foster carers, especially for older kids, there's no way they're gonna turn you down cos of a large house