[faith0504]

Firstly i want to say sorry for not being on for a wee while, but to come on here and give you updates means i have to sit and think about everything and its all hurting terribly at the moment, im trying hard not to think to deeply about things at the moment, as it hurts so so much 

My OH  is starting to struggle with the side effects of the treatment, he cant take anything orally at all now, the hospital started his stomach tube off yesterday, he is being monitored to make sure he can cope with it, everything is going in via that, food, meds and drink, talking is also very painful.

He is very very tired and weak, he was home at the week end it was so hard, watching him in pain and watching the man i love, struggle, he is not the man i know at the moment, best way to describe it is its like watching him dying in front of me, i have to keep saying to myself its only the treatment thats doing this not the cancer as that is shrinking, but its an awful position to be in, hard to get your head round, i hope that all makes sense.

They are starting him on morpheine based painkillers tomorrow, so they should help, he has his last chemo session tomorrow and he starts his double dose radiotherapy sessions tomorrow, we are then on count down to the last session on the 27th april.

I hoping by posting these messages that if anyone else goes through this (god i hope none of you do) that these messages might help, even if its just a wee bit.

I still cant get to the hospital to visit him with my back, but we txt about 100 times a day, (love is) 

Even though things are so tough at the moment we are planning for the future, and the fighting spirit is still there, WE WILL BEAT THIS.

All our animals are being great they are keeping me going and giving me some normality, they are my escape time, time to think about them, so time out from the mad bad situation were in.

Roll on kissing this b***h of a cancer good bye, not long now.

Once again THANK YOU all so much for all your thoughts, messages, and support, you are all wonderful wonderful people 

 

[Sandy]

Thanks for sharing your deep thoughts, I know it helps, you also make me and others realise what we have is very preciouse, funny how animals are very good at stress relief, I imajine many on this forum will understand the pain you both are going through and just like any war, when its over, things will seem so much brighter!!!!

[doganjo]

I think it is so very strong of you to come on here and tell us these things when you are in such turmoil.  You are going through Hell and if we have anything to do with it, you will be out the other side soon.  Everyone who reads you're messages can't help but feel affected by it, and all our good thoughts are bound to affect things.  We can all tell a story of illness and bereavement, but you and McRoxy are special people - you won't fight this cancer on your own - we are fighting it with you, in spirit.

[darkbrowneggs]

In my thoughts and prayers tonight  Sue

[Beewyched]

I know this is easy for me to say, but ...
When someone is ill it's often their partner who has to deal with the fall-out - who becomes the carer, chief bottle washer, cook, cleaner, bum wiper, stockperson, financial manager etc, etc - basically does everything.  This is done out of love for the person who is poorly, without complaint or expectation, but ...
It doesn't mean that you can't be tired, stressed, feeling run-down, emotional (angry, sad, lonely, tired, frustrated, guilty ...)
It's not being made easier for you that you cannot be physically together at the moment either, but ...
You are beating this together, the war may not yet be over, but the battles are being won - Ms C WON'T get your man.  We are fighting  this together & are here for you - stay strong.
My thoughts are with you both 

[Helencus]

Oh faith. a great big hug Hun x
Keep strong the war will be won x

[Hilarysmum]

Its lovely to hear from you, we are all here for you, please keep posting when you can.  Love to you both.  You will beat this thing.  HM

[Sylvia]

Sending all my love and strength to you both

[Rosemary]

Our positive thoughts are with you both 

[bloomer]

god bless you both

i feel for you, my own experiences of the evil C were as an observer (my dad had it) are 20 years old and I know medicine has improved greatly in that time, reading your messages brings back a lot of memories some good some bad.

i hope once the chemo and radio therapy are over you will get the person you remember back and you can continue to live the happier life you both deserve!

[ellied]

Thinking of you both regularly and wondering how things are going so delighted to hear from you even though it's a painful post to have to write.  Hang onto the fact that this is working and the tumour is shrinking, so while the treatment is causing suffering, it will be worth it when he has the hindsight to reflect on it from a much healthier and happier point in your lives.

Animals drive me nuts sometimes but I don't know how my life would have any normality without those daily challenges and the routine of things that need doing and have to be got on with no matter what.  They can't help but ground you in a reality where life is going on and it is great that you have that as you might otherwise have no other reality than the hospital you can't get to and that would make things even worse for you.

I think back to my mum's journey with cancer and what she must have gone through I cannot imagine.  My pain remembering the times I wish I'd been with her and couldn't be is intense even 2 years on.  But I do know that every contact helps, no matter how it is managed, calls, texts, letters, cards, prayers, distance reiki, emails, messages via others, it doesn't matter how you maintain the connection, it is the love behind it that counts and he will know that.

Hang in there - this will pass, your love won't.

[doganjo]

I think back to my mum's journey with cancer and what she must have gone through I cannot imagine.  My pain remembering the times I wish I'd been with her and couldn't be is intense even 2 years on. 

That never leaves you - my Mum died from lung cancer almost 20 years ago and I still regret not seeing her enough, and telling her how much I love her.  Nowadays she would survive with all the improvements in treatment. 

We all have some story to tell, so we all are fighting this with you, Faith.  Keep smiling!   That Ms C doesn't like smiles and laughter - it weakens her!  We smile - she gets weaker.

[HappyHippy]

Thinking of you both & wishing I was closer.
I know how hard it is to stay strong when it feels like everything around you is falling apart - it does take a lot out of you, the main thing is to make sure you & yours are okay - you can catch up with everything else later & we all understand.
Much love
Karen 

[faith0504]

Thanks so much you lot, 

The fight goes on, i not giving up or giving in, miss C is not going to win this battle, he is mine all mine and nothing is ging to take him away from me.

Im just exhursted, pyhsically and emotionally, but im getting through everyday, cause every day were a day nearer this war being over, the animals are amazing they all know something is wrong, they are all being extra loving and very very good, which is most unusual esp my little mini filly, who lives up to her name every day, with some mischief or another, she is called tinkerbelle, tinker for short, when i go over to the horses i get a chorus of whinnies, they are brill, my big mare, faith, keeps hugging and grooming me, they are my escape, if feel so sorry for folk who dont have animals in there lives for whatever reason, im sure i would be at the bottom of a bottle of gin by now if it wasnt for, my best four legged friends, oh and not forgetting the hens and ducks.

speaking of escapism, best go and clean my hens and ducks out 

Thanks again everyone 

[little blue]

remember to take care of yourself, as well as the animals & husband.
  I hope it gets better for you both soon, thoughts are with you