[egglady]

I have a chestnut welsh cob geldling who is my very special boy - you know the one you want to be with when things are cr@p, the one who you just know will keep you safe no matter what happens and the one who nuzzles in when you feel sad?

I've been hanging off taking him to the vet for a week or so as I kind of felt that I wouldn't like what I heard...rightly so, as he was diagnosed with quite severe articular ringbone today and i was advised to retire him straight away.  looking at his x-rays i do think the vet is right.

i am so unbelievably sad; i feel like something inside me has died and i just cant bear the thought that i will never, ever sit on his back again and go for a gallop over the fields.

there are various surgery options, but at 18, it is too far on and he is too old to put through such trauma without any guarantee of a successful outcome.

[ellisr]

oh that is so sad, but just think he will still be around to snuggle in and be the best boy ever. I haven't been able to ride my boy for a few months as he had a weight problem and I didn't think it was fair on him but he has been a sweety and always there to give me a snuggle and a sloppy shoulder.

[Rosemary]

Maybe you could start teaching him a few tricks - it would give you both something to do together, with a purpose. It will keep his mind active. Can he not be ridden at all? Even at walk?

[jameslindsay]

I'm sorry to hear that Laura, I know how fond you are of him.

[egglady]

thanks everyone and no, not ridden at all.  the x-rays showed various bits of bone that had come loose; severe loss of bone density; lots of swelling and that new bone that grows to try and compensate for what's being lost.  there is also swelling around the pastern which can clearly be felt and also shows on the x-rays.

given that a horse carries 60% of his/her weight on their front, it would be too unfair, not to mention far too painful for him to carry me as well, even if it were in walk.  even watching him walking up a hill i can see it - which is why i wanted him x-rayed in the first place.

vet also said that he would unlikely have a long retirement as it is degenerative - he cant say how quickly as we dont know how long it's taken him to get to this point, but that he would probably need PTS before he dies of old age.

it is so hard to hear these words, and while you know they are right cos you can see the 'evidence' right in front of you, you still want to not believe it.

we were so 'unfinished' and had so many things i still wanted us to to...i guess what's hardest is that.  i was always 'getting round' to doing this or that....and for so many things, i just never actually got round to it.

and then, if all of that wasnt a horrible enough day, my mum has just phoned to say that she saw her consultant today and is now officially registered blind.  for mum, that is just the very worst thing that could ever happen to her.

[Hardfeather]

That is sad.  Try to think about all the things you have done together and enjoy him while you can.

[knightquest]

I'm sorry to hear this sad news. I can 'hear' the sadness in what you write.

Enjoy whatever time you have with him and give him an extra big cuddle every morning.

All the best to you and your mum too.

Ian

[faith0504]

hi, we all have are special friend companion horse friend, mine is faith she is my everything my world, as you say about your very special boy the one you go to when things are crap.
you have so many fond memories that no one can take away and so many more fond memories that you can create together which i think will be extra special now.
enjoy the moment with him, he will guide you through this difficult time  :bouquet

[little blue]

poor boy, hope he isnt in too much pain. positive thoughts to you, your mum and your Boy  x

[Rosemary]

I'm sorry about your boy. I know how I would feel if I was in your place. 

[Helencus]

So sorry egglady big hug. I know how I'd feel if it was my lad and topped by your moms crap news you must feel so down. You still have them both and you will find a way forward for all of you.. Try to stay positive and think of The things you did manage to do with your boy.

[scotelf]

That's so sad for you and your boy. You still have his love and company though, but I know what you mean about going for a gallop, it kinda blows all the cobwebs away, doesn't it.

I feel for your poor mum too, my FIL has lost his sight very quickly in the last couple of years, and its tough going for him.

Keep your chin up, and go and give them both a big hug, x

[egglady]

I can't believe (well i guess i can or else i wouldnt have posted yeaterday) just how caring people that you've never actually met (apart from you James) can be.  not to mention how amazingly understanding and thoughful.  my genuine and sincere thanks to you all.

yesterday and last night were both horrible, horrible times, and i had a sleepless night expecting to find Benson lying dead in the field this morning! 

however, i am practical when the chips are down and phoned the vet this mroning to clarify a few points and he reminded me that Benson is probably nowhere near the being PTS stage yet.  though he cant of course say how near or far that time will be.

one of the things he said that really troubled me was that Bens was to stay out so he would be able to move freely, rather than coming in to his stable at night.  makes sense but not to Benson as he is the only horse i have ever met in my whole life who ADORES his stable and would stay in it 24/7 in the winter if i let him!  even a field shelter (if we could afford one) wouldnt make him happy i dont think.

and then i realised that we have the perfect area for him right under our noses....we have a 2 story outbuilding that we really only use the upstairs of.  it is huge, has electricity and 2 enormous doors which i think could easily be made into stable type doors.  this is perfect for him.  a huge area to move around in, right beside the house and he'll be happy cos he'll be out the wind and rain.  and he can have a pal in as well!

so i feel so much better about that as couldnt bear the thought of him out in the wind and rain, soaking wet, undoubtedly having mud fever.....

have investigated shoeing and it looks like equilibrium shoes will be helpful too.  does anyone know of, or have experience of these?  (and how expensive they might be?)

i'll also look into homepathic remedies as being on bute (even if it is danilon) for the rest of his days might have some long term side effects.  however, if that is what's best, then that's what he'll have.

still unbelievably sad, gutted, emotional, regretful...but feeling a bit more in control of the time he'll have left.

and of course, the truly amazing thing is that nothing has actually changed since yesterday and Benson is blissfully unaware of the whole situation.

and mum phoned at 7am this morning to say she was so worried about me last night that she forgot to worry about and feel sorry for herself!

[Pony-n-trap]

I am glad you have sorted a few things in your head and situation in order to make Benson feel ok, ie the large building etc.  I do really feel for you.  My special boy Odinn has a locking stifle if he loses condition over winter, am horrified to discover it has started already this year so have just been to vets for danilon.  Thing about Odinn, he too needs to be out so he can keep it moving but this is happening with him living out 24/7 and like you I am always 'getting round' to things which now seem to be to his detriment.  I am going to make a concerted effort to stop getting round to things and just do them.  He is my special special special boy, the one who knows all my secrets, who lets me snuggle him when I am down, when he knows I just want a cuddle for being soppy I get a nudge out of the way!  But if I put myself in your position, what you have been told, on my, I too would be devastated.

Big hugs to you and Benson! xx

[tazbabe]

made me sad reading your post. i know how it is to have a companion like benson.

your solution to him being able to move around but still enjoy his comforts sounds good, and he will still enjoy your company, you are his friend.