Thanks for the warm welcome guys. Don't have a balcony, so growing anything large is out, and all of our windows are hinged upwards and outwards, so anything grown on a windowsill would just get knocked off. We can't even grow herbs indoors as the cat just sees the plantpots of soil as adventure playgrounds. This may change with the house move that's coming up.
As for allotments, they're more difficult to come by than hen's teeth in this city, and the waiting lists are years long (if they're not being closed down *cry*) although we have tried. Most waiting lists are so long that we've been told they're effectively "closed". The rest, you need to be a member of the bowls-club mafia.
And finally, Pebbles. Thanks for the offer. It's very kind, and one day soon (when I'm not having to move house or anything) I may take you up on that offer and pop up and say hello. I think I know where strathblane is, and my grand plan involves pigs too. What sort do you have?