[shetlandpaul]

your very brave willing to take teenagers we have 4 of them. my sister in law has adopted 2 and the brother in law is nearly there for adopting 1. your very brave for wanting to do it. A friend had to foster two lads whos mum could not cope they had to go via a private agency brcause the council kept messing them about.

[Sandy]

Wow, I got off lightly then, although I had 2 girls that were pyro ?/set fire to things and were a pair of little devas, fotunatley I only had them for the night as thier Foster carer took them back, then they went into the papers for climbing on the roof of Social Services and threatening to jump!! A couple or rapeist too, one came from a farming back ground and was good as gold with me apart from nicking my hubbys fags..one thing I remember was not leaving your personal stuff around otherwise it disapeared. I had a few abused children and I know at least 2 of them went back to thier abusers, one went on to have a baby that also went into care, not sure if shes had any more but she also had mental health issues and was very scary but in a strange way, I liked her and had some fun with her........I am now remembering all the silly things that I disagreed with but had no leg to stand on, one 13 year old girl into prostitution and cocaine, had only just been taken into care and was initialy put into a community home for 2 weeks so they wanted her out ASAP, she came to me, nice as pie, very intellegent, then, wanted more and more money and ran off back with her mates all and every weekend, she also had her boyfriend visit that I was later told was an Evil Barsteward, he was older and I did not want to agree to any of it but I was told it was her right to have her boyfriend of all of 6 days visit...remember she was 13....the last time she was with me she ran off and started cutting herself with a friend and ended up in A&E, only superficial cuts, she said I had pinned her to the bed and threatened her (said this in another thread)I was shocked she would say that when I was with the rest of the home staff all the time I was with her,  when I turned up at midnight to the secure unit where she had run to, the room was full of staff and other young people so nothing was investigated as the girl was also under some influence but she rang me and I asked why she said that and she replied she did not know, so I agreed that she must be unhappy with me and she went back into the community home for a few days and ended up in a secure unit due to loads of stuff but sadly, that same older boyfriend raped her and messed her up, I am sure  I saw her in Glasgow when we first moved, her dad was from there and he was imprison for murder!!!!!!! I am having second thoughts already as I could also go on and on and on...BUT...still enjoyed it !!!!!!

[SallyintNorth]

Strangley thats what we do with the B&B, we do well for workmen, we have been full for a while, our problem is my Hub as no steady wage, he is doing odd bits and bobs, we can run this house on one decent income, by the way, I did work and am going back to work but it often clashes with people comming and going as if some one shuts our big front door we only have one HUGE key, usualy that only happens occasionaly but if any of our men are wanting to return here and the big door is locked they may go somewhere else, we often loose that sort of trade as many neighbours let the odd room for contractors, they also often have other houses that they let out too and people do not know that as its kept quiet,loads doing it here!!!

Sandy, I know absolutely nothing about any of this, but have wondered, reading all, whether the problem the social worker saw was not the size of the house per se, but that there could be any number of workmen staying there at any time - and maybe some social workers would be worried about an inability to vet or even know who was going to be near the children?

Sorry if that's a stupid thing to say, maybe lots of foster parents do B&B, but it seems we all think there must be some reason other than the size of the house.

[Sandy]

Mummmm? I would not be able to run the B&B and Foster, all that stay in the house would have to be vetted anyway, that includes family and friends, like I say, done it before. The social worker said we would not hear or be able to monitor children as the house is also fairly sound proff ( we were packed full last night and it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop) She said any frightened child would have to walk a distance if they were in bed and we were watching TV downstairs, but thats stupid as we can hear people walk around above us and we would move our bedroom to one near to thiers and we would also have a monitor in thier room for them to contact us if needed...eg, thier bedroom would be abover our living room and we would sleep in a room next to them! As I said, the manager wants us to go ahead, the house suitablitiy usualy comes at a later stage but they brought that in first to highlight and to save time that little children would not be able to be monitered 24/7. Now most children would either be watching TV in the room with us or next to the kitchen, or doing an activity such as home work, arty stuff etc, playing on the gameing computer etc and as there would be two of us, we could certainly keep an eye on them!! THe teenagers I looked after were either at School, youth club, watching tv with me, cooking with me or eating, sitting in thier room listening to music or out with thier friends!!!  The first time I fostered they were conserned that my small house was too nice, and that I would not like children messing it up, that was not the case at all...they may think the same in this house as its set out for B&B and not for children just now!  The asessor was also not listening to us as she kept on about "young children" and kept saying we would have teenagers, she also saw we sleep downstairs and kept going on about that and I said, we would use one of the upstairs rooms next to any child!!!!! Not sure when the next stage happens as they are all on Leave at the moment.

PS, if there were another reason they would tell us I am positive as I have met others that have been refused and the social worker that came to make the asessement said, "so you are thinking about moving?" Any move in this economic climate would take a long while but they also seemed to think we could just move out of this house and into another, just like that!!!!!!! We did have a valuation and it was fine but we would never get such an ideal house and situation and would loose money in the sale and not be able to get another morgage as my husband is not in full time employment although he is this week!!!

[sabrina]

I gave up fostering as it upset my own children too much. We only had 3 bedrooms and many a time children arrived late at night to end up sleeping on the floor such was their urgent need. It did my head in that the kids were often put back into a house where they had been badly treated. Its very hard as most of these children are passed from pillar to post all the time.

[Sandy]

I knew of too many horror stories of Foster carers who had thier own children at home!!  One boy I had was lovely but he soiled and smeared and he shared a room with the Foster Carers own son of similar age!! thats how I came to have him stay, we did not keep him at that time as I was looking after a very difficult teenage girl and she would have made his life hell, so, we just had him for respite, so he was placed somewhere else, I wonder what happened to him, bless him, he tried so hard and we would have loved to have given him the home he needed!!!!

[doganjo]

I must be a really bad person.  I couldn't be doing with kids like that in my home.  I'd just get angry with them.  Good luck to anyone who does, but I'll bet some of them just need a good talking to.

[Sandy]

They are only children that have been through a lot and had a bad start, it can take time but its often very rewarding to see the change!!! A bit like animals, if you are too threatening you get what you give back, they do however test your patience and anyone who t hinks they cannot do it shouldn't!!!!! It will be a very long process and we may well not get through.....I did before and was not at all settled then AND I was on my own!!!

[ambriel]

We used to foster, too. At the time we had a large house that had previously been a Victorian school. Size was never an issue. Although we'd signed-up for older children we mostly looked after smaller ones. This was in Argyll.
We stopped when we moved here and simply don't have the room but would consider going back to it in the future.

[doganjo]

I have a friend who has fostered for 30 years and I don't remember her ever saying to me that the kids were this bad.  John and I once thought of doing it, but we were told we would not get 'difficult' children.  That was in Aberdeenshire so maybe there isn't the same problem up there.  In the end we decided not to go ahead for various reasons.

[Sandy]

The agency we have joined (not too late to go to another) used to have this area for children from highlands etc, now, they have moved head office and take Children from Glasgow and we were told, there is a HUGE difference!!!!

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/boy-13-charged-murdering-foster-mother-153542886.html


 

[ambriel]

Something that we were very concerned about was how appallingly bad some of the people supposedly running the cases were. Generally they weren't fully qualified social workers but 'social work assistants', who presumably are a lot cheaper to employ than the real McCoy.

Kids would arrive without paperwork, medication, all sorts. One lovely little lad we had for a while had to tell us himself that he had asthema (when he started feeling ill) and that he didn't have his inhaler with him. Luckily our local GP was only round the corner and prescribed some for him. Social work assistant hadn't a clue and seemed only interested in getting him back to his druggie mother and b/f as quickly as possible. We were later told he was taken off her again within days of being returned. 

[Rosemary]

IMHO, Social Work wait too long to take kids out of dysfunctional homes. By the time they do, the children are damaged almost beyond repair. One of our psychologists at the Council said it was like a plant - if you forget to water it for a couple of days then give it water, it will recover. If you don't water it for a month, it will be dead, no matter how much water you give it later. She said that kids were like that and often by the time anyone intervenes, it's too late. Social Workers used to say that there was nowhere to put kids taken into care.

But isn't it a vicious circle - by the time the kids are fostered, they are so damaged that fitting into a "normal" family is almost impossible. If they were taken away quicker, more folk would be able to foster because the kids wouldn't be so damaged.

[Sandy]

Totaly agree Rosemary, when I worked in the family team, babies were kept with families as long as possible and services put in, some families had every min of the day covered with some one going in, play schemes etc etc., I saw families that were extreamly concerning, I went in as part of a service and one family I can think of had a whole lot of imediate family either in prison or on the sex offenders register, the father and mother were, put it this way, not people you would let feed your chickens Yet, after loads of Social work input, multi agency input, collecting evidence etc etc after a court hearing, the family were kept together!!! All in the team I worked in though it was inevitable they would be removed and and old childrens home was got ready but the case was not strong enough and the family moved freqently. Those children at that time were wonderful, they lapped up any attention and would have thrived in Foster care!!!! I wonder if they are still living at home? Of course I cannot say anything about them but you all would be very shocked that they were left with thier parents, thier dad even frightened me and thats saying something!!!  The court system is to keep children with families and thats when you get cases of such seriouse abuse and the childs death!!!!

So Sad!!!!!! I have so many stories I cannot share..........one family of 3 were removed from thier drug using parents and placed with gran parents, only to be swiftly removed when evidence came to light that the grandad had abused his daughter who had turned to drugs etc etc!!!!!