[cameldairy]

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:  She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."  He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."  "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."  - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -  Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
 
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing  trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on  it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -  Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music.." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -  Groucho Marx


 

[sandy]

  very funny, would love to have come up with some of them myself, may use the one by Mark Twain

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on  it?" - Mark Twain

.

Years ago, I worked in an upper School supporting those difficult students who otherwise may have been expelled, I made some great friends and went on to study at university after being offered a teaching post!!! I stood up in the full staff room and was presented with some wonderful presents, I started my short speech ..." I look on myself like Lassie! not a shaggy old dog but someone that moves from place to place, meeting people, helping them, making friends then moving on.....!" I always remember the laughs that one got and remember my days at that School fondly if not with a little embarrassment

[Rosemary]

Can't imagine many of today's "celebs" coming up with anything as witty.

[sellickbhoy]

my favourite Winston Churchill one is along these lines.

He was approached by a women at a party who remarked "you Sir, are drunk"

to which he replied, "and you are ugly, but in the morning, i'll be sober!"

[doganjo]

I'll always remember one interview I had - I have absolutely no idea what part of my brains this came from.  I was asked if I knew anything about litho printing (the position was Company Accountant of a Printing firm),  I said I didn't even know what litho printing was, but then said 'I don't know the meaning of every word in the dictionary, but I certainly know where the dictionary is'  I got the job.

[sandy]

 ;DIts all about confidence