[HesterF]

You've probably all been asked this a hundred times but please help! Husband is keen to get a dog, I'm less keen (because he goes to work for 12 hours a day and it'll be just another animal for me to tend which in this case would involve walkies and poo picking). Anyhow I'm considering it...... and the first question is whether just to go for a rescue mutt or a specific breed. And if a specific breed, which one? I'm not against mutts - we have two moggy cats who are brilliant - but reading through the rescue centre animals, most seem to want a quiet environment (most specify no children) and may not suit us.

We have three small children (8,6 and 4), the two cats, two lizards (who don't really factor into this because they're locked away from the cats already) and a varying number of chickens, ducks and geese. Plenty of space inside and out and quite often I'm outside anyway but I don't have hours every day to dedicate to exercising a dog specifically. None of the kids are particularly into the idea of a dog so it shouldn't be too big or intimidatingly boisterous (although I'm sure they'd like playing with one once they got used to it). Oh, and I don't like small, yappy dogs. And I really can't cope with a dog that is predisposed to chasing the poultry or cats - is this something all dogs can be trained out of or are there specific breeds that would be easier to train into accepting poultry than others?

So do you think there is a dog out there that will suit us? As you can probably tell, I'll not be upset if you tell me a dog would be a bad plan!

H

[SallyintNorth]

Any rescue centre will tell you that the entire family should be into getting a dog, not just one member, especially when that one member isn't the one who will be home most of the time!

So if you want validation that getting a dog is a bad plan - it is. 

[Backinwellies]

Why are you considering it?

[HesterF]

Why are you considering it?

I do like dogs so I suspect if we got one, I'd fairly soon get used to having one. I've looked after other people's dogs in the past and had lots of fun! Good for keeping the foxes away. I also think the kids would like to have one as they get older - we went to see some beagles the other day (not suitable pets - just because they were meeting as a pack) - and my youngest loved them. And husband is so keen - he was brought up with dogs and has many fond memories. But it just feels like a very big step and I always research stuff so carefully, I can easily get put off by the downsides and by the time you've got one, it's too late to take it back! My son got his lizards for his seventh birthday and that felt huge beforehand - animals requiring heat, UV light, live food - but actually they're pretty easy now they're installed. But dogs seem to cost so much, require a lot more attention, need to go to puppy training classes and potentially could wreck a lot more than any of our other animals. We're already tied down so one more animal makes little difference there - especially one that can hop in the back of the car - but so much else to think about! I need a 'arrrggghh' head-holding smiley!

H

[Rosemary]

Yes, dogs can be expensive and take time and you are absolutely right to do your research and think this through. Also the written word is always harder to interpret than spoken but I don't get the impression that you love dogs or that the kids love dogs. You quite like them if you're in contact with them but you can imagine a life without them.

Ours are 13 now and yes, they have been hard work at times. Sometimes still are. And they have been expensive at times and now they are older, both are on regular medication. But I cannot imagine life without them  and the upsides far outweigh the downsides (although it's touch and go sometimes in the middle of the night when Meg is butting my elbow with her head to check I'm OK  )

I think you have to go with your gut and no amount of research can over-rule that. The son of a friend of outs was desperate for a dog, so they insisted that he take an imaginary dog for a walk every morning for a month before and after school, to establish his commitment. He did it, they got a dog and Mum and Dad walked it thereafter - whatever you do, best just go with your gut.

[NicandChic]

Unless your 100% wanting one yourself I would forget about it, sounds like you will be the main carer, trainer, puddle cleaner...sleepless nights, biting, jumping up at the kids, pinching their toys...lots & lots of training, vaccinations, worming, neutering, food, considerations if the dog does fancy a chase of the chickens/ cats, how will the cats react etc, its a very big life long commitment, far to many dogs on Facebook, free adds & rescue centres now a days. Nothing to do with this post but we recently took on a 15 week lurcher £50 off Facebook, she was bought for a 18yrs old who wasn't bothering with her, no vaccinations, no socialisation etc, she's landed on her feet here but it makes my blood boil people passing dogs about like a bag of sweets grr!

[doganjo]

How about a compromise - the Guide dog forteh blind and other organisations are always looking fro puppy walkers.

[SallyintNorth]

The thing is, if you love dogs you will risk the downsides to get one.  But they aren't all a walk in the park.  Even experienced handlers get problems with dogs that they struggle to overcome - and sometimes fail to overcome.  The sorts of behavioural problems that can be very tricky include not being good with children, not being good with cats, not being good with chickens and other livestock, not coming back when called, chewing the house to pieces, being unable to be left alone, howling/barking and annoying the neighbours, fouling in the house, biting visitors, chasing cars, being unsafe in traffic, being smelly, running off/escaping, stealing food/raiding dustbins, being aggressive with other dogs (which makes walks a nightmare - ask me how I know)... I could go on.  (Incidentally I have had dogs which have had every one of these problems.)   

Then there are the health issues which you can do your best to avoid, but you can never have a risk-free purchase - so then you have a dog which may require carrying up and down stairs, short frequent ambles and no long walks or jumping or running, regular hydrotherapy, expensive operations / drugs (and which your insurance may not cover, especially if it is a congenital problem.)

Then one or more of the children may develop allergies - asthma, eczema, etc.

You're right with young children to avoid rescues / adult dogs - but then training a puppy is fraught with problems, especially when you aren't experienced, neither are the children, and even more so when there are cats and chickens about.

Tell hubby he can have a dog when the children are older and (a) out (of the way) more and (b) more sensible - and (c) you will have more time and energy to devote to the puppy too.

And if none of that works, find a good breeder of nice pet Labradors and get a lovely Lab bitch pup. 

[HesterF]

Thanks all. I think you're right to say wait. I have it in my head that we will get a dog at some point - just not now. It's a bit like having kids. I remember reading an article a few years before we had number one son and it was a list of reasons not to have a baby and the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't think of a good reason to have children. For every reason not to have a dog, there is an equivalent not to have a child (more expensive, take more training, more destructive etc.) but then you go ahead against all reason and can't imagine life without them. I reckon that's what will happen with us and a dog but if we wait until the kids are a bit older, they'll be better able to help or at least understand and I maybe won't be ferrying them around quite as much as I do now. Oh, and we might have more money 

H

[plumseverywhere]

We waited until our youngest was almost 6 and the eldest of the four was 11. I am the person who feeds, walks, poo picks, trains Murphy and that's fine because I wanted to have a dog more than OH did really.  Once the children are older they are more likely to realise that any shoes/toys left lying about will be demolished by a puppy (or even an older dog) they are more likely to show interest in training and walking and they will be able to poo pick.
I've just sent my 10 year old out to take Murphy for a wee and yo'd think I'd asked her to scrub the toilet with a toothbrush the amount of whining I had 

[Humblepie]

if 4 out of 5 of you dont want a dog, then dont get one. they are alot of work, make a mess of the house and restrict your life in many ways. you have to love them to enjoy the experience.
when i was without a dog i used to go and walk the dogs at the dogs home for my canine fix. is that an option for your OH?
youl find it hard to find a dog from a rescue centre with children so young, most say children over 12.

[Bramblecot]

Don't do it.  I've spent the last 17 years trying to rehome dogs, mainly from families where the dog has become a chore not a pleasure.  Let OH help at a rescue.... If he says that he hasn't got time for that, then he certainly hasn't got time for a dog at home.
sorry if I sound grumpy, but it should be a committment for the whole family.

[Mammyshaz]

The dog in the home is a 'family' pet and EVERYBODY should really, really want it otherwise it won't work.
Family time is interrupted to give the dog it's own time, whether training, feeding, brushing, walking etc. If somebody wasn't that fussed about getting one or is too young to understand a sudden extra body taking up somebodies time then resentment will raise itself. Not to mention the other negatives that can crop up. At least if you all want one then you all accept the downsides ( or at least can be reminded of the agreement to accept it  ) Of course there are great times with the family and it's dog but that takes time and establishing routine and training before any normality in the home is reached. That takes time,  months or even a year or so with a stubborn or boisterous youngster or a troubled rescue.
They are a long term  commitment which continually cost money to keep at a good standard of welfare. Think hard and careful. Talk to OH about his commitment too, the times walking in the cold, wet mornings or after a hard day at work, cleaning the toilet area daily, grooming, bathing, vet costs etc. all need shared.
Once you are all happy with the commitment of daily walks, care, cleaning, vets, playtime, training etc, then, and only then, would I say start considering the breed which may fit the family well.

[HesterF]

Don't worry - you're all supporting my suspicions! The tricky part is those that say you should only get a dog if you really love dogs. As far as I can see, you can't really love dogs until you've lived with them. That's why husband is so keen - he grew up with dogs that he loved to bits - and why the rest of us aren't sure because it's a completely unknown quantity. I have no idea whether I really love dogs or not - and before I had kids, I wasn't sure whether I'd really love them or not! I always had pets as a child but was never allowed dogs or cats despite begging....To be honest, I don't necessarily think you have to really love any animal to look after them. All of our animals have an amazing life and are diligently cared for but I accept that they're animals and clearly don't love them in the same way I love my family. So I don't really get the 'you must really love dogs if you want to have one' argument. Also kids are pretty unpredictable when it comes to whether they really, really want something or not which can go both ways - some things can grow on them, some things they were keen on fall out of favour - so it's very tricky to ask them hypothetically whether they'd like a dog or not. Meet the right animal and they'd all be keen, I'm sure.

BUT I do understand that the level of commitment to a dog is much higher than it is to any of the other animals we have and I think right now I don't have time to do the necessary training. I also think the kids will appreciate the benefits more when they're older and better able to help. So I'll keep husband on hold for a few more years - and he'll have to content himself with the robot puppy we got him for Christmas  .

Oh, and daughter (youngest child) is all keen on a pony too  . That is one bridge I am never crossing!

[Rosemary]

Your OH may have a rosetinted view of his old dogs. I was given a Border Collie puppy when I was 14. She dies when I was 29 in 1991 and she was the most wonderful dog - clean, loyal, very obedient, kind - just wonderful.

We got Tess, allegedly a BC, in 2000. What a bloody shock - apart from not being the easiest dog in the world, what I remembered was a 12-15 year old well trained BC, who was my constant companion and beloved family pet. Not a chewing, mildly aggressive pup that peed all over the place and had no reliable recall for years. She's great now, at 13. But I'll have less rosy glasses for the next pup.