[sabrina]

I expect I have been doing this for a long time without being aware but the other day my mother told me off. I talk over people. last night while visiting my son and his family my granddaughter was busy telling me about her day when I just started talking about something else. its very rude and I need to stop but how ?

[lachlanandmarcus]

I think the best way is to tell them to tell you if you do it, by interrupting you to do it, if it's annoying then you will instantly empathise! 

[happygolucky]

I can give you advice but probably do it sometimes myself and I know lots of people who do it to me...my advice is before you speak, count to 10 in your head...I used to take a girl to a psychiatrist who told her to imagine she had a remote control and put it on pause when she was going to say or react to something, that is another tip. I know I do it as my brain works very quickly and lots of things trigger off things I want to say, I then feel if I do not say them, then and there, they will go, well if they do they do!!

[Alistair]

Your not the only one, I did it, still do sometimes, I try and concentrate on what people are saying instead of finishing their sentences off for them in my head and going of on a tangent, I find certain people, those I find predictable, make me do it more than others

[Womble]

 
Yes, I do that too.  Being aware of it is half the battle though.
 
It could be worse - I have a friend who repeatedly finishes my sentences for me...... wrongly! 

[happygolucky]

I also did an active listening course, that was very interesting, I do not always use what I learnt but its so eye opening, for instance, if you listen to someone, the words they say actually indicate their true and real feelings or thoughts......eg, a "how are you today" often indicates that the person has something they want to talk about, rather than just a "Hello or good morning" the words or content give loads of clues, often an " I am not worried," means the entire opposite, When done correctly, you can pick up on things and the person you are talking too will be amazed and think you are psychic.....Its worth going on a course like that, I have done loads as I used interview techniques that were subversive when talking with families about child care, first closed questions then open ones.......Listening can be interesting and may help you not to change the subject as it give you a focus!!

[RUSTYME]

My aunt does that to me on the phone . Asks me a question , then as i beggin to utter the first letter of the first word in answer , she tags on 20 more sections to the question as well giving every possible answer to the question she can think of , wtf is that all about ?
After an hour of this i am ready to commit genocide  .

Years ago i learned a trick . As people were talking to me , i could say exactly what they were saying as they were saying it .
In reality there was a split second delay , but it was inperceptable to the speaker .
I was word perfect with this , no matter how fast they spoke , or even if they spoke gobbledegook .
I told people i could read  their minds , and that i knew 'exactly' what they were going to say . It really spooked some people , but it was just a trick lol , albeit a very anoying one !
I wish i could still do it , it would drive my aunt potty .

[doganjo]

I find it very annoying and to be honest discourteous.  You should be listening to what people are saying not thinking and talking of something else - that said I do go off thinking of other things in my head but i don't talk over people.  It is especially bad in phone calls when you can't read body language or interrupt easily with a hand on an arm.

I must try to have less things to think about and concentrate more on what is being said to me.  I have been known to ask someone's name and unless i repeat it have forgotten it 5 minutes later. My bad!

[ellied]

I discovered I was doing this too  Usually I had tracked their thought and was responding before they finished saying it, rather than starting another topic altogether, but it's just as hard to break the habit even knowing..  I usually manage to wait for them to finish, but sometimes it's quite an effort, like part of me is tapping fingernails on the table to make them hurry up and say what I know they've already said somehow.. don't think it's psychic but my brain just leaps that way.

On names however, it doesn't leap or follow or vaguely grasp in passing, I'm hopeless, can listen carefully, repeat it back to them, and a few minutes later, nothing remains 

I can often recall an entire conversation with someone, complete with their animal's details, bizarre odd salient facts, when and where we were, and still have no clue what the name is!  As a former professional listener it was a useful skill set but I only had one person at a time, for an hour, with written notes to read before and writeup after, so it was way easier     And remembering an odd fact or sentence from months before at the right moment was often a major bonus to therapeutic work, more so than the name I reckon, so I wouldn't complain but now.. memory is just not my strong point at all!

PS, techniques include a mantra of "wait" whenever I feel my mouth ready to engage..  Sometimes it feels like making a dog sit with a biscuit on its nose, but at least it makes me smile while I'm waiting 

[sabrina]

I have promised myself that I will try harder by being more aware of what people are saying and taking my time instead of rushing into endless chat.

[Marches Farmer]

The tone of the voice generally goes down when the person has finished what they have to say.  I used to carry out exhaustive recruitment interviews as part of my job and mostly just used to ask open questions "Tell me about your job with Shell Oil, " and sit with a friendly expression, occasionally nodding or saying "Mmm,"  but giving no feedback or indication of what the ideal answer was so there were no clues for them to skew their responses.  I found that after half-an-hour or so they stopped trying to give the perfect answer and just told the truth - surprising what came out sometimes!  Took ages, but worked beautifully as a way to recruit people with the right attitude.

[happygolucky]

Marches Farmer , I will pass that one onto my husband  . My mother in law is very bad at changing the conversation to suit her, she does it with every one and I swear that next time we are together, I will change the subject  back.... This one is a classic man not listening one, I sat having coffee around our table with a rep and my husband ( he interrups all the time) the rep said something, I elaborated and suggested something, then my  now X husband chipped in using my exact words, the rep looked at me and said to my X, your wife has just said that, my X had no idea either!!!  My daughters tell me all the time their dad does not listen, at all, but he makes the conversation go  his way........

[Rosemary]

I talk over folk too - apologies to anyone on here that I've done it to. It IS rude and I will try to stop - if I do it, tell me. I put it down to having so much "stuff" in my head, I have to get things out while I remember - if I miss the opportunity, it could be gone forever. Maybe I wasn't listened to as a child.

My sister tells me the same thing several times - I've started saying "you've told me this already". 

On getting people to speak, the best I ever met was my old boss, who could maintain a silence like no-one I've ever met. He'd just sit there. Until the other person spilled. He just wasn't uncomfortable with the silence.

[Lesley Silvester]

My mum is terrible for talking over people. She'll ring and ask how I am. I start to tell her and she interrupts to tell me all about her latest health problems and those of her other half, and frequently family members and friends as well. She chats on while I sit and read my book. Every so often she says, "Are you still there?" I say yes and carry on reading while she tells me things she has told me dozens of times before. It's a waste of time telling her that I already know. She's even cut herself before now and carried on for ten minutes before she realises.