Agri Vehicles Insurance from Greenlands

Author Topic: and then the fight started  (Read 1936 times)

sheila

  • Joined Apr 2008
  • Mablethorpe Lincolnshire
and then the fight started
« on: July 24, 2009, 06:09:16 pm »
 
 



My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...


******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day..

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

******************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

*****************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a set of scales.

And then the fight started...

******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

******************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later..

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have got disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

******************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

 
 

JD

  • Joined Nov 2008
  • Glasgow
Re: and then the fight started
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2009, 07:33:14 pm »
Hi Sheila, so funny, brilliant.
JD

sandy

  • Guest
Re: and then the fight started
« Reply #2 on: July 24, 2009, 09:53:23 pm »
Very funny, men must find it hard to answer questions with out causing a row, I'm the same, if you ask if what yu've got on looks Ok then they answer without looking so that gets you mad but I bet we all would be much madder if the answer was "no, you look awful in it" carn;t win but we carn't help it!!!

rustyme

  • Guest
Re: and then the fight started
« Reply #3 on: July 24, 2009, 10:00:44 pm »
yep .. when asked by someone "does my bum look big in this ?" my reply was " No ...your bum IS big !!!" went down like a lead balloon .....what did I say wrong ? .... ::) ;D

cheers

Russ

lara

  • Joined Jul 2009
Re: and then the fight started
« Reply #4 on: July 24, 2009, 10:08:06 pm »
well, have you never though of just saying ' no darling you look beautiful as ever, that dress really flatters your figure'
 you see  the secret is to remember is that if we're happy, you'll be happy, buy if we're not happy..... I just dont think that you will be either!!!!!
 :D  :D  :D

 

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