We've got some big fig trees around and had lots of ripe figs last year. They need to have constrained roots which may be a good thing in your set-up - otherwise they produce too much growth and don't ripen fruit. I think their roots are shallow so unlikely to jeopardise your house - ours are about 4 - 5m high and the surveyors didn't raise any issues in our house survey (I also checked with our architect and a builder and neither thought there was any sign of a problem). I think our figs have broken out of their root constraints which is partly why they've grown so big - we had a couple removed entirely (there were eight in total and we don't like figs) and their roots had gone out over the top of the brick enclosures they were supposed to be in.
In our climate they only ripen one lot of fruit a year, in warmer climes they'd ripen two. So the ones you want for this year are the tiny ones that are just formed now. There will be a bunch of bigger ones that might be slightly blackened that would have been their second crop from last year but won't now ripen. You can take them off although I think the tree sheds them naturally anyway.
As for pruning, I think you're supposed to do it in the summer but we've had ours cut back hard this winter. Remains to be seen what will happen - I imagine they're going to go crazy growth wise in which case I'll intervene again this summer. You can train them as fans and so on so they're not averse to being trained. In your position, I'd prune it back to a decent form - keeping it in close to the wall so the fruit has a chance of seeing the sun and ripening and it doesn't take up too much space - give your tomatoes a fighting chance. Then just see what happens....I imagine it will require quite a lot of maintenance. Much like any fruit trees, if you try and keep their size down and they're on a vigorous root stock, they'll just keep coming back for more - so if you have any space to allow it to grow upwards and sideways rather than out, that might help.
H