[Fleecewife]

With at least two of our members preparing for their weddings, I got to thinking about mine, over 40 years ago.
 
Back then we didn't do present lists, or at least I hadn't heard of the system, so any pressies which came were a surprise.   I'm ashamed to say that I can't remember all of them, but some do stick in my mind.
 
The biggest was a bed - a divan so not to my taste and the children eventually managed to break it for me by bouncing on it    so I could justify a new bed.
 
Another was a duvet - now you might think that there's nothing exciting about a duvet, but back then they were barely obtainable in Britain, although common on the continent.  I loved my duvet    and still love its successor.
 
Something I had so hoped for was a preserving pan and my dear neighbour gave me one.  On our honeymoon I found a huge wooden spoon (at Tintagel  ) - I wonder if that's the weirdest thing bought on honeymoon     Eventually when we got a ceramic hob the original pan had to be replaced with a stainless steel flat bottomed one, but the original pan saw me through many happy years of jam making.
 
I remember a canteen of cutlery, now long gone, and a huge pile of household linen - which my MiL assured me was not in fact too much as it would see me through the lean early years and she was right.
 
The most awful thing was a coloured brandy glass with a ceramic siamese cat climbing out of it - we 'accidentally' left that one behind in our first move 
 
Do I still have anything of those original presents?  Well yes, rather surprisingly two beautiful blankets made of thick fluffy wool have survived down the years and still provide an extra layer of warmth over the duvet in the depths of winter.
 
What were your most memorable and useful wedding presents, and what would you advise our brides-to-be to put on their wedding lists?

[little blue]

we asked for nothing ...
and had some lovely gifts of wine, food, roses & plants, money (which paid for a new bed) some bed linen (my uncle considered money too vulgar!!)
and the presence of our wonderful friends and family at our reception ... which was all we wanted.

(7 years last week ago)

[Bionic]

My first wedding was in 1972 and I don't remember such a thing as wedding lists back then either.
A relative in Australia sent some little mats for drinks and cake forks, both of which I still have and use most days (obviously eating too much cake)
My brother bought me a set of enamel saucepans in red and then there was the obligatory toaster and set of glasses, all of which have long since bitten the dust.
We didn't have a duvet because as Fleecewife has said they wern't around in those days. I can remember them being so new here that there was a game on the Generation Game of put the cover on the duvet. 
Sally
.

[luckylady]

30 years next summer.  In those days wedding present lists were a notebook with one gift to a page so the giver could tear out their chosen gift, nothing like the posh department store lists of today.  Our most memorable gift for me, and not on the list, was from my younger brother.  A 'peacock' chair which, because he could barely afford it, meant all the more to us.  18 months after we married we lost my little brother to his 3 year battle with cancer so the chair is with us for life.  We have photos of him in it as well as photos of me feeding our girls as babies, our Dad on his 75th birthday, my pregnant SIL, our firstborn in daddy's inexperienced arms on the day we brought her home from hospital, my OH's rather large grandmother spilling out of it, cats curled up on it's various cushions and many more memories.  My late Dad's gift of a meaningful gentle squeeze of my hand at the church door is forever etched on my heart.  My Mum's gift which was caught on video so I didn't see until afterwards, was a tear in her eye as I said my vows.  As she never, ever outwardly shows emotion this, for me, was a huge realisation of how much she loves me.  These parental gifts reassured me of the support I had as I ventured into married life.  Priceless. 

[ballingall]

What a lovely post luckylady.


I might be controversial in saying this, but I don't like wedding lists. It feels like you are asking or demanding presents, which to me isn't the point.


We still have my mother's ironing board, a wedding present from 1965. Still use it too!


My cousin gives everyone in her family who gets married, a real sheepskin rug. She and her husband farm in New Zealand, and it is usually one of their own sheep they use. She got caught with my sister, and didn't have any herself, and so had to buy one! She was horrified at how much it cost!


Beth

[luckylady]

Do I still have anything of those original presents?  Well yes, rather surprisingly two beautiful blankets made of thick fluffy wool have survived down the years and still provide an extra layer of warmth over the duvet in the depths of winter.
 
What were your most memorable and useful wedding presents, and what would you advise our brides-to-be to put on their wedding lists?

They gave you a lifetime of warmth then FW - a thoughtful gift indeed.
If they have to have a list I would advise brides-to-be to keep the contents practical, affordable (guests can always buy more than one item from the list if they want to spend more) and necessary.  Avoid expensive luxuries and if bride/groom don't actually need anything but guests feel they want to give then suggest they make a small donation to a nominated charity or plant a tree.

What a lovely post luckylady.

I might be controversial in saying this, but I don't like wedding lists. It feels like you are asking or demanding presents, which to me isn't the point.

Beth

Thank you Beth.  I don't think you are being controversial, I couldn't agree more.  We found it very difficult to write a list 30 years ago because it went against the grain to ask.  Both a niece and a nephew have married in recent years and had one of these department store lists.  When I logged in to it I was really shocked at what they, in my opinion, had the cheek to ask people to spend on them.  I felt obliged to spend more than I would have liked. 
 

[SallyintNorth]

[warning : cynical divorcee about to pronounce... ]

Wedding gifts were meant to equip the newlyweds for their early married life, as money would have been very tight.  Women would have been squirrelling items away into their 'bottom drawer' from their early teens.  Gifts would have been very practical - towels, bedlinen, saucepans - and very much appreciated.

These days I think we mostly don't need such gifts.  For the most part, two people beginning a married life together these days are either already cohabiting or are coming together from two seperate independent households - they probably already have far more than they need.

When I see wedding lists choosing highly expensive kudos items, I am revolted.  Luckily, anyone sending out such a list is unlikely to be the sort of person I would be bothered to lose from my Christmas card list. 

In recent years I have been asked for and been delighted to contribute:

• towards the costs of the honeymoon
• to one of the bride and groom's favourite charities

but mostly it is made plain to me that it is my company at the celebration that the bride and groom will appreciate the most.    I generally try to contribute something in recognition of the costs of providing my place at the wedding breakfast table, at the least. 

The time that modern couples do need help with those basic items is when they get divorced!  It's true!  At that time, one household is turning into two, both need all the basics - towels, bedlinen, saucepans, kettles - and finances if not tight are usually a bit tied up until the divvying up has been agreed. 

So these days I think it's the married person who needs the bottom drawer!


All of which said, despite doing the, "Please just attend and help us celebrate, if you really want to do something these are our favourite charities," thing at my own wedding, we did get given some gifts.  Money is always useful, and such as we got we used to buy really good casserole dishes and kitchen knives, most of which are still in use (at least, my share are, I can't comment on whether he was allowed to carry on using his!  ) 

And the other thing you simply can't have too many of are really nice towels.

[sabrina]

As I married in 1971 first time round no list but I still have the S.W.R.I.Jubilee Cookery Book and use it often. I received the normal things for that time. My Gran bought me my wedding cake and my father gave us our first HI-FI with records. We bought our first washing machine with money friends gave us. A 2nd hand twin tub which cost £30 and did me for years. Asking for expensive present now a days is a cheek. Lots of people are hard up. Things like a tree which I have given in the past is a life time gift. Some now ask for guest to pay for the honeymoon. 

[Dans]

One of the ones getting married here.

We've been to a few weddings in the last few years and they have ranged from no mention, donate to charity, throw some money in an envelope to an eyebrow raising John Lewis gift list.

Looking to our own wedding we weren't sure what to do. We've been living together around 7 years now so have most of what we need (a large chunk of which was donated by family/freecycle when we set up home). We decided to have a list, though have asked a lot of friends to donate some homebrew to the wedding if they want to give something (wedding in a forest without a bar). We live quite a distance from most guests so them coming will be more than enough of a gift, but there is a list for those who want. We do need some bits for the kitchen and house as things have gotten worn through and broken over the years.

The problem that I am having now is that I'd much rather have a dinner set from Tesco than a £10 per saucer set from some fancy place, we're not flashy people by far. The OH isn't sure how people would feel about that as some people like to splash out on presents. I'd be quite happy to put things like a pair of winter boots, some new wellies, a better watering can etc useful things. Ah well many months to plan.

Dans

[Ina]

30 years next summer.  In those days wedding present lists were a notebook with one gift to a page so the giver could tear out their chosen gift, nothing like the posh department store lists of today.

I remember that - in the late 70s in London, and I gave a garden shovel to friends who got married! I was somewhat "green" already then.

Since I myself never married, here's a few presents I gave which were probably thought unusual at the time:

The very first one - a pair of hand-crocheted potholders; the recipient was my eldest brother, and I was 7 or 8 at the time. I hope they managed to use them, because back then my crocheting was extremely tight - my earliest potholders all came out stiff as boards! For future weddings I also gave potholders - didn't want my other brother to feel left out, although by then I was 30 or so...

I've not been to many weddings. One that stood out, though, was a couple who met in Australia; the woman and I were on an international agricultural exchange - she was from Denmark and married an Aussie. He worked with camels (amongst other things); they got married in Denmark, the church service was half Danish, half English, and the pastor found several biblical references involving camels! I gave them a Swiss Army knife each; knowing that they could make good use of them, and that they were small enough to go in the luggage when they returned to Australia.

[plumseverywhere]

We asked for no presents as we'd been living together and had indeed produced Milli by then (she's 11 today and we got married a few months after her birth in the March). We were given a huge rolling pin by one of OH's friends - we still use it now - to stir vats of plum wine!

I also remember being given a spice tin with all different Indian spices and some lovely photo frames 

[NormandyMary]

One of the ones getting married here.

We've been to a few weddings in the last few years and they have ranged from no mention, donate to charity, throw some money in an envelope to an eyebrow raising John Lewis gift list.

Looking to our own wedding we weren't sure what to do. We've been living together around 7 years now so have most of what we need (a large chunk of which was donated by family/freecycle when we set up home). We decided to have a list, though have asked a lot of friends to donate some homebrew to the wedding if they want to give something (wedding in a forest without a bar). We live quite a distance from most guests so them coming will be more than enough of a gift, but there is a list for those who want. We do need some bits for the kitchen and house as things have gotten worn through and broken over the years.

The problem that I am having now is that I'd much rather have a dinner set from Tesco than a £10 per saucer set from some fancy place, we're not flashy people by far. The OH isn't sure how people would feel about that as some people like to splash out on presents. I'd be quite happy to put things like a pair of winter boots, some new wellies, a better watering can etc useful things. Ah well many months to plan.

Dans

Could you ask for vouchers from a couple of stores, perhaps one a DIY place or garden centre, then some for Tesco or M&S? That way, you can wait for the sales to get the most of from your vouchers, and your guests wont have to scratch their heads wondering what to buy you. We had a good few vouchers given and we had great fun spending them.

[Small Farmer]

We got married on the day of the Brixton Riot in 1981.  Neither we nor the parents had any money so there were no cars but fortunately someone rich was getting hitched after us and the church was full of flowers.  We dispensed with stag/hen nights which were less popular anyway then.  My mother got really snotty and insisted on a church wedding - so we got the curate to officiate in one of the minor churches in the parish. 


I travelled to the church with the bride and left with my mother-in-law while BH left with her best friend.  The reception was at home with our parents doing the catering. 


Our presents were all practical stuff.  We still have the white plastic kitchen clock,  the Brabantia bin and the Royal Doulton which half a dozen people bought for us.  I think everything else has gone

[luckylady]

The problem that I am having now is that I'd much rather have a dinner set from Tesco than a £10 per saucer set from some fancy place, we're not flashy people by far. The OH isn't sure how people would feel about that as some people like to splash out on presents. I'd be quite happy to put things like a pair of winter boots, some new wellies, a better watering can etc useful things. Ah well many months to plan.

Congratulations Dans!  If I were a guest at your wedding and received a gift list like yours then you would be given your Tesco dinner set and a barrow load of respect with it.

[SallyintNorth]

The problem that I am having now is that I'd much rather have a dinner set from Tesco than a £10 per saucer set from some fancy place, we're not flashy people by far. The OH isn't sure how people would feel about that as some people like to splash out on presents. I'd be quite happy to put things like a pair of winter boots, some new wellies, a better watering can etc useful things. Ah well many months to plan.

Congratulations Dans!  If I were a guest at your wedding and received a gift list like yours then you would be given your Tesco dinner set and a barrow load of respect with it.

I second all that