[heidih]

feelin bit fed up today ..i make crafts and just seem to be taken a mug out of.!. im finding it hard to ask for payments..two of my friends bot paid up!...joined a craft swap.sent mine..not received anything baxk...bein underpaid or thought of and im totally fed up to back teeth of it all...i really need to learn to say NO!......aaarrrrggghhhh

[Greenmoor]

Would love to have some good advice for you, but I'm guilty of this too!  Sending you a  instead 

Gemma

[heidih]

Would love to have some good advice for you, but I'm guilty of this too!  Sending you a  instead 

Gemma

thanku hunny..just feelin very fed up of it.!..i scared to give prices even tho i spend ages doin lovely crafts ..people just dont realise the effort u put in xx.. 

[SallyintNorth]

Would love to have some good advice for you, but I'm guilty of this too!  Sending you a  instead 

Gemma

Same here.   

[smallholder in the city]

Saying No is about boundary setting. If the no is an absolute for you that's how it should be conveyed rather than No followed by a reason/ excuse for the no because that gives people a way out.
 
Perhaps not exactly your situation but e.g. Can you do A for me ? response No that's not possible / No I can't.
 
Generally the discussion ends there. If people push it and say for e.g. why not ? responding with 'because I'm unable to' and repeat this endlessly usually works.
 
Now contrast that with: Can you do A for me ? response No I'm really busy/ need to do XYZ.
 
They will then go onto trying to persuade you to do it anyway because what they have heard is I would do it but XYZ is stopping me. Although XYZ is important to you they are likely to regard it as unimportant or something that can be moved/reorganised.   
 
With the asking for payment be business like, even with friends and family  e.g. written bills, reminders recipts etc. I know often people find that difficult and feel anxious about what people think but again think about how you come across.
 
You have made a thing of value and they need to pay for that. Being straightforward and clear once again stops people wiggling their way out of it. If you appear apologetic or add on apologies to your request for payment they will interpret that as ' I'd like you to pay me but I won't push it because I know you might not want to pay me.'
 
If after being straightforward and business like they still don't respond I would write a letter explaining my disappointment with their behaviour and that due to this I will need payment upfront from them in future. It may not make a difference but you have asserted your boundaries.
 
Ultimately you can not control other peoples behaviour but you CAN control your response to it. 

[YorkshireLass]

It's a hard thing to learn - and I have been guilty in the past of unintentionally doing the same - they're my friend so they'll be more forgiving, yes? Um, no, they have bills to pay like everyone else!


If you want to start gently with the craft swap, can you contact the person involved and say you're worried because nothing's arrived through the post yet, has it been lost? If that doesn't prompt them, you can say "look, this isn't fair, come on now".


I'm still learning to stick up for myself!
 

[fairhaven]

I'm guilty of being a pushover at times too     I had a lady come out the other day who quite cheerfully boxed & loaded the 7 rabbits that she had bought from me into her car - She had been chatting happily for over an hour about everything except cash!  I felt really bad but had to say "Um.. They still need to be paid for..."   She didn't bat an eyelid or break her sentence but just pulled the ready cash out of her pocket,  Would she have gone without paying if I hadn't said something?  Probably      I now just take a deep breath & say what I have to say to people, After the first few times it gets easier - You've obviously put a lot of thought, time & effort into your stuff - Don't let people do this to you.

Oh bu**er it... I'll let you into a secret... And if everyone thinks i'm 'not quite right' then that's tough 
 What I had to do to get me started with being assertive was choose a strong minded female character from TV (Star Trek Voyager / Captain Janeway) and think 'what would she say or do in this situation'   Takes practice, but if it works... 

[Roxy]

It isn't right when people take advantage of your good nature - friends or not, its not on!!  In business, no matter how small, you have to learn to stand up for yourself when it matters.  And where money is involved, its very easy to think  "oh, its only x amount" but all thes little amounts add up.  You have put in a lot of work, and should get your money.  If you do this as a full time job, you would obvioulsy rely on the income.
Sometimes, people just need a gentle reminder that they owe the money - they may genuinely have forgotten.

[jaykay]

I think it's often very helpful to imagine 'what would so and so do' and then picture a strong, calm person.

Sometimes it helps to imagine what you'd say on a friend's behalf.

And if it's about upsetting people or they might not like you, well not everyone is going to like us anyway. So no point worrying about it, you can't control it. You can be as nice/gentle/doormat as you like and they still won't all like us.

So we might as well get our needs met and risk not being liked, as not get our needs met and risk not being liked.

SITC is absolutely right about how you say stuff. Simply, no reasons, no explanations. Broken record.

[Lesley Silvester]

SITC, that is an excellent reply.  I too find it difficult.  I had my own self employed tutoring business and found it hard asking for money at first - and these were people I didn't know - but whast was harder was when parents wanted to know how their child was doing so we'd talk for a few minutes, then they would turn to go and I had to say, "Er...you haven't paid me."  (the 'er' makes it sound less confrontational I think).  It was always an oversight and they would apologise.  Must admit, it got easier as time went on.
 
As far as your friends are concerned, have you tried saying, "You haven't forgotten you've not paid me yet for...?"  If it is an oversight, this should do the trick.  If that has no effect, I would give them an invoice.  Any objection and you point out that you doing it as a business.  I like Yorkshire Lass' suggestion for dealing with the craft swap.
 
Good luck.

[Carl f k]

Being a mechanic I always got friends and family wanting their cars done.. I was soft and didn't charge much but not any longer they pay or I'm to busy....my bro and sister take their cars elsewhere now..will pay at a different garage but don't want to pay me... F*** them I say... Pay or go away... No longer a sucker xxx

[rispainfarm]

I have over £700 in outstanding payments for my work that I have done, really getting to me and I have sent the odd polite email but to no avail. Want to tell them I need the money but don't want to sound as if I am begging and get their backs up.  Yes I know i have done the work but don't like to upset the editors as there are a thousand people to take my place. :0(  so i am probably been weak. 

[SallyintNorth]

Of course you won't beg, that's your money, not theirs and they are stealing it.  Ask firmly; politely but firmly.  If you know that won't work, ask for a date when it will be paid.  Or when some of it will be paid if you think they are unlikely to cough up the whole lot at once.  And don't use email after the first reminder, use the phone.  Be a nuisance, they will pay the ones that shout the loudest.  Unless it's a very small operation, the person you chase for the money is probably not the person dishing out the work.

[jaykay]

Risp, Sally's right that they will pay the ones who make it easier to pay them than to keep explaining why. You're not begging, you're demanding. You've done work that they owe you for. Get angry!

Emails are very easy to ignore, letters (unless on solicitors notepaper) pretty much too. You don't want to phone because it's confrontational - exactly, that's why it works, they don't want to keep explaining to a real person why they haven't paid them.

As for there being a thousand people to take your place - is it a place worth keeping if they expect you to work for free and I'm not sure too many people would rush to work for them if that's their reputation.

[heidih]

guys thanku all for your advice.!..im going to try hard..
if i was asking somebody to make me something i would pay immediately..its just rude..u wouldnt walk into a shop and take what u want without paying ..well some would ha ha..
from now on im no longer mrs doomat..