Author Topic: Politically incorrect but true  (Read 17329 times)

jameslindsay

  • Joined Feb 2009
  • Nr St Andrews, Fife
  • "Blossom" one of my Pygmy Goats
Politically incorrect but true
« on: April 28, 2009, 07:58:55 pm »
 
 Oh, so true. ..................
 


 
A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute refugee claimant outside the Heathrow immigration offices.

 
'My good man,' the fairy said, 'I've been told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in England with your wife and three children.'

 
 
The man told the fairy: 'Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.'

 
The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and --  PING ! -- He had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!
 
'What else?'  asked the fairy, 'two more to go'

 
The refugee claimant now got bolder

 
 
'I need a big house with a three car garage in Oxford with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my refugee relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here.

 
PING! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ, overlooking the river.

 
'One more wish,' said the fairy, waving her wand.
 
'Yes, one more wish.

 
 
I want to be like the British with British clothes instead of man jams, and a baseball cap instead of this turban.
 
And I want to have white skin like the British.'
 
 
PING! - The man was transformed, wearing worn out jeans, an Eagles T-shirt and a Billabong baseball cap.

 
He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon..
 
 
'What happened to my new teeth?' he wailed.

 
'Where is my new house?'
 
The fairy said, 'Tough luck. Now that you are English, you're entitled to f*ck all!.'

 
And she disappeared!


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

northfifeduckling

  • Joined Jan 2009
  • Fife
    • North Fife Blog
Re: Politically incorrect but true
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2009, 09:28:30 pm »
Good you're Scottish - not even the tooth fairies exists here anymore, she's called "dentist" and takes money instead of handing it out....:&>

sausagesandcash

  • Joined Jan 2009
  • UK
    • IrishHandcraft
Re: Politically incorrect but true
« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2009, 12:05:10 am »
He he he, so true

The Relic

  • Joined Mar 2009
  • County Down
Re: Politically incorrect but true
« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2009, 01:04:42 am »
One day a man was walking along a beach

He noticed a young boy who was reaching down picking up small objects and throwing them into the sea.

He got closer and called out "Good morning may I ask what you are doing?"

The young boy paused looked up and replied "Throwing starfish into the sea."

The man bewilderedly asked  "Why are you throwing starfish into the sea?"

To this the young boy replied "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in they will die."

Hearing this the man said "there is miles of beach and there is starfish along every mile? You cant possibly make a difference"

At this the young boy bent down picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea. As it met the water he said "Well it made a difference for that one."

Politically correct and true

northfifeduckling

  • Joined Jan 2009
  • Fife
    • North Fife Blog
Re: Politically incorrect but true
« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2009, 01:50:29 pm »
I'm loving this one, Relic! :&>

The Relic

  • Joined Mar 2009
  • County Down
Re: Politically incorrect but true
« Reply #5 on: May 05, 2009, 03:28:27 pm »
cheers northfifeduckling, i find it lump in the throat material. cant take the credit for it tho a chap by the name of Loren Eiseley wrote the orginal. he was full of pearls of wisdom. heres another

"Like the herd animals we are, we sniff warily at the strange one among us."

ah sure heres one more for the road

"If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water."

Rosemary

  • Joined Oct 2007
  • Barry, Angus, Scotland
    • The Accidental Smallholder
Re: Politically incorrect but true
« Reply #6 on: May 05, 2009, 08:03:16 pm »
Let's all try and throw some starfish. Loved it.

northfifeduckling

  • Joined Jan 2009
  • Fife
    • North Fife Blog
Re: Politically incorrect but true
« Reply #7 on: May 05, 2009, 08:58:24 pm »
We do what we can - growing trees, rescuing the odd animal or two and throwing a starfish, should I come across one! About water - has anymone seen these wonderful pictures by a Japanese man of water different crystals? Real magic! The name's escaped me just now...:&>

TonytheWood

  • Joined May 2009
Re: Politically incorrect but true
« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2009, 06:26:36 pm »
What a load of  :horse: ****

The Relic

  • Joined Mar 2009
  • County Down
Re: Politically incorrect but true
« Reply #9 on: May 29, 2009, 06:53:33 pm »
i take it u dont like starfish Tony :)

TonytheWood

  • Joined May 2009
Re: Politically incorrect but true
« Reply #10 on: May 29, 2009, 07:28:06 pm »
Never eaten one  :)

It's the silly  :horse:  **** xenophobia to which I was referring, But thanks for helping me clarifying the matter, Relic :)
And good  :hshoe:

T the W

Alias  :farmer: boy

The Relic

  • Joined Mar 2009
  • County Down
Re: Politically incorrect but true
« Reply #11 on: May 29, 2009, 07:49:47 pm »
sorry i thought you were starophobic

sausagesandcash

  • Joined Jan 2009
  • UK
    • IrishHandcraft
Re: Politically incorrect but true
« Reply #12 on: May 30, 2009, 01:12:58 am »
Tony, my log splitting friend, Xenophobia, is an unreasonable fear, distrust, or hatred of strangers, foreigners, or anything perceived as foreign or different ... If anything, jameslindsay's joke (and it was a joke me 'ol P.C flower) could be seen as an astute observation, but Xenophobic.....naw I don't think so.

TonytheWood

  • Joined May 2009
PC ~= f***
« Reply #13 on: May 30, 2009, 08:10:28 am »
"... naw I don't think ..." Or Can't   ???

The use of the expression "PC" indicates a lack of a capability for Analysis,   [Maslow, A.  "A hierachy of needs." ] and poor knowledge of the richness of the English Language.   Akin to the constant use of f***, etc by certain elements?

Good  :hshoe:


 :farmer: 's boy

sausagesandcash

  • Joined Jan 2009
  • UK
    • IrishHandcraft
Re: Politically incorrect but true
« Reply #14 on: May 30, 2009, 03:11:31 pm »
Ah Tony, if only that were true my poor judgemental, misguided friend. Alas, it is not so. You remind me so much of Fawlty Towers Manuel ' I speaka da good English, I learn it from a boook'. Feel free to pontificate my friend, it might not be in the spirit of this forum, but each to his own.

 

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