[sabrina]

My grandmother died a good few years ago, in her will she left each of her grandkids £100. Not a great amount but it would mean a lot to her. My father who died before his mother was one of 8 so there are quite a few of us in the family. My father left myself and my 2 brothers when we were children and as my new stepmother did not like children we did not see him much. In fact we saw very little of any of the family so not only did we lose our dad but also all our cousins and aunts and uncles. As kids we did not understand why this was. Not only were we not told that my father had died until by chance my mother found out 9 months after he had passed away but neither were we informed that gran had a few months later. One of my aunts who was in charge of her will decided not to give myself or my brothers the money but divided it among the others. Its not about the money, the Kerr family are suppose to be good Church going  people, my gran was well respected in her local church and the fact that her wishes were just not carried out is a break of trust. I have my grandmothers name and she was a big part of my early childhood as we went every sunday on the bus to visit yet this aunt just pushed us aside. Its too late to do anything about it, my brother still gets upset that we were no longer thought of as family where I just think they are the losers and are so two faced. One day they will have to face what was done.

[bloomer]

if it was a written will then yes you can i believe

will cost you more than the £100 i'm sure but if its about what's right then it might be worth it.

you're going to need proper legal advice though.

but as far as i know wills are binding legal documents and the executor has to carry them out to the letter...

[robert waddell]

it is a sad fact of life      when there is a death in the family before the smell of death can get in the atmosphere the smell of money gets there first
if there was a written will with an asignided executor  then they have broken the law with withholding the legacy from the people mentioned in it
it is the principal of the will that has not been acted on lawyer's fees would be more than the sum involved but would be  or should be borne by the executor for not acting correctly

[Sandy]

I think you should take it up, we make wills so the people we want to have our money etc gets it, wills are legal documents...may take time but its the principal...I totaly agree. My hubby was left all his aunts money and it was a great deal of money, thats fine but he gave each of his cousins some money from it, now although a lot may agree, I do not as his aunt ment it for him as the other cousins never visited etc......I would hate my last wishes not to be kept.....go for it, you are entitled to it, every penny!!

[Bionic]

Sabrina,
Death just seems to bring out the worst in some people.  A friend of mine, with 5 brothers and sisters never spoke to any of them again when there were issues after the death of the parents. Cutting them off like that turned him into a bitter old man.

For you it depends on whether you have the money and the inclination to fight the principle. Only you can make the choice, but it may be enough to know that you are the better person.

If you decide not to fight it at least you can be comforted by the closeness you had and the name you were given. 

All the best with it.

Sally

[lill]

TO pursue for the amount you stated will cost a lot more than your grandmother left you. I know it's the principle of all getting the same amount, but your aunt will get what comes to her, it may take a while to come to her but please remeber what goes round comes round, sometimes it may take longer than we hope for. She will die a lonely, bitter, twisted old cow and friends and relatives will only be there for what they can get there grubby little hands on. You ARE better than her, don't frett over this, it only goes to poison, walk with your head held high and everyone will be disgusted at what your aunt has done to you and your brothers

[SallyintNorth]

My feelings are in line with lill on this one, but anything like this is such an individual thing, you just have to do what feels right to you. 

Such a horrid thing for the aunt to do.  Not, as you say, the money itself but to have so little feeling for her mother's wishes that she would fail to distribute the money as bequeathed.  I hope she can sleep at nights.  Scratch that, maybe I hope that she can't!

I have recently been getting my own Will done, and have chosen as executors friends who I know would try to do what it was that I wanted, irrespective of their own feelings.  From what I have seen, using family members as executors nearly always causes rifts or at least ructions.  I'd rather leave the lot to a cats' home than have that as my legacy!

Sabrina, whatever you decide, know that you are a right-thinking, right-acting person, and you are better than those relatives who have acted with so little feeling for their dead mother / grandmother.  They will have to live with the knowlege of what they have done; the money they held onto for themselves, that they stole from you and your siblings, will erode their peace of mind.  You have something more precious than money and they cannot take that from you.

[sabrina]

It was never about the money, more to do with how upset my gran would have been to know she had such a twisted daughter. One day as you say she will get what is coming to her. she once said to me that i was no better than a rabbit because i was pregnant with my 3rd son. Her daughter had trouble having children and in the end only had one so I expect it was more to do with being jealous but at the time i was so upset. My brother brought it all up again yesterday hence the reason for speaking about it. I try to tell him it does not matter but the older he gets the more it troubles him. He misses my dad and wished he had the chance just to sit down and ask him why he turned his back on us. Some things just cannot be mended, I tell my grown up sons that I still love them so when i am gone they will always have that to remember.

[Fleecewife]

It seems to me that when we are going through difficult periods in our own lives we tend to mull over and dwell on what has gone in the past, all life's unfairnesses and bad experiences.  I have most definitely been there.  But if you can step back a bit you will see that really the important thing is not to get stuck in the past, but to live the life you have.  My brother is like yours and is getting quite depressed about all the perceived unfairnesses and missed opportunities from our earlier lives.  Recently I have come to realise that I had been wasting my time dwelling on such things, awful though they were, so I no longer do it.
What you do have is that your grandmother intended you to have a share of what she left, as a sign of her love for you.  That you didn't actually get it doesn't really matter, for all the reasons everyone else has said.  I think she would be horrified that what she intended as something special for you has in fact caused such bad feeling.
For your father walking out on you, I can only say how awful that must have been, incomprehensible to children.  But parents are human, with all humanity's stupidities and thoughtlessnesses - it doesn't help I know   

[princesspiggy]

wise words fleecewife. 

[Lesley Silvester]

Fleecewife you talk a lot of sense.  Sabrina, what matters is that your gran thought enough of you to want you to have something.  That shows you were loved and that is what matters.  Your aunt is just a thief.

[waterhouse]

If you're absolutely sure of your grounds you could publish the will on Facebook with a factual commentary, but if there's the remotest chance that she changed it then you have to be very very careful.

My mother changed her will quite a few times and is was quite complex at the end with her estate divided into eighths and a pile of specific bequests.  She kept talking about changing it: she was a bit manipulative that way.  When she died I insisted that we used a lawyer despite the cost because I didn't want a s**t storm in the family.  That turned out to have been a good idea.

[jaykay]

My brother is like yours and is getting quite depressed about all the perceived unfairnesses and missed opportunities from our earlier lives.  Recently I have come to realise that I had been wasting my time dwelling on such things, awful though they were, so I no longer do it.

Mmmm - I have got stuck doing this - think I need to bump myself out of it too, somehow 

[Sandy]

Bless, some good thoughts on here for us all....my mum changed her will before I split and my hub had a share of her money and I never saw that again!!!! his dad was a farmer and I did not get a share as that as it was after we split.................... Arh well, it would have only  been wasted

[Fleecewife]

My brother is like yours and is getting quite depressed about all the perceived unfairnesses and missed opportunities from our earlier lives.  Recently I have come to realise that I had been wasting my time dwelling on such things, awful though they were, so I no longer do it.

Mmmm - I have got stuck doing this - think I need to bump myself out of it too, somehow 

When my mum died when I was 15 I put a  lot of the awfulness of what had happened to her into a box in the back of my brain, along with the rough ride I had had.  I suspected it wasn't an ideal plan, but it was all I could do at that age, with no help.  Sure enough it came back to bite me in later life, when something else horrible happened, so I ended up having to deal with it all at once.  I too got a bit stuck and ended up going over everything again and again.
It was only once I realised that there was a problem, that I could take control again and stop it ruling my life.  Now I can accept that those involved were just human and probably didn't realise the harm they were doing, or the unfairnesses they were causing, and some are just not very nice.  I can also accept that parents aren't perfect - which I'm sure my own children will agree with     But when it all boils down, you are the only one who really, totally cares what happens to you - every bit of love we get from others helps, but we are being unrealistic if we expect too much from others.  We think we put our most beloveds first, but in extremis we might not.
So I think that if you realise that you are dwelling on things too much, then that is the first step in snapping out of it and getting on with enjoying your own life, accepting the bad as well as the good - those are all the things which have made us who we are.   Have fun