I know what you mean - I was delighted to have new chooks but then started getting attacked by the cockerel. I was relieved to put a pony out who'd been on and off lame and the next day I hear the Fife hunt is planning to come this way tomorrow so I start worrying about him, the last pregnant mare due in 3 months (the other aborted), the youngsters galloping in all the deep mud, ponies through fences, the stallion getting upset.. and instead of going to see friends and celebrate Hogmanay I will be here on my own for about the 7th day in a row standing out by the field gates to see the fireworks don't upset them either/further after the hunting earlier

I hardly spent anything in December and earned maybe £200 but still have a £400 credit card bill from a £200 vet bill, one tank of diesel and one tyre for a car that needs another asap..
There are days I feel blessed pottering about picking veg I have grown, making things from fruit in the garden, eating omelettes from eggs laid just feet from the kitchen door.. and days I wonder how much longer I can cope before it all gets too much.. I am currently wondering if I am being selfish hanging on to this lifestyle dream when it is beyond my physical and financial capacity to really do more than "just cope" most of the time..
Maybe 2012 is the time to think hard about letting the dream go.. but I know it will only take that one foal being born in late March, a sign of grass growing and longer days, and a few more customers for eggs and felt and preserves, a couple of workshops and maybe a few 1-1 clients, and I'll be all optimistic again so I don't know which is real and which is the illusion, both seem so real in their seasons, or on their days..

All I can say is hang in there - I think it's all swings, up and down, back and forward, and the roundabout bits are just about being too dizzy to walk away..
