[darkbrowneggs]

Got this in a round robin email a while ago but it still made me laugh when I came across it today


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the b***ard They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

[doganjo]

Brilliant!  I can just imagine some folk seeing it as racist though    Some countries have been omitted!

[waterhouse]

No problem - the French and Germans are clearly the same race as the English though I have some doubts about the Scots and Welsh....

[doganjo]

I have some doubts about the Scots and Welsh....

Nemo me impune lacessit

[faith0504]

very good 

[doganjo]

Ah but do you know what it means?

Whaw daur meddle wi mi?

or
No-one may touch me with impunity

[princesspiggy]

Brilliant!  I can just imagine some folk seeing it as racist though   

 i watched countdown yesterday and the word "oriental" came up, and they apologized as that was a controversial word. really?

[Cavendish]

I cant see why anyone would deem this racist? if they did then in my opinion they would have a very warped ideal about what being racist is. They would far more likely be a victim of over PC clap trap spouted at school and authorised by the over PC governments of the last couple of decades.

However I think this is funny. Simples

[darkbrowneggs]

uummhhh........  Now I re-read it I suppose it could be construed as "racist" - but I feel it pokes equal fun at all of the Nations involved.  Perhaps that is just construed from an "English" perspective - which is possibly what made me chuckle in the first place

Are there any of the Nations mentioned that find this offensive or demeaning - It is so difficult to judge from another's perspective, and in general, it upsets me to think I might unwittingly be offending others.

I am interested to know so I can "adjust my thinking" in the true sense of the phrase.

Yours  ----  thoughtfully

Sue

[waterhouse]

The English have always known that they were superior to all other nations.  But all other nations feel the same.  I spent a decade running businesses outside the UK and when you have 15 different nationalities in a team you either stop being nationalistic very quickly or fail.  Doesn't have to mean you like yak butter though.

I think increasingly people want to be different and to celebrate their differences.  As the world increasingly becomes global in commerce so individual peoples are becoming more regional and local identities are being asserted.  When I was a kid I had the job of flying the flag a few times a year on the local church tower.  Twice a year it was the George, and people sort-of knew what it was but it didn't matter to them.  Now it's different but only some if it is nasty.

Alf Garnett was racist.  The Metropolitan police were racist.  So we tell jokes about foreigners, northerners, brummies and londoners while we buy specialist foods from places that had almost stopped making them twenty years ago.  People are different and should be different.

God help us when we can't laugh at each other.

[Eastling]

Very good 

[doganjo]

uummhhh........  Now I re-read it I suppose it could be construed as "racist" - but I feel it pokes equal fun at all of the Nations involved.  Perhaps that is just construed from an "English" perspective - which is possibly what made me chuckle in the first place

Are there any of the Nations mentioned that find this offensive or demeaning - It is so difficult to judge from another's perspective, and in general, it upsets me to think I might unwittingly be offending others.

I am interested to know so I can "adjust my thinking" in the true sense of the phrase.

Yours  ----  thoughtfully

Sue

Ha ha - just goes to show that the written word doesn't always convey the actual thoughts in a person's mind.  What I meant was that some countries might consider it an insult that they had been left out - and I meant it tongue in cheek!  Sorry!

[waterhouse]

Verse 2 of our National Anthem has some fairly non PC bits, but the Marseillease is bloodthirsty as well as bloody rude

O Lord, our God, arise,
Scatter her enemies,
And make them fall.
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks,
On Thee our hopes we fix,
God save us all.

Mind you it fits beautifully with the Yeoman Warder piece someone else posted this link for
Yeoman Warden At Tower Of London, Part 1 Of Four