James Rebanks posted this on his Facebook page recently - forget the ewes, I score pretty badly on it too!!
I'm not lambing any ewes that don't get a high score on this quiz next year
1) have you ever gotten carried away a bit with the mothering and stolen someone else's baby? Or a few babies?
2) do you ever think about killing your friends, children or even yourself in a freak 'accident'?
3) have you ever lied on a drafting test to persuade someone you are in great physical shape whilst hiding some major health problem?
4) have you ever drowned anyone, or a child, by nudging them in to a beck, drain culvert, or bucket of water?
5) have you got two tits with actual milk in them? Or just a flappy useless tit that looks alright in summer?
6) is one of your perfectly shaped little tits liable to swell up after lambing so a lamb can't get it in its gob?
7) when you see a baby do you think ‘I could look after that?’ OR ‘sod this for a game of soldiers I'm running away’?
are you patient if one of your toddlers is more mobile than the other? Or do you think, 'death to losers, leave the slow runt'?
9) are you clumsy in pens, and liable to stand on your own babies and injure them?
10) do you stay in lambing pens, or jump out of them for no apparent reason?
11) have you ever woken up one morning and thought 'that baby I loved yesterday is now a little goblin and I hate it?'
12) have you ever made one your children suckle from behind so it ends up covered in your muck?
13) have you been tipped by a cross bred lamb instead of a great pure bred Tup? (The Lightfoot clause)
14) do you ever fantasise about head-butting heat lamps and knocking off those crappy mesh guards that don't even fit properly?
Does anyone know how to speak sheep? So I can translate this?