[Snoopy]

SB

Looking after kids without family support is easy - you just do not go out a lot.

I have never had any help from family since having Tara, and she is now 11, and has been left the grand total of three nights with a babysitter in all that time, spent three weeks this summer in the UK with Joe's Mum, and thats it.

The rest of the time we have managed to both be self employed and look after her, and build a business, farm and our own house, and get through major illness in the family and still manage.  We don't go out, don't smoke, Joe doesnt drink or go to the pub, we have friends around for meals and games of scrabble, and we have a great quality of life.  We have never been abroad as a family (mainly cause of the animals). 


I know we have only one child (Cancer made sure we couldn't have more) but we did it, and we are closer and better off for it.

It is nice to have family around to help - but there are negative sides to it too, the arguments, being told what or how to do stuff.

I suppose being an only child until I was eleven I tend to be self-sufficient as a person, and hate having to ask for help - but love to give and help others.   We got great news this week too that there is a place at the local Grammar school for Tara as a border starting next September, which is a great achievement, we are lucky we have a bright child, but the more time you spend with them, the better they are too.

Don't let it scare you, you will cope, you have the right attitude towards life. 

[marigold]

Yep SB we can agree
Also agree with Snoopy, I don't live near family but we do live in a very supportive and caring community. When OH lost his job when my twins were 3 months old and had to go away to work for 4 months ( I had 4 children under 5) I was never left alone.  The family GP used to drop in with home made quiches for us etc. But then I live in the middle of rural Scotland and Thatcher hasn't infected this community too much. Now that Tesco's has arrived  I am less optimistic.
I am sure that with your strong value base you will be great at being a parent - just need to find the right community with other similar aged kids who you can share the ups and downs with. Going to my friends daughter 16th birthday tea on Thursday, there will be at least 5 families squashed around the table for homemade pizza - it couldn't be a better way to start life.

[JD]

SB
Enjoy Christy concert tonight, saw him last time he was on tour, brill. Am away this weekend otherwise I would have gone Fri/Sat here in Glasgow.
JD

[Fluffywelshsheep]

Oh i can defo see this thread as a ticking time bomb lol, I would be on the list to see the social worker for having a kid. I have a reconised learning difficulty.
The list is very clear cut but unfortunately no human is clear cut and has plenty of 'bleeds around the edges'  it would be very difficult to patrol

Linz

[Snoopy]

Linz - looking at your website and the work you do with freeserve etc., plus the looking after of step-children already, and now your own baby - nobody I know would believe that you had any learning difficulty at all - your more able than most to do technical stuff too.   

Julie

[marigold]

Well said Linz

I think that this thread is just keeping the old grey cells working. If we were all in pub and fuelled with a few pints the barman would be looking worried about now. this however is a much safer way to tackle a set of issues that are as old as the hils (the middle eastern hills)

[Fluffywelshsheep]

hehe, am not worried about the thread at all just making to point that the key points are floured as humans are not simply cut beings

Linz   

[MiriMaran]

Wow this is a tricky one isn't it?!  For as long as I can remember I have always wanted 2 children - going with the theory that you replace yourself and partner, but don't add to the population.  I have done that with 2 gorgeous/annoying/intelligent/infuriating boys and feel totally complete.  This is what I have always wanted for myself, but is not a judgement on what others do.

There must be more to this article about this couple in Fife - we are told so little about it that its impossible to make a judgement.  With regard to people having children there definitely seems to be people out there who have children to improve their housing/benefits situation which is outrageous.  There was a documentory last year about a family that were now on their 3rd generation living off the State - nobody works or sees the point in working if the State will pay for them to do b****r all!  Shocking.

My OH is in full time employment and now that both the boys are in school I work within the school hours so that I can earn money, but still be there for them.  We have no family near by and have no expectation of any help and get on with life.  We have babysitters or do babystting rotas between friends, but don't go out all that often.  In short like most of the population we have control of our lives and don't rely on anyone but ourselves and that's how it should be for all.  The people who genuinly need support should get all that they need and the money grabbing layabouts should get off their fat ar8es and join the real world.

In an ideal world would be parents woulod be vetted, but that's an impossible task.

SB don't worry about not having family support for when you have children as when your children start play group e.t.c. you will meet people and all help eachother out with babysitting e.t.c.  Also would you like us to vet you before you take the plunge into fatherhood!!!!

[sellickbhoy]

SB don't worry about not having family support for when you have children as when your children start play group e.t.c. you will meet people and all help eachother out with babysitting e.t.c.  Also would you like us to vet you before you take the plunge into fatherhood!!!!

ah, we'll be fine, the future Mrs SB is a resourceful woman - with chickens coming soon and then the business - i don't plan on getting out much in the future anyway (apart from the fact i'm off to thailand tomorrow  )

I think it's only fair you devise a parenthood test for me - i started it!!! live by the sword, die by the sword.

[jameslindsay]

What a shame Chris is off on holiday today. Last night there was a programme on STV, 9.00pm where they put 4 "celebreties" into 4 different homes in some of the most deprived and impoverished parts of the UK. Anyway, seeing the children in these families really shows you that Chris's earlier points of who should be allowed children aint too radical after all. These poor people live in disgraceful, disgusting and unacceptable conditions. However, many of them do nothing to try and help or better themselves. The sad thing is that as these kids grow they will accept these circumstances as "the norm" and will therefore breed themselves, bringing their own children up in the same manner - the vicious circle.

It is quite horrific that people are living in such awful conditions in this day and age.

[Hardfeather]

grrrr - i'm just in rant mode today!!! You'd think i'd be more relaxed given i'm off to see Christy Moore tonight in Perth then off to Thailand!!

FFS don't talk to Christy about this before the gig.

[marigold]

Oh dear - now i'm wishing we were in the pub so I could order a pint.......
I never want to be in the position of judging whether a human being should be allowed to have a child. To me its a short step from there to deciding whether someone who started life as a potentially self sufficient human being should be allowed to live if they become too dependent on other people.  Harold Shipman and others - here we come.
I wonder what you'll see in Thailand SB? When I travelled around the east I saw many people who lived in a way that uk residents would consider substandard and yet i saw so many people smiling and looking as though they were squeezing every ounce out of the living experience.

[jameslindsay]

I have been to Thailand several times (once earlier this year) and the Thai people are a very, very happy bunch of people. They are so nice I am going back in January. The difference there is they get no help from the state, if they have nothing they go hungry. For this reason they are corrupt, they would sell their granny for money. However, this is a beautiful country and the people are warm and welcoming - known as the "Land of Smiles". Our Western people are the ones that think it is their rights for the government to keep them.

[MiriMaran]

I lived in Thailand for over a year and was always amazed at how families living in a corragated/wood house with dirt floor would turn out their children in dazzeling white school uniform.  I can't even find the time to iron my children's uniform - they always go to school crumpled - the Thais put me to shame.

[doganjo]

It scares the cr@p out of me when i think about how the hell we are gonna look after kids without that family support nearby. (I've even considered moving back up to the highlands for that 1 reason  - well, that and it's not a bad part of the world to live in!)

Hope you'll see this when you get back from Thailand, Chris and Karen - you have a ready made friends and family circle right here in Central Scotland.  Plenty of babysitters on this forum live near you including me.

Did anyone see the couple on TV?  They gave one interview I think then refused any more - wonder which newspaper has got to them?  Is that very cynical?  I have to admit the chap sounded reasonably sensible and caring.  Don't think she said much.