[ellied]

I've only had ponies taken away which involves winching - Douglasbrae who come for them are always very respectful and suggest I go somewhere while they do that, but it's not a nice sight.  They've never let me see any other stock on the wagon, it's all tarped over and secured throughout.

A couple of times have not been possible to go away and not watch - when my first old mare age 26 was pts it was a local farmer that came with a JCB to bury her (it was permitted then) and he lifted her on the bucket and dropped her in the grave he'd dug.  I can tell you that was no easier to witness

In April I had the worst ever experience of a pony dying - she was 4, bred by myself, a favourite, and from the accident at 10-11am she had a chance of recovery so I sat in the field for hours until it became obvious her time was over.  I called the vets back at 3, they came at 5 and by that time it was too late for Douglasbrae to come out until 830 next morning so a friend had to drag my beautiful girl up the field with a tractor during the evening rush hour on the main road that passes the field length   I had to cover her in the yard overnight, and then a neighbour had to come out with a forklift to load her on the lorry next morning (yep, rush hour again) cos the wagon couldn't get in my drive to winch her   Horrendous and I had to be behind the tractor to open and close gates so I didn't leave next morning when they suggested it as I had already seen the worst.  It is just heartbreaking..

I've also had to bury 4 cats and a kitten, and an aborted 7 month foal foetus - so I reckon I am pretty capable when needed and just fall apart afterwards, trying not to upset the professional knacker men

I'm so sorry you had to see the other stock - in answer to your question (with apologies for venting my own story) I would leave the barrow with him another time, these guys do understand and I find would far rather get on with it without owner emotions which they find more difficult to deal with..

[plumseverywhere]

EllieD thank you for sharing your story - I appreciate it I really do and I hope that in a way it does help people to talk about what they've seen and experienced Like Little Blue said.
I think it was seeing horses in that truck 2 days ago that triggered me - for some really stupid reason it never crossed my mind that there would be horses in there. cows and sheep yes but not an animal that is a 'pet' in such a way a child's pony is.

[robert waddell]

dogs as well

[plumseverywhere]

they collect dogs too?

[robert waddell]

they used to from the vets

[Brucklay]

We had the 'wagon' out for the first time this year and OH was at work. The only whole day I've had away this year we went down to the in-laws so return to my super jacob ram lamb on his own - I ran up to find he'd been dead for some time - it was saturday and we had to wait till monday for collection. I found it very upsetting - I wheel barrowed him to the cart and although the driver was respectful I had to help 'swing' him in and there was lots of dead sheep and cows - still see it very vividally, the smell and the overwhelming feeling of sadness.

Plums I think it's because we care and we always will - it's never going to be easy - in fact probably worse when it's one of my goats as although I do breed them, they are pets to me. I love all my sheep and my girls have names but this ram lamb was destined for your know where so in my head he wasn't going to be here forever. Also like you Plums my OH told me to stop thinking about it but it's not easy when it's something so upsetting - hope you feel a bit soon

[jaykay]

Sweeping generalisation here but most blokes deal with things by stopping thinking about them (they have to, their cortisol levels rise to a dangerous pitch and they need to lower them - same reason they walk away from rows).

But most women deal with things by talking through them - that would be horribly stressful for most blokes, just as 'not talking about it' is stressful for most women.

We each deal with it as suits us best 

[princesspiggy]

we use douglas brae too, always very nice and couteous. sometimes u see the odd foot etc poking out from under the tarp.
 

[YorkshireLass]

I'm actually glad to read other folk's experiences, not the kind of thing you discuss in polite conversation!
Usually I'm preoccupied with the practicalities (including getting them to the best collection point on that piece of land, but keeping them out of sight of the public. I once had to choose between placing a body hidden from a main village but in sight of the playground, or vice versa. I think that bothered me more than anything at the time!).

I also seem to handle it better if they're found dead as opposed to having to be there when they're put down.

[plumseverywhere]

I agree Yorkshire Lass. Our land is quite hilly and this ewe had chosen to die half way up a hill in direct eyeline of the only cottages that join onto our land! I was very concious of getting her moved at least into the barn to wait for collection because of children that live 3 doors down and the fact that the crows were doing what crows do to dead sheep and my own children could see that.
S*ds law that when the collection van was here several neighbours all came out of their front doors (quite by chance) as the ewe was being flung into the van    I felt really guilty that they saw it but what else can I do?
I've not had any livestock PTS (although hubby took a 7 wk old lamb and just left him there and I got cross because I said he should have stayed!)  but i've held my cats as they've been euthinased  and I hate it but wouldn't want to not be there either.   

[RaisinHall Tamworths]

Plums you are only human, it affects everyone who cares about animals  .
I work at a vets and I can see where you're coming from when you say about your nursing, all your patients are important to you and you care equally for each and everyone of them but you are able to keep them at a distance which you can't for your own nearest and dearest including animals in your care and when you see your own it is upsetting.  I do still get upset sometimes when some are PTS that you get to know as I'm sure you will have been with your patients but if you were emotionally attatched to them all you could never do the job
I'm usually the one who has to deal with our animals here if we have them PTS it is me who holds them, OH doesn't like to be around but I like to be with them when they go, we're all different.  When it comes to burying we work together.  We have ponies and it is never easy to deal with them, find that the hardest of all, there's no dignified way of moving them  .  One of our water buffalo died on Thursday and I found it really sad that the others went and slept next to him but when it came to taking him away I can switch off and can be there but OH can't.
We take the sheep to the kennels and I hate that job because of the smell, not nice, feel for the huntsman, they do a fab job.  I've cried infront of them and they're lovely about it 
The day a death of one of your animals doesn't affect you in some way is the day you stop having them xxx

[hughesy]

We had a pig die unexpectedly in the summer. The wife cried her eyes out but I don't really see the difference between death from natural causes etc and taking an animal to the abatoir. If the pig had not died on the farm I would have taken it to slaughter soon anyway. It's not pleasant but s**t happens. Coping with this sort of thing is part of farming. We are lucky enough to live only a couple of miles from our local knacker's yard so I chucked the carcass in the trailer and took it down there.  Dogs however are a different matter I balled me eyes out when we lost our poor old lab a couple of years ago.

[Bright Raven]

I have dealt with the National Fallen Stock Company and felt that they have been very helpful. No cash to change hands at the time which I think makes things even more sickly when you have to deal with a death. I tie the legs together with baler twine to make the job a bit easier for the men who come. I am thankful that I have not had to deal with anything messy or distressing yet. I put the carcass in a place where it can be taken easily and cover it up with a one ton builders bag. It is horrible and the only way I can cope with it is to find a place of detachment inside myself. It's the same emotional store place I go to when I have to dispatch any livestock or injured bird. Large glass of home made sloe wine is always required along with a bit of soul searching and a few tears when it has gone. I am a real coward and have not dared to look into the fallen stock container. I can imagine having Gurnica style nightmares too. Sadly if you have livestock you also will have dead stock at some time too.

[RaisinHall Tamworths]

We had a pig die unexpectedly in the summer. The wife cried her eyes out but I don't really see the difference between death from natural causes etc and taking an animal to the abatoir. If the pig had not died on the farm I would have taken it to slaughter soon anyway. It's not pleasant but s**t happens. Coping with this sort of thing is part of farming. We are lucky enough to live only a couple of miles from our local knacker's yard so I chucked the carcass in the trailer and took it down there.  Dogs however are a different matter I balled me eyes out when we lost our poor old lab a couple of years ago.

Yes it is part of farming dealing with death however the whole point of rearing animals is to raise them healthy and then have an end product.  Don't know what your plan was for your pig but if you were having the meat back then you've missed out on that, so this is the difference.  Yes end result is the same, death of the animal but what you got in the end isn't the same  For farmers making a living you need as many animals as you can to make it 

[Lesley Silvester]

It's when the animals are also pets.  If I kept a whole herd of dairy goats, I would be sorry but not upset.  I went on a trip to a goat farm and watched a goat that had died during the night having a post mortem and that was fine, but it wasn't MY GOAT.  When the time comes, I will be crying on here and on anyone who will listen.  It's important to off load and I feel sorry for the men who aren't able to.  My OH didn't even cry or say much when his mother died yet he was devoted to her.  I was the one who cried.

Plums, I think it is so good that you were open about your feelings.  It's given us a chance to share ours.  I think I need to find out in advance what to do when it happens to one of mine.  I'd hate to have to be ringing round asking for advice afterwards so I'm going to check with some local goat keepers.