The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: peartreewoodlandsmallholding on January 14, 2013, 10:33:47 pm
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Hi, Basically these are two taboos that no one likes to talk about or admit to dealing with on a daily basis, but are serious real problems that people live with everyday having suffered with them for quite a few years i just wondered how everyone else that suffers from these debilitating conditions out there deals with these awfull issues, alongside the stressfull hard going lifestyle of farming/smallholding. I think sometimes its nice to know your not alone in struggling along with everything, would be nice to hear from anyone in the same boat. all the best to all.... :)
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Well done Abe, far too many people shy away from these things.
I don't yet have a smallholding (but I am hoping), I have bipolar though so I worry how my lows will affect. I am 99% sure that I would always take care of the animal's needs but I worry. Would be very keen to hear how it affects other people's abilities to keep their smallholdings running.
Dans
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It is a dreadful condition and so difficult to treat. On the whole, I think smallholding is quite helpful. Research shows that outdoor activity and looking after animals is beneficial in treating depression and anxiety.
Mind you, getting someone who is severely depressed to go out into the open, can be a challenge. However, it's still better than being in a 2nd floor flat in a big city.
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I'm a sufferer of clinical depression. Have had it about 10 years and was made worse when my mum passed suddenly in 2011 at the age of 55.. was a dark time and thought about giving it all up.. but if i did i wouldnt have a reason to get out of bed in a morning!
I find it relaxing spending time with the animals (when i'm not at work). The hardest thing is when something goes wrong i tend to torture myself mentally, you know (shoulda, woulda, coulda).
As with all depression sufferers, i have good days and bad days, but touch wood the good is more than the bad at the moment. (the medication is working)! I dont know why there is such a taboo about depression its more common than most people realise. If you ever need someone to sound off to drop me a pm..
Littlelugs
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Little lugs, nicely put, I to suffer with depression, and am now (as of Saturday) off the medication for the first time in five yrs.
I think, despite the help of the Priory (who in my opinion are the best), that the biggest help over te years has been doing things for myself, I.e. looking after my animals, working for myself, this has given e a reason to do things and most importantly self esteem, I now believe in me. I still have moments when things go wrong but I possess a 'toolkit' that consists of solutions to manage those situations that occur in my head that are likely to set me back, doesn't matter what the triggers are.
I also have (fingers crossed) suffered from acute agoraphobia, the fear of the unknown, basically I run my life now managing out all unknowns as far as humanely possible, this just makes sense, it takes a lot of effort, but after 5 years I think I'm about there win it
Biggest things to remember are
Put yourself first, really, take time for you, enjoy it
Challenge every negative thought you have about yourself, it's difficult, but you will find your wrong about yourself
Do something different, if its bad ding wallow, go out, do something ese, you'll enjoy it more than you think
Make lists of things to do the in the evening, just 4 things, one you must do, the rest are for you, the next day do them, you will achieve, you will feel better
Talk to someone you don't know, ring Samaritans or someone, you can't tell the closest people because I'd guess they're part of your problem
Be brutally honest with yourself, identify your coping strategies, identify the ones that have gone wrong and relearn them
Oh ad see the doctor, get help, the long you leave it the longer it takes to get better, it doesn't take half an hour, remember, it's cased by a chemical imbalance, you are ill, you need to stabilise the mood swings,
The above is what I've learnt after 18 months of cognitive behavioural therapy, get some, if your not ill get some, you'll be a better person for it
Oh ad you can pm me to
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Oh and make a list of things you used to enjoy doing, mine was Lego, model kits, cycling and stuff, and then try them again, I did, I found painting tiny model soldiers was doing it for me so I did more, I still do them now, they have no use, they arn't displayed I just enjoy the process
I also taught myself to knit, I like knitting, and you get sweaters and scarfs and mittens and stuff, the craft section here is soooooo helpful, try something new, knitting is so cheap, two sticks and a bit if wool
Anyway this (below ) is marcel, he's French, and has a moustache
To be honest I think I quite like being mad, it's so much more interesting (mind I'm in a good place at the moment)
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Good to know you are not alone... I've been struggling with depression - on and off - for decades. And I've always thought that having a smallholding, or at least some animals, helps massively with that; at the moment, the only thing that gets me out of bed some days is the cat. Having a quite regular life is important for me - which is why I do so badly being unemployed. Work gets me out of the house (my strong sense of duty is overriding my other problems and does get me out), and gets me talking to people (at times I can't even do the garden because I might meet somebody out there who'd want to talk to me - hell!)
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Hello Abe
I was diagnosed with depression at 16. It became worse after the births of my middle 2 children and then some stress here in the past 2 years (not connected with smallholding but local weirdos!) has led me to go back onto citalopram and receive counselling.
I'm steadily well again currently but this might go some way to explain why the 'little' things like dog attacks on our sheep send me spiralling where others might cope better.
When we moved here I called this place my natural prozac and when I'm down I find walking in our sheep field quite therapeutic - away from people. I also have some diazapams to pop when the anxiety rises!
Agree with Alistair about having something to create or make. I make soap but also restore mini gypsy wagons and do cross stitch :)
I've found having a support network of local friendly, farming experts makes me feel more secure (sheep farmer opposite is a legend) and of course TAS - full of people i'd love to meet in real life and who feel more like friends than many people I do meet in real life!
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I suffer from depression too, have done since my teens.
Smallholding is a great way to help you feel better (mostly)..... getting out in the fresh air and doing stuff helps :thumbsup: It also helps with sleep patterns, which in turn helps you feel a bit better. I'd definately agree with the part about making things or crafting things - really helps me ;)
I'd say, just start off small and take it one day at a time - we're all here if you need support :-*
Karen
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:hug: :hug:
Thank you, not a person who experiences depression to any great extent but so touching that others share on here, my husband suffers and it has a knock on effect on me. I think my sense of humor helps me, I also deal with things/situations very quickly, eliminate people or things from my life that cause anxiety and move onto something positive.
Working for yourself eliminates office or workplace bullies so that's good, I love being outside and feeling the fresh air, seeing the seasons change and I love nature and animals however cruel its natural!
I want to say so much and already have deleted several posts.......again, I am so happy to be privileged to have a forum like this to air our views on!!
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But that's the problem - all those things that are supposed to help you - crafting, walking, fresh air - when I am really depressed, I don't even have the energy to start knitting, I definitely won't leave the house (unless it's something like work or helping a friend, that I have committed myself to), and I certainly won't want to speak to anybody! I think smallholding is great because there are the animals that need you, that force you to get up and do things. Anything can go look after itself, as far as I am concerned...
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My depression started after the birth of my 2nd son. He slept 3 hours out of 24 and life was very difficult with no help from my first husband. There were many times in the 24 years of that marriage where I felt like ending it all. When I left and now married to my Gordon life was great and I was happy in myself but life has a habit of kicking you in the gut and 5 years ago I found out I had breast cancer. I have been on the drug tamoxifen which is well know for causing depression. to help with that I was put on Cymbalta which helped a bit. I can say that there has been many a day that getting out of bed has been so hard. Tamoxifen also makes you very tired. I felt as if my life had been taken from me. My animals have kept me going. I am on my own most of the day now once OH goes to work.I speak to family on facebook which helps and people on here. I have taught myself to make the most of each day. If I am not up to a days chores I do what must be done and leave the rest for a day that I am feeling better.Not so hard on myself to make everything perfect. My OH suffers as well due to all the pressure from his job so he has made changes on the way he handles is work. We only get one chance at life and there are times when it is more important to put yourself first than worry what others will think.
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I can understand that, Ina. On the very worst days its as much as I can do to feed/hay/water the animals and look after the children. Anything recreational feels like too much effort. I find that on the days where I need to relax but am not really low or stressed, an hour of being creative helps keep me calm and happy though.
Most people, even those who've never truly suffered, do try to be supportive but then there are the ignorant few (I had one 'friend' who posted messages about 'get rid of negative people and positive ones replace them' all over her facebook as a dig at me when I was ill!) Its good to have a thread like this where you can feel supported without being judged. LIke Sandy says, its a lovely forum (most of the time!!) with lovely people
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But that's the problem - all those things that are supposed to help you - crafting, walking, fresh air - when I am really depressed, I don't even have the energy to start knitting, I definitely won't leave the house (unless it's something like work or helping a friend, that I have committed myself to), and I certainly won't want to speak to anybody!
Ina, that sounds so familiar, I didn't go out for about 9 months, and stopped talking full stop, just in case I said the wrong thing. What I realised was that I'd created my own safe place to be, however safe it was though it was perpetuating the depression, I decided I didn't want it anymore, and by taking baby steps, making myself get out of bed, making myself do things by making lists the night before, I.e. eat something, open the front door, draw a picture, gradually changed things, I realised I did have the energy, and now, years after ave the motivation too. I can now spot the onset of the depression phase, I feel lethargic, muggy, fuzzy headed and am snappy, as soon as this starts that's wen I start crafting etc, stop it before it starts.
Mind my work is creative these days so that helps
I still don't go to big cities, that's a step too far for me, but I don't need to, so why bother?
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I think its a problem that is more common than people admit, i was diagnosed after my nan died in 2000 and it was very hard to tell even my OH who really struggled to get his head around it, medication helped but making lifestyle changes was the biggest help. I still get lows now and then the coulda, shoulda, woulda moments but smallholding and my pigs have given me something to be glad about. I've learn't to watch for my own symptoms of depression which for me are crying for no reason, fatigue, not bothering with my appearance (the bag lady look!) feeling of worthlessness and so on. They creep up sometimes and its hard to say whoa, but making lists of good things about life and planning nice things for the future help. As does letting off steam and having a whinge to my TAS buddies :thumbsup: ;D Thanks guys for being there. :bouquet: There is always help its just daring/knowing how and when to ask for it.
mandy :pig:
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Sabrina, you are certainly having a hard time, it must be very difficult some days, hope you are improving by the day, a good friend of mine has Brest cancer and has never replied to my messages, posts or emails, although her family send small me messages, I do not know what to say to her, as I suppose none of us know what is good to say or bad. The treatment is a double edged sword for you too.... :hug: :hug:
I do understand that no wanting to go anywhere feeling, just staying in the cocoon, my brother suffers but makes himself go to the shops each day to chat with people, get warm and get some interest and exercise, I am so proud of him as he lives alone yet given up drink and smoking years ago, anyway, to help in my down times.... voluntary work gave something back to me more than any money would, I trained on the Nat. drug and alcohol helpline and loved that, just feeling wanted was a great buz.
A problem shared is a problem halved.
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I am another one!
Been on medication for 25 years. My doctor has been my saviour and I don`t class myself as cured but have learned to adapt and deal with my lot!
I remind myself daily of the good things in life :sunshine: and harness those thoughts and feelings to help me through the bad times.
The animals are a huge part of my life and the routine of taking care of them is good for me I think.
I also enjoy craftwork and immerse myself in projects, creating stuff -just to make me and others smile....(http://i954.photobucket.com/albums/ae26/thomsett_bucket/PA126699.jpg)
Tilly :wave:
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me too.
i think ive had it since childhood, but only got a proper diagnosis after a nasty carcrash, where i also got diagnosed with ptsd, ptsd is a wierd one, you know somethings wrong and it is totally debilitating but there is sod all you can do about it, i was first diagnosed with it in 2000 but it wasnt really understood as well as it is now and the treatment was umm not a lot. ive been on anti d's for 3 years now and my life has definitley got much better however the ptsd element is still there and probably always will be, it goes some way to explaining my somewhat intolerant and forthright views i sometimes express on here....
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Tilly that is so beautiful :wave:
I asked to see a counsellor years ago and did not like the look or feel of them one bit, because of that I managed to sort out the issues at that time but in my way, however, talking with other help groups can be great.
I also started on a cognative therapy training course, I loved that but due to circumstances, could not complete the training, that's the story of my life!! That however is not great for every one but it gets me looking at things from different perspectives...........sometimes.
Sometimes the anxiety is due to our feeling vulnerable, so confidence may have been knocked while growing up or due to some trauma, also illness, if you feel poorly or weak its certainly hard to do things that take a bit of push......
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:fc: never suffered myself .... but my mother has always struggled with mental health issues. Depression, panic attacks and anxiety and spells of very intense behaviour. Distressing for herself and made family life a roller coaster. It is very common but was never talked about where I lived before. Since moving here, I've found people more open and less self-protective. As people have told me all about their problems or their parents, it has given me more understanding of my mothers problems. Good to talk.
Tilly - :trophy: :trophy: :trophy: [size=78%] that is really beautiful. Will show that pic. to my daughter when she gets home. She would love it if I was clever enough to make one. I do knit her lots of animals and she really values anything handmade.[/size]
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Thankyou for sharing this. I have never suffered from depression, but who knows; these days just getting through the day can be hard.
I like many others have in the past just thought it was a state of mind brought on by overanxious people. How wrong Now I think differently having met people at work and home whom i would never have thought suffered they seem so, well "normal"
my ignorance is not finding out enough about this problem and in truth the problems can be multi layered. I have learnt to not judge people too soon. i have also learnt to put myself in their shoes and imagine what it must be like. i can never put myself fully in their shoes no-one can unless you've actually been there, how can you?
I can't really imagine life being so bad that not wanting to get up in the morning is the norm, i would be fibbing if i did.
But like us all i have had bad times, and to have to live that every day must be awful.
Non sufferers can say we sympathise and listen but it is difficult to fully understand how low a low day can be, but by you all sharing your experiences with us and bringing what is still a taboo subject out into the open we can get a concept of what it must be like and be more understanding of the situation.
Personally i think you are all very brave
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I have been on and off Prozak since 2004 when I was stressed out at work and was having lots of time off as I was unable to function. Since that time, any little bit of stress I have gets blown out of proportion in my mind and I get convinced that I just cant cope. Im on the tablets at the moment, I have been for a couple of months. They just seem to take the edge of my anxiety which allows me to cope with most things..like OH's illnesses for one! Once I feel strong enough, I wean myself off them, but I do know that if I feel bad again, the doctor will prescribe me some more as he knows that I do not abuse them. OH doesnt like me being on them, I think that he thinks there's nothing wrong with me and that I dont need them but there are certain things I cant talk to him about as he wouldnt understand..Ive tried...so now I dont even tell him when I'm taking them.
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Oh my goodness - so many of us! I'm so pleased that this thread was started, I hope everyone else who has talked about their health here feels the same :thumbsup:
With regard to taking medication Mary, I always think that if I was anaemic I'd take Iron tablets - because its Seretonin I'm deficient in I take Citalopram which helps me with that deficiency :)
My background meant that it was very much taboo and its only been the last 2 years that my Dad has felt able to talk to me about my illness - that was because he too suffered a bout and realized that we can't just pull ourselves together, we need help and support and sometimes medication.
That old saying "if it was a broken leg, at least everyone would be able to see it and be supportive....." is so very true.
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I have been a clinical depressive for nearly 20 years, I can not take medication as I have other health issues. For me the animals help in needing me and loving me even when I am a wreck!
I find the following helps;
Someone to love
Something to do
Something to look forward to
Bit trite but I think it helps. Nice to know we are not alone :hug:
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Someone to love
Something to do
Something to look forward to
Thats another thing to put on my fridge......Chris,. thats.Wonderful :thumbsup:
A lot of my close family suffer's or suffered :fc: I could hazzard a guess why but no, mainly due to being judged not being able to be the person that they were expected to be I suppose and posibly due to not actualy knowing or letting themself be who they naturaly are, I suspect that is rife these days with all the modern pressures and lack of work or money, soo many turn to self medication or self harm.....its horrid to see loved ones killing themself slowly!!! Thankfuly, apart from my mum, they are all ok, or so I think at the moment. and truely hope thats how they all stay :fc: .....they all have had very very bad times, I have seen a few blue flashing lights :( I appear to keep it together but often am just on the edge, although a few tears is not too bad, it shows we are alive!! Its the lack of emotion and enthusiasum that is worse :(
Some of the stories told by homeless people gave me an insight, people who had it all but lost it equaly easily, often through addictions and B :rant: Banks over lending :rant: breakup of families or break downs....we had chaps stay here who both had been out of work a while and lost jobs due to recession, they thought they would be safe for life and had bought houses on the security, the job they came here to do was short term BUT, its turned out fantastic for both of them so one sucess story.
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I feel for the young who want to work but cannot get a job. it must be so hard not to see a future. Our country is such a mess. I think I am lucky, we live in a nice place with animals we love and space to do our own thing. Now if I was stuck in a flat !! does not bear thinking about it. Well done everyone for being so brave and talking about your depression. Good to know there are others just like us .
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Another one here :wave: :wave:
I survive depression (I refuse to say 'suffer' ;D ) and have OCD, I'm not too bad at the moment and can tell as I don't have to check if I shut the chickens in ::)
Hubby has bi-polar so between us we make quite a pair!
Learn to recognise you symptoms as well as your triggers and when you are feeling well confide in a close friend what these are so when you are unable to drag yourself out of the hole someone can reach down and help you ;)
My animals are what keep me striving to stay healthy, If I can't do it for me, I WILL do it for them and a good nights sleep caused by being sodding knackered is a very healing thing :)
I WAS on prozac but have since found 5htp which is an amino acid also known as natures prozac. It has been the most helpful thing I have discovered yet :thumbsup:
Also, especially for us ladies watch your protein intake...
When I was first ill I researched and found that many cases of depression in women were apparently exacerbated by a protein deficiency! Certainly since eating more low carb/ adequate protein I have felt much much better ;D
I am always open for a natter or a rant or a cry if anyone ever wants to talk, PM and I'llsend you my number or PM me yours and I'll ring ASAP :hug: :hug: [size=78%] [/size]
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Me too although I haven't had to take meds for it for years. I was in an absuive marriage for years and often thought that killing myself would be a way out. I just couldn't do it to my children. Eventually I escaped and am now happily married but have, in the last year, become disabled due to Rheumatoid arthritis and have been very depressed, spending days just crying. I'm working now to get over that stage by doing creative things - just about to start weaving again after years of not doing it.
Having had to give up so many of the things I enjoyed - caravanning, cycling, swimming, walking - has been hard and people keep saying I should give up my goats as they're too much for me. I have a very supportive husband now and some very good friends who have helped me so much with the goats and I'm determined to keep them as doing the milking (one of the few jobs I can still do) is so soothing. I love to go and talk to them as well.
I'm around as well if anyone wants to pm me or to talk.
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My name is Ina, and I am a vampire...
Ooops - sorry, wrong meeting! ;D
(For those who "get" the reference - Terry Pratchett helps me survive the worst times. Being able to submerse myself into a different world - one in which things aren't always great, but generally work out ok - is immensely helpful. I suppose if I were younger I might go for computer games.)
My animals are what keep me striving to stay healthy, If I can't do it for me, I WILL do it for them and a good nights sleep caused by being sodding knackered is a very healing thing :)
I WAS on prozac but have since found 5htp which is an amino acid also known as natures prozac. It has been the most helpful thing I have discovered yet :thumbsup:
I have the feeling that this might be a reason why so many depressed people have smallholdings - not the other way round - because we recognise the beneficial influence of being needed by creatures that never judge, always accept you, and are generally grateful for any attention we give them.
I was on ADs for years, but the side effects were worse than what they were supposed to cure. (One of them, can't remember what it was called, was responsible for a suicide attempt. I read afterwards that this was quite a common side effect...) I now also take 5HTPs most of the time (when affordable - unfortunately you don't get them on NHS - they were half price at Holland & Barrett just now!); they seem to have at least a mildly beneficial effect, and no side effects, nasty or otherwise.
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Millennium hand and shrimp!!
(I agree one hundred %) and own everything he has ever written :thumbsup:
I get my 5htp from H&B too, I stock up when they are on offer and the manager will let me know when the sales/offers are coming up so I can budget for them :thumbsup:
I have seen cheaper on the interwebz but I know the H&B ones are a consistent quality and will work :sunshine:
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I am more and more coming to the conclusion that the best thing for depressive people would be to get a smallholding on prescription...
Hey, doesn't that call for a petition? :D
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I am more and more coming to the conclusion that the best thing for depressive people would be to get a smallholding on prescription...
Hey, doesn't that call for a petition? :D
DAVE!!!!!! :tree: :tree: :innocent:
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I am more and more coming to the conclusion that the best thing for depressive people would be to get a smallholding on prescription...
:D
I Denmark they have fresh air (courses in the countryside) on presciption - in Sweden farms are enrolled in green care focussing on improved mental health through outdoor activities.
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Sweden is so forward thinking in everything, I only have my garden, dogs and hens but hate to be inside all day, going out even when I feel rough is uplifting!!
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I am more and more coming to the conclusion that the best thing for depressive people would be to get a smallholding on prescription...
Hey, doesn't that call for a petition? :D
well, i think ive commented before about the woeful treatment available for people suffering with mh, and the atos petitions and campaigns probably affect those with mh issues more than those with physical issues due to the nature of the test. the estimated stats say that about a third of those who dont appeal atos' decisions are mh sufferers who simply dont have enough strength to fight the process. it is easy to say oh well petitions dont make a difference and this may be true, but as ive said before, we have to at least try.
i think its amazing that all these people have 'come out' and its particularly interesting to note the proportion of volunteer moderators. well done, group hugs!! ;D
DAVE!!!!!! :tree: :tree: :innocent:
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Now I'm a bit scared.
I don't have depression as far as I know. However, having read all your responses I can see many similarities to how I often feel.
I did suffer from exhaustion a few years back, working on a really busy & stressful project. I finally went to the doctors on the advice of HR. He said I wasn't depressed just very sad (I can't even do that properly!)
Anyway, I've been ok since, gave up office work, had a couple of outdoor jobs working in riding stables/livery yards. We moved to up to this smallholding when OH got offered a relocation with work. Things have been ok for the first couple of years, although I know i'm turning into a hermit, not going out much & have put on lots of weight.
This past year has been horrible. The weather has been rough. I feel so lonely, but find that all my confidence & self worth has gone, which makes getting out & meeting new people hard. Even meeting up with my old best mates twice a year sends me into a tail spin now & requires massive amounts of planning! I seem to set myself strange targets for every small chore & then panic if it doesn't all go to plan or isn't perfect, everything needs to be done in the most efficient way & at breakneck speed - why I only go & sit on my arse when I'm finished! I can see the effect it has on one of my horses, poor little stress head, but I can't seem to stop. When I was ill recently I had to take things easy & only do the bear minimum & I could visibly see that horse take a big sigh of relief & relax.
I get to the stage where I'm sobbing uncontrollably, or I'm out of breath with my heart rate right up, hyperventilating whilst feeding the animals, but I don't know why or how I got there.
I have had such a great life. I'm in a good place with lovely people. Some people would give their right arm to have what I have & yet still I'm not happy. I feel so ungrateful. I also feel so unhappy & tired all the time.
It's so frustrating to be able to see i'm losing it & yet not be able to change.
I don't know where I go from here, I guess it's like drinking, the first step is acknowledging you have a problem. :-\
F'ing hell. I just read that back & there I go sobbing again. Enough of this shite I haven't even started the animals yet. I think today may be a struggle.
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Hi Nickie
So sorry to hear that you've been struggling. Please don't feel ungrateful! You can't help how you feel. how long ago did you see the GP? did you feel confident in what he/she said? sometimes it takes more than one visit - they want to make sure its ongoing before handing out treatment as many have been condemned for being too quick to 'dish the pills' as they say.
Keep a diary. That way you have written down what you've felt and when but also if certain thigns trigger your mood. Especially useful for women who are not yet at menopausal age etc as hormones can cause havoc with moods.
Hyperventilating and stressful feelings could suggest anxiety too. I don't think you should give up on gp's first appt - go back. It doesn't sound right and why suffer when you could be getting help and feeling able to enjoy life :hug:
Pm me if you need a chat ever x
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nickie, first off, its not shite, if thats how you feel, its how you feel, and your allowed to feel like that! ive got to second what plums has said, i think you should go back to your doc and explain exactly how you feel. good luck, theres life on the other side.x
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Its taken me 24 hours to pluck up the courage to write on this thread but here goes. I started with depression at the age of 12 when I just couldn't stop crying and didn't know why. My mother dismissed it as hormones understandably but these 'crying bouts' continued. No-one took any notice and I became invisible and lost all confidence. It wasn't until my early twenties that I recognised in myself that it mainly happened shortly after a big change in my life such as change of school, work, death in family, house move but even positive changes triggered it off, i.e. getting married etc. and it was taking longer and longer each time to pull myself out of it. It wasn't until a big move to the south that I plummeted out of control and was prescribed medication. Prior to this I had been able to cope - just, though with hindsight I should have seen someone sooner. On the outside I can function on a day to day basis but I see the signs creeping in where I am keen to become hermitlike. I have learnt to push myself out of my comfort zone in more recent years but this is mainly to try my hardest to set an example to my daughter as encouragement for her to get the most out of life. She displays the same hermitlike tendencies and I can't have that because of me although my other daughter is a go-getter of life so I don't know if I'm to blame really.
I'm not depressed at the moment and not on meds but I know that it will pull the rug from under me again at some point in the future and I now know how to recognise it. For me the triggers are life altering events but for others it can be the monotony of life so smallholding, for me, is my saviour especially as I am now settled back in the north.
The mind is a very complex canvas and each one is its own masterpiece.
Nickie - get back to your GP. Ask them to check your thyroid function. It can cause depression, breathlessness, anxiety issues as well as weight gain and other symptoms you may just dismiss as nothing (been there!) If its not this then at least you have flagged up depression with them and you can pursue it.
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Dave and Plums are right. Took me years to accept that I had a problem... Back then I was lucky and had a few friends, especially one older one, who recognised the symptoms, made an appointment for me, and bodily dragged me along. If it hadn't been for that, I don't think I'd be here now.
And I think there are still even GPs out there who are of the school "just pull yourself together - everybody has a bad time occasionally". One of those nice people prescribed an AD for me with the words "Well, this is a nice little pill...". Didn't even want a follow up appointment. Hence my suicide attempt a few months later... Fortunately, the next GP I went to was very different, otherwise I would have lost my confidence in them altogether!
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She displays the same hermitlike tendencies and I can't have that because of me although my other daughter is a go-getter of life so I don't know if I'm to blame really.
No, you are not to blame! Your daughter is lucky that she has a mother who knows the score, and actively helps her rather than writing it all off as "hormones" as used to be done when we were younger...
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I think its also natural to not feel full of life and happy ALL the time, particularly women who's hormones are UP and DOWN!!
My daughter persued her Doc time and time again, only to find she had Thyroid problems and now is feeling much much better on medication, that's something to check out too.
Another daughter has health issues that have caused major problems, not sure if they are being sorted but diet is a factor in her mental health as well as pushing herself too hard and having incredibly high standards and goals.
Another has an ongoing eating disorder and mood swings so, food certainly plays an extreamly important part in our mental state.
I feel strangely depressed at the moment, not sure why at all, its unusual for me but i think its the tale end of a bug.
One thing is to clear up the medical side, you could have something wrong Nickie......
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And I cross posted, its great that we all are feeling more comfortable to share. :bouquet:
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I think its also natural to not feel full of life and happy ALL the time, particularly women who's hormones are UP and DOWN!!
I think Sandy makes an excellent point here. I think we're all (but women in particular) are under pressure to "have everything" - house, career, kids, relationships and we put an awful lot of pressure on ourselves by tking on more and more until we're not really enjoying what we do / are. And we're under pressure to always be :excited: and :roflanim: - and sometimes we feel :gloomy: and :rant: and :tired: but feel guilty about it.
I'm at the stage of having raging hormones ore maybe receding hormones; I've never really suffered with PMT but I'm certainly having a menopause. I read these posts and thought "maybe I am depressed" but I don't think I am - it's just the normal cycles that I'm going through.
My thoughts are with you if you are depressed; my sister has suffered from depression / anxiety all her adult life and it breaks my heart that she's missed so much because of it. My Mum was of the "if you feel bad, go and scrub your doorstep" brigade but she suffered from depression towards the end of her life.
On days when I don't feel great and feel a bit overwhelmed by "everything", I go and do something outside - doesn't matter what. So yes, I think smallholding is good for you - especially when the sun is shining like today, so I'm off outside.
See you all later :hug:
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i feel for my ex, who really suffers from bipolar, 5 suicide attempts, gone missing for days on end and shes spent 18months in hospital over the last 4 years, but her family of which theyre are loads just cant get their heads round it, think that making her a cup of tea will fix things when what she really needs is round the clock care. its an out dated old fashioned prejudice that is responsible for soooo many people thinking they cant talk about these problems. hopefully it is starting to change, after all if one of us had broken an ankle we would be right on here talking about it, with the offers of support etc.
i hope one day these prejudices will be removed, people will be able to talk openly AND recieve the proper health care they need and deserve.
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She displays the same hermitlike tendencies and I can't have that because of me although my other daughter is a go-getter of life so I don't know if I'm to blame really.
No, you are not to blame! Your daughter is lucky that she has a mother who knows the score, and actively helps her rather than writing it all off as "hormones" as used to be done when we were younger...
Thanks for the affirmation Ina, I'm a dreadful self-doubter and also fear the 'damage' I may have done to my daughters as they were growing up due to my bouts of depression/insecurities prior to thyroid diagnosis and treatment. :)
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its an out dated old fashioned prejudice that is responsible for soooo many people thinking they cant talk about these problems. hopefully it is starting to change, after all if one of us had broken an ankle we would be right on here talking about it, with the offers of support etc.
i hope one day these prejudices will be removed, people will be able to talk openly AND recieve the proper health care they need and deserve
Thats hit the nail on the head, trouble is, work and job oppertunities are fewer and more selective, if you admit to having a mental health problem, employers are going to make up excuses. One of my daughters was being closely monitored at her place of work due to a few events that were seen as being her fault but in actual fact they were not, that certainly made her more stressed and the lesson learned was "keep quiet""
Lets just hope one day its more understood...we are getting there slowly
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Don't shoot me - but I think it's hard for employers to deal with mental health issues. If someone breaks a leg, it gets better (generally) and it's like it's never been (generally). But with mental health issues, there's always the feeling that things will either never get better or will only get better for a wee while.
Now, maybe that's the nature of the illness or maybe a reflection on the help, or lack of it, available to people but I know when I was managing a lot of staff, my heart sank if someone produced a medical certificate with stress / anxiety / depression on it because a) the workplace was often blamed and b) it was not going to be easy (like a broken leg is) to resolve, if it was resolved at all.
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You are only saying what other bosses feel, its hard indeed.
Durring times working in Social Services, stress was an extremely common reason people were off sick, it is hard, in the work place TIME = MONEY, I know how difficult it can be. Money is tight in most cases and know one wants to be paying out un necessarily, as an agency worker I worked rather than take time off, saving my hours for emergency time off.
I was never off with stress, however I did walk out on one job due to it, nearly all the other staff did as well, but then so many other illnesses are a result of stress.A good boss should be able to help in some way, find jobs within the job that are not so stressful, some people get all the difficult jobs so maybe a change around.
I too was a manager for a short while , no one was off sick as they were having a ball!! :roflanim:
To be fair, they were a nice bunch of people and did do what they were supposed to do but maybe that was because the manager had just been sacked and the others were waiting to take his place, I was there to keep order until a decision was made, I only left due to bookings in the B&B.
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Won't shoot you - but that's typical, that reaction. And these days employers demand you fill in a long medical questionnaire even before you get to the interview - and then tell me they don't use that information against you when they make their decision... What chance do we have to ever get a job, when exactly the not having a job is the one major disabling factor in our mental health? I've got an interview on Monday. I already know that I'll most probably cancel it, because I just haven't got the strength to go through it all, sitting there, knowing they know everything about me and won't like it - so I've no chance in hell, it'll cost me a lot of money I can't afford, and I certainly can't take yet another rejection...
Right, I'll stop now and go back to bed.
Oh, and btw, I've never been off sick due to depression. If I really felt I needed a few days off, I took them as my annual leave.
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[quote author=Rosemary link=topic=30437.msg306155#msg306155 date=13583 "if you feel bad, go and scrub your doorstep"
Serious topic, I know, .... but this just made me :roflanim:
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Ina, they are my thoughts too, although, not too sure if I have said this one before BUT, one of my ex bosses was fantastic, still have him as my FB friend, he always stopped and made a cup of tea when stress was building, he used to be a psychiatric nurse.
Anyway, we had some jobs going, my boss was on leave at the time of interviews but the new candidates were chosen, then they all dropped off details, photos, passports etc to go into the records and also to get starting dates once checks had been done, my boss had a shock as some one who was a full time patient actually was given the job, he was not even fit enough to be out in his own accommodation, he was still going to be employed but he himself chose not to take the job offer.
Also, they do not need to know your medical problems, but I know they can put things together, but, all they want is some one suitable for the job, they should ask questions and if you answer them correctly then you have the same chances of any one else.
I worry about my husband as well, he more often than not, says the wrong things!!!
I also know we have spent money on interviews that we cannot afford at all....I truly hope it goes well for you, :bouquet: and its the same when they see physical stuff, although they should not discriminate, they do!!! I often got given stuff to do that was very difficult for me when other jobs were easier and more suited.....no one made it better but plenty made it worse.
Mental illness Can be hidden but physical stuff cannot!!
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My last job before we re located was gettting people who were long term unemployed back into work,,,now that must be even harder...BUT..I had many clients who had mental illness and they did get jobs, one got a job with a charity doing thier accounts, he had recieved some training at night school and was able to cope with the job, he used to hear voices all the time and was paraniod. Another man, who had not worked for years and years and had some sort of mental health issue and a dependancy of chemicals, he got a job driving the trollies around the hospital, soo many more got jobs that had problems, so there is hope!!!
Try to be positive, my husbands had loads of interviews and nearly got lots of jobs but nearly is as good as not getting them......he gets down but is with loads of agencies now, so keeps up work experience, can you join some agencies Ina?
Oh, and btw, I've never been off sick due to depression. If I really felt I needed a few days off, I took them as my annual leave.
Bless you, thats just what I did but once walked out as I could not stand the place any longer...that backfired on me big time as I did get a job straight away but then the place that I left sent a very negative ref for me, they even got facts wrong but trouble with that, my big boss then was head of dep in the area......so no chance of me fighting it, although my best mate had a major breakdown due to the same things at the same place, she took it to a tribunel and won.....she used to be a police women used to stress but was off for a long time ill, now she is in a brill job, doing fab and that other boss was sacked.....Please do not take it personaly, just how things are !!XXXXX
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..... just a few thoughts from me
If anyone can not live a normal daily life and find they can not function due to symptoms we have talked about on here, then they need to get some medical help ,you owe it to yourself :hug:
From my understanding a chemical inbalance in the brain is the culprit for depression and this can be rectified :sunshine: .
It may be" in your nature" to be a bit emotional, but not to the extent of bursting into tears at the slightist thing ,or staying in bed all day becauce you just can`t face life.
Come on now, how ever you do it, get some support and help from somewhere, and turn things around.
Tilly :wave:
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Just seen this advert on TV, funny how it appears as we are all talking about it now
http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/talk-about-mental-health (http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/talk-about-mental-health)
I was talking about mental illness to one of my daughters and she said, "of course you understand, I for one have a mental illness" she holds down a good job and has a lot of support, I was also giving my previouse jobs a thinking about and the jobs were so much better when the boss and staff team were both understanding and supportive, I was very lucky in most cases, so some work places do understand.
One of the best rescourses we all have is each other, and also one of the worse!!
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I think the suggestion about being tested for thyroid imbalance is a good one. I have had an under-active thyroid now for 35 years and I've been thinking back to how I felt before it was diagnosed. Ok, circumstances were slightly different as my dad had just died so I was grieving but I certainly felt I had no energy or enthusiasm for anything, and felt constantly tired and weepy. I put the tiredness down to just having had a baby and the rest to having lost my dad but my health visitor sent me to the GP and I was referred to hospital and tested. I've been on meds for it ever since and it does make a difference.
Nickie, you say all this started when you were about 12. Thyroid malfunction is very often linked to periods when females (and it is more females than males that have it) go through hormonal imbalance such as puberty. In my case it was pregnancy that brought it on. My mother's thyroid became under-active when she was menopausal. Do go and see your GP and ask for a blood test - that's all that's needed and keep talking on here, either on the thread or PM me or someone else that you feel you can talk to. :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Nickie, you say all this started when you were about 12.
MGoM, it was me who started with depression at 12! ;)
My underactive thyroid was diagnosed at 40 but it does make me wonder if it fluctuated before then. Whenever I have times of stress my thyroid reacts and I need more levothyroxine and vice versa when life is hunky dorey. It just means I have to have the levels tested every three months to know how much to take.
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I often think Luckylady is my post, to me the names look similar,
anyway, my daughter only very recently got her diagnosis after loads and loads of constant trips to the Dr's with mood swings, sleepiness, irritability, illness etc....my older daughter has lots of food intolerance's, she told me she very nearly ended up in hospital with her mental ill health, the youngest is not too bad but has been in a very bad state previously, again food related.
Funny how its often the Dr's last resort when I have met so many people with Thyroid problems, my mum had an over active one or was it underactive? ???
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10 years on Prozac..wouldn't admit I hated life with my ex wife,didn't want to leave my kids but got the balls to do it, was a case of do or die, hit the bottle big time but did the right thing in the end.. Met Heidi and gone from strength to strength.. My son understands cus his moms a bitch to him but daughter been brainwashed by her mom...she will find out in time..got our animals and Heidi is so understanding and caring.. My sister told me along time ago" if it hurts don't do it " which I will always do.... Admit your problems, don't hide them like I did...take the pills they do work .. And do what u want to do not what others tell u.. My friend say what u want a fu....n goat for??? I take no notice of what they say now..I hav the confidence to tell them to f.. Off..my life I do it my way.. You no like u no my friend... Face those fears your only hear once enjoy it the way you want to .... Ant tell all those others to"Kiss my ass" xxx
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From my understanding a chemical inbalance in the brain is the culprit for depression and this can be rectified :sunshine:
God, I wish that we're true! My husband was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in 2008 whilst we was expecting our second child. He was prescribed citalopram then and is still on them now. I spend my life trying to guess what mood he'll be in, how he will take a comment, can I clean the house to his standards..... Lalalalala..... The tablets do have an effect because every now and then he decides he's fine and just stops taking them and the children and I have to take shelter until he starts them again.
The bottom line is, I've lost my best friend. Frankly, I miss him.
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I understand that one :( SmallTimeSmallholder.
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Sounds more like bipolar than straight up depression smalltime. I was misdiagnosed as having 'just' depression for years until my OH came with me. I always thought my ups werejust my version of being happy. When drs asked if I ever suffered from mania I saud no. Took about a year for me to believe the diagnosis, and watching stephen frys documentary. It mught be worth looking into. Whatever your OH suffers with :hug: it is awful to struggle with mental health, but I think loving a suffer must be just as difficult.
Dans -posting from phone,apologies for typos
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STS, i know that one, its the same for me, lost my best friend and my daughter lost her mum.
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I suspect Bi polar....its the odd stuff and the complete change of personality rather than just down, and by saying "just" I hope not to offend as being down all the time is equally horrid.
I can relate to down times, one down time was when I first divorced, had a new life, left my daughters with their dad mainly due to finances as I was off to university, that was my big down time, my Brain was like fluff, I could not read, had no interest in anything and not able to think or want to think.....thankfully that was sorted, I did at that time write a list of things I could change and things I couldn't and worked on them starting with the easiest first, that was University and lack of money, I was extremal lucky to get 2 jobs that I hoped would work together, one was high powered and the other was a care job, the care job got me through my dark mood and the high powered one gave me status, I even had to mix with royalty but the jobs were knocked on the head after a year as I took up Fostering, I loved that, well for 6 years I loved it, in that time I also trained in drug counselling and carried on my youth work, those bad times became very good, plenty of me time to be with my daughters, plenty of money (who says money does not buy happiness?) and a wonderful new relationship. Anyway, all it boils down to is circumstances, things could have gone Soo wrong but for me they went very well.
The worry about things such as Bi Polar, they are hard to diagnose unless the person does something very public, that Stephen Fry programme was wonderful and it certainly got a few acknowledgements in this house.
Sometimes, to get a diagnosis is a very scary thing, but its more scary for those who care when there is no diagnosis, predicting mood swings becomes something you become preoccupied with.
Anyway, I am becomming far too open for a small holding forum :innocent: I have tried other forums but never felt comfortable, on here I do, certainly glad I came back :wave:
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I have just recently been talking to a friend about the depression she suffered a few years back.
Nickie, she could have written that post of yours - every single symptom, in almost exactly the same words.
My friend was prescribed tablets, which she said made her put on weight that she's never lost, and cognitive therapy, which she found tremendously helpful. She now has an armoury - a list of things to watch out for as signals that she may be slipping back into depression, and tools to use to manage the depression and its effects.
Oh - she's a smallholder.
The conversation arose because I was giving her an update on tests my doc has been running on me. She said, "Sally, that sounds like depression." Certainly the doc couldn't find a single thing wrong with me physically. So now I am wrestling with the idea that despite being, in many respects, happier than I have ever been, there's some 'stuff' I need to deal with... Tell you what, though, getting that 'stuff' out and dealing with it sounds very much less scarey now I know I have a friend has had problems and can talk about it!
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sally this might sound daft, but i am happier now than i ever have been in my entire life, ive never been so content, have less stress than ever before, have more money than ever before. but, ive still got depression, thats what makes it sooo hard, you know everythings ok and your moving on but you cant shake that feeling like a black hole within.
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and its so unpredictable too, isn't it? just when you feel settled and well and you know things couldnt' be better, the dark cloud can come down.
Worst part for me has always been snapping at the children. I hate them seeing me when I'm down but sometimes it feels like I have the worst black cloud on me, everything is an effort and then they do the trivial "Muuuuuuuuuuuuuum, she's got my socks on..." or something and I snap at them like mother dogs do at their pups sometimes!
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Sally, depression doesn't necessarily mean you aren't happy. My OH had a miserable first marriage, made bearable only by having his daughter. When she left home, so did he. It was after we were married that he started having symtopms. When the GP said (having done various tests) that she thought it was depression, we couldn't understand it as his life was happier than it'd ever been but she explained that you can have depression because of things that are happening in your life affecting you or because you have a chemical imbalance that is nothing to do with what is going on. He had a couple of years on anti-depressants and has been fine ever since.
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I think its sometimes a case of not feeling any emotions, the tiny spell I had due to wrong medication, nothing made me happy, not even a treat or a day out, I felt sort of numb, could not cry or laugh....Then sometimes you want to cry at everything and when things around you are so good it makes it very hard to understand.
When we have a reason to be down its easier to understand than when we do not.
In my case animals lift my spirt a lot, being in with nature and taking time to look at things...not stuff in shops but people and whats around.
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When we have a reason to be down its easier to understand than when we do not.
Exactly
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:bouquet:
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I for one will be going to watch this
http://youtu.be/Lj5_FhLaaQQ (http://youtu.be/Lj5_FhLaaQQ)
Certainly reminds me of some one I know :thinking:
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I feel so low today. OH is not well, Im taking him to the doctors in a while with his chest again. They didnt cure his infection in hospital I dont think and he is still wheezy and coughing up loads. I woke up feeling like pooh, I actually did have a problem in that area first thing, its been on and off for a few days. Ive been sneezing and coughing and shivering. I slept for a couple of hours midday but that didnt really help. I just cant get warm.
Ive just been out to get the wood in for the night, then Ill have to put the boys to bed before I take hubby to the docs. I just pray that he doesnt want him to go back to hospital, I just wont cope. Ive had enough!
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Mary, you are really have a hard time of it. As if it isn't bad enough that OH is still unwell and then you aren't feeling good yourself.
You will plod on because thats what you have to do but try not to over exert yourself as you need time to recover too.
Not too long now until spring when everything seems to be a little brighter.
Sally
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My best wishes go out to all who are brave enough to share their difficulties and I hope that things improve for you.
When I first started giving CBT for insomnia many people had associated depression. The following is is purely anecdotal and related to the title of this post.
- At one time our team noticed that there were an high number of commercial pig farmers on our list. This was probably just by chance and related to our geography. Each seemed to complain of working in isolation and noise.
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Oh no Mary!!! :bouquet: you need some help around the place and some rest and warmth for yourself.....it may be better for your husband to return to hospital as its hard to nurse some one when you yourself need nursing..I am not sure of what survices are about in your area Mary but i do know they are few and far between....just hope you both get some rest and recovery.
MAK working in isolation is a double edged sword, know one to moan at you or fall out with but also no one to help or support you, especialy in stressful times, a problem shared and all that!!!!
I know the stats for farmers re; suicide used to be very high, its often the case of having all the profits (if any) eaten up buy some disaster....and work thats both hard phyiscaly and mentaly.
I think the other old saying of everything in moderation is spot on....too much isolation is not good!!!
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Just got back from the doctors. OH has been given some more antibiotics, steroids and stuff to go into an aerosol. He's also given us a chit for a hospital car so that when he goes to the big hospital in Caen, about 70 miles away, we will be picked up at our front door, taken there, the driver will wait for us and bring us back home..all for free!! He is not allowed to go this Monday as he is too poorly so Ill have to phone them tomorrow to change his appointment. Im feeling a tad more confident now, sitting here in the warm with a coffee. Ill have an early night with our new leccie blanket on the bed, and Ill be as right as ninepence tomorrow..I WILL HONEST!!!!
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:fc: :fc: :bouquet: :hug: Nothing better than a cosy warm bed and a cuppa!!
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Glad things are looking up NM. That's one of the reasons I wouldn't relocate abroad - fine when all goes well, but no so great when things go wrong. I don't thing my grasp of any foreign language would be any use. The NHS might not be perfect but at least I understand it. Kind of.
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i have ptsd & borderline personality disorder(which i don't agree with)
& i can honestly say if it was'nt for the animals i would'nt be here now.
they are hard work,but they have to be fed & looked after no matter what.
ok it can be stressful,a week before lambing i get really anxious & i have got suicidal,but once the first lambs born i'm fine & loving it,(can't work that one out)
but having suffered with mental health problems since my teens i'm well aware how hard it is.
i really feel for anyone out there with depression it's an awful place to be.
but there is help out there you just have to fight for it.
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Mary, just read your post and I'm so sorry to hear that Allen is still poorly. glad he hasn't to go into hospital again. I know it gives you a break but, knowing you, you will be driving over every day to see how he is and wearing yourself out even more (my mum was like that whenever my dad was in hospital). You sound as if you've picked up a virus, no doubt because you are run down with all the worry and racing about. You do need to look after your own health.
Glad you are feeling warmer now. Just do the bare minimum for the moment until you feel better. Animals need looking after but they don't need round the clock care. You two do. And you are the ones to concentrate on. And forget the housework. Just the minimum. Keep as warm as you can and rest as much as you can. Keep us informed. You know we care and, if it would help, PM me or someone else. :bouquet: :hug: :hug:
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Mary. I agree with MGoM. Take care of you 2. You are too far away for me to help, but I would if I could.
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Once again, thanks all. Feeling a bit better today. My new food steamer arrived today and to say its the dogs b*ll*cks is an understatement. Im also doing a cheering chicken caserole for tea tonight, so that will be going on top of the woodburner to cook later. Actually saw a glint of sunshine an hour ago, it was lovely. Its a bit warmer today too.
OH seems a bit better in himself, always a bonus! He had a good nights sleep which helps. My head feels a bit clearer today and my nose isnt so blocked. All in all, not too bad today.
Thanks for your offer MGM, Ill PM you later on for a chat!!
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:wave: :wave: :wave: :bouquet:
I must get on topo, nice to hear the steamer has arrived!!!
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Glad your feling a bit better Mary, take care of yourself
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I wish life was so simpler so you could just jump in the car or on a plane and go and give someone a helping hand when they need one!!!! Love and best wishes is all I can send unfortunately xx
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Actually saw a glint of sunshine an hour ago, it was lovely.
Glad things are better today :hug:
I think we're all solar powered - amazing the difference a bit of sunshine makes :sunshine:
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Mary, I wish I could have been there for you in your hour of need if only on here (not checked in for a couple of days) but so pleased that you are now feeling a little more on top of things and, thankfully, OH is not quite as bad as you initially feared. Chin up and keep heading onward and upward, as they say. :hug:
PS Your steamer sounds awesome :thumbsup:
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OH even better today Im happy to report. I went out shopping early this morning and when I got back he had hoovered the lounge, made the fire up and was there at the back door of the car emptying it before I had shut the gates. I wont let him go outside for long as its bitterly cold today, still 0 degrees at 1.50pm but hopefully he can have a little walk around the garden tomorrow if its warmer.
To say Im relieved is an understatement!
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That's great news NM :thumbsup:
How are you feeling now?
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:thumbsup: :thumbsup: , keep him tied up for now though :innocent: too much too soon is not good bless him. Hope you both have a nice warm day inside watching the fire!! :thumbsup:
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That is very good news, Mary, and I'm sure it's helping you feel better. Even more with the sun shining. Doesn't that always make us feel good?
Enjoy your new steamer and don't forget to PM. I'm looking forward to a chat. :D
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I was just chatting with a friend of mines son, he is so depressed and very concerning as he just tried to end it all, he was a soldier and had an accident, not sure of the ins and outs but he cannot use his legs, then his dad died very suddenly...it got me thinking about depression again and I know its so hard to come out of a black hole, no matter how many times people try to pull you or temp you out.....I also worried about people on here, hope you are OK Ina (http://www.accidentalsmallholder.net/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=24625) :fc: Glad his mums come over to help him out!!
We can all be affected and so all need to be aware of how some people are hurting so much they cannot cope........the best thing is to talk!!! :hug: :hug:
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I am an anxiety freak that suffers from big bolts of depression due to the overwhelming processes that need to be done on an everyday basis in the running of the smallholding.
Booze helps me sleep - but doesnt help in any other way.
I imagine it happens to alot of people not just smallholders who have lots to do every waking hour.
I think the one main point of most my angst is that you can never get away from work - its not likeyou look forward to 6 oclock and clocking off time - cos clocking off is never an option. Add that to the fact that most the time all you have to talk too is your vehicle or some animal most the time.
Also I love my other half to bit - but living and working together does make conversation run pretty dry unless its just about the boring same old s**t of working and animal care.
Pessimism is my worst foe. Sometimes days are so as I expect its no longer a dissapointment, but it doesnt help you get up in the morning and have a constructive day.
Coffee helps alot.
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Not sure if its genetics or nurture but i tend to process problems quickly, some years ago I was concerned I was terminally ill...I was off for tests, turns out I was fine BUT, within an hour I had thought of how to deal with it, no doubt I would have been devastated but I had processed myself ready for the worse so anything else was good. I also dealt with family deaths fairly well, especially as they had big impacts on things that were going on at that time, eg birth of my 2nd child.
I know that I can get down and to me its just a normal phase of emotion, I am not bad but that's due to me seeing things from different view points........real depression often has no reasoning.......so therefore its harder to deal with.....we are complex...I was speaking with my daughter about all sorts of things and this friend came up in conversation, I told her to avoid getting into conversations with him as he lives near to her.....sadly he tried to end his life today....I however can talk with him as I am far enough from him and also can detach myself and know I am not to blame for his mental state. His mother has come over to stay with him for a while, that's good, she was my best friend, well she would still be but things move on.
Basically, its how we deal with life, its good if you can find someone to understand and talk and sad if you cannot!!! :bouquet:
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Nothing to be ashamed of, Abe, any more than if you had a broken ankle or, like me, rheumatoid arthritis or some other horrible disease. And I wouldn't be so sure that the people you see are strong and positive. Up 'til fairly recently, people would comment on how well I was doing, having gone from being pretty active to having very limited mobility, and I would laugh and joke with them. Then come home and cry and cry because I wasn't coping at all. My OH was worried sick about me and didn't know what to do. It was only when I admitted to one or two people and on TAS that I wasn't coping very well, that things started to improve - not physically unfortunately, but mentally.
The thing is that I was doing what so many people do, and putting on a face for other people and I think it made matters worse because I had the strain of acting a part as well as having to come to terms with having a serious illness.
You've made a good and important move by admitting to us on here how you are feeling. Do go along to the CBT sessions. I'm sure that you won't have to say any more than you are comfortable with and will be able to go at your own pace.
You don't mention a partner, so are you bringing up the children on your own. That's quite an undertaking. You are clearly a loving dad and they will pick that up. They are lucky to have someone who, although ill himself, is more concerned about the effects of the illness on the children than anything. That is something to be proud of.
If you want to PM me any time, please do. I'm no expert but I can be a virtual listener. :hug:
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abe, :wave: MGM is so spot on, its good to get your feelings out and you can no more help how you feel than people with other illnesses, mental illness is just harder to see.......I think the anonymity yet the familiarity of forums like this is great, you then realise you are not alone or infact, different.....we are born who we are and are made into what we become...that's fact, we can however learn to deal with who we are buy different techniques and thought processes and medication or meditation. I notice a lot of people who are perfectionists get anxious.....abe, just chat to anyone on here that you can share your thoughts with...it will help :thumbsup:
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I had my 6 month cancer check up on the 11th of January, this one is the mammogram which I hate but has to be done. I have to wait for the results which is so very stressful. As I had not received my letter with results my doctor who works in Aberdeen Hospital one day a week went onto their network on Friday and got them for me. Results good but during the waiting I got very low. Lady I knew who went through the treatment same time as myself died last week, age 46. I kept telling myself that I would be OK but in my head I think one day its going to get me again. I find myself staying away from family so I do not have to talk about it. I cry a lot when my OH is at work but always say I am fine when he is around. On pills for depression. I do have good days but that big black hole is just waiting for the next bad one when I start to slip back in.
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Sabrina, I am so sad to hear that this gets you down. It sounds as if you feel you can't share it with your OH. Have you tried someone like Macmillan instead?
It must be very upsetting that the other lady died too as you think thats what is in store for you.
Lets turn it on its head so you have someone positive to think about. I had my treatment in 2003 and I am still very much going strong. I now only have mammograms every couple of years.
Wishing you all the best
Sally
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:bouquet: :bouquet:
and the old saying is so true, we could be 100% fit and get knocked over while shopping.....take each day at a time......I think a lot of people would be the same as you, I have a very good friend that I have not been able to contact, she is also going through treatment, I think she too has shut all her family and friends out....its a hard thing to face but looks like you are doing very well......each day is special and so are you :bouquet:
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This morning I had planned to go to coffee morning at church with my OH (he goes twice a week) in my chariot - electric wheelchair - and then do a bit of shopping round our little shopping centre. Got into my chair and the batteries were flat. To my amazement and OH's concern, I burst into tears. I hadn't realised how much I was looking forward to going out. I was so upset that he said he would stay home with me but he needs a break so I sent him off and then cried on my own.
This afternoon we took the chariot for a service and to get new batteries fitted. Then we went shopping and I borrowed the shop's power scooter so we could whizz round. Cheered me up no end. Poor OH is exhausted though. He had to hang onto the back as he didn;t have his guide dog and I made him jog round the store. :roflanim:
It's amazing how, when you are low, the slightest thing can knock you right down. Thank goodness I was able to get out today, even if I couldn't do what I wanted. I think it's important - if incredibly difficult sometimes - to focus on the good things in our lives.
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The vision of you whizzing around with your husband running after you has made laugh :roflanim:
I used to go out when it was dark in the morning then return from work when it was dark in the evening and it made me stir crazy...I need light and fresh air.
You are spot on again, if something you are looking forward to goes wrong then its hard to be happy about anything.......equally when something you are not looking forward to goes well it is uplifting.
It also helps when people you meet during the day are nice and spare a smile of chat......I miss going shopping as I love chatting away to people...when I have money again I will shop :wave: :wave:
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Good to hear you are doing well Sally. I thought it would get easier as time passed but find it harder if anything. I will be better come the Spring as winter always gets me down. Being inside does not suit me and I prefer to be busy with the veg plot or any other outdoor chore. Not being able to get out is a big thing and I understand why you would be upset happygolucky, it makes quite a picture thinking about you whizzing around in your wheelchair. Made me smile.
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A normal or horrid day can be transformed by a kind jesture, a complementory remark or interesting interaction with some one, the reverse can spoil everything. I remember when my mum died, I lived in a town where i knew so many people, I decided to buy a magazine and go for a coffee....every one I met was so nice, although thier kindness brought tears to my eyes, it also made me grateful I was not alone. My brother goes to his local Asda every day and he daily chat to people at the till are his only interaction, I must say, every supermarket seems to have wonderful check out operators, I wonder if they are told to make light conversation....I am used to starting up conversations and as the bus I got on yesterday was early, the driver chatted to me....we talked and he nearly forgot the time....whops..bit like the time I missed my train chatting to the Vicar!!
So....when some one gives us that gesture from their car :innocent: or someone bumps into you and does not say sorry :innocent: or you get some one pushing infront of you :innocent: Smile back at them and think...they must be having a bad day :wave:
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A normal or horrid day can be transformed by a kind jesture, a complementory remark or interesting interaction with some one, the reverse can spoil everything. I remember when my mum died, I lived in a town where i knew so many people, I decided to buy a magazine and go for a coffee....every one I met was so nice, although thier kindness brought tears to my eyes, it also made me grateful I was not alone. My brother goes to his local Asda every day and he daily chat to people at the till are his only interaction, I must say, every supermarket seems to have wonderful check out operators, I wonder if they are told to make light conversation....I am used to starting up conversations and as the bus I got on yesterday was early, the driver chatted to me....we talked and he nearly forgot the time....whops..bit like the time I missed my train chatting to the Vicar!!
So....when some one gives us that gesture from their car :innocent: or someone bumps into you and does not say sorry :innocent: or you get some one pushing infront of you :innocent: Smile back at them and think...they must be having a bad day :wave:
I like to start up conversations with out check-out girls as it makes me practice my french!!!
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:innocent: In france I practiced buying a train ticket...I stood and went over and over what I wanted, the man at the desk could clearly not understand my :innocent: French? and said in broken English "are you English" I replied "no" silly me :roflanim:
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Well I must say thank whoever for the sunshine today. :sunshine:
Been having a fair few low days, SAD, combined with rapid cycling bipolar and the return of my sinus headaches makes for a very bad week. Stayed home from a course today as I just couldn't face it and couldn't concentrate on anything at all.
Forced myself out in the garden to clear the greenhouse and prune the raspberries. Feel so much better. I just know that a life with increased time outside being active, with days where I can just do the bare minimum would be so much better for my mental health than the having to be constantly mentally switched on that I have set myself up for.
I am so glad that there are so many people that have commented on this thread. Not because it means others are suffering, the statistics say that many others are suffering, but because you all feel able to stand up and say. It is so easy to be ashamed of your mental health. I am still guilty of it, I nearly posted depression rather than bipolar in my first post because it has slightly less taboo to it. I think the more depression, anxiety and all other mental illness are talked about the more it will help sufferers to not put on that brave face and make life more stressful for themselves.
Right I'm rambling on, guess I should go look at the topics covered in the course I'm missing today...
Dans
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:wave: Dans, I have been rambling for ages...I think the drive you have is great....thats where pets or small holdings help...they need you! SUN :sunshine: makes a big difference and yes, you are not alone
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OK, deep breath, me too :-[
A couple of you know this but since there seems to be a lot more than I expected on here maybe it's time to say something more openly.
The draft I wrote to post was so long I've just deleted it as it sounds so petty and pathetic compared to what I know many people suffer. I have no diagnosis because I don't want one, nor do I want to take meds. Since I reckon I started over 40 years ago, I reckon my developed skills and coping mechanisms on the rare occasions I go out are so good that nobody would believe I have a problem. Yet I gave up my career, hardly go out, hardly want to most of the time, and have never been able to live with a partner or have a family of my own because of the anxiety, trust and emotional wreck stuff that I live with most days. I have a pretty chronic binge eating and weight problem and huge trust issues. Many nights I suffer insomnia and/or am convinced I won't wake up next day - history of family members dropping dead suddenly or choosing not to include me in their illness so their death came as a shock. I have no parents, no partner, no kids, no real friendships of the day to day kind and no real connection to the friends and acquaintances who still have passions I have lost, still do jobs I have left, still have people I do not. I have pretty much cut myself off and am more comfortable that way, if not happier exactly. I have started writing again recently, which has always been one way for me to talk to myself ;) and I've had a couple of days in the garden or doing stuff with animals that has given me hope, but my resilience is very low, it takes very slight things to knock me completely off course now and a long time to get back on track even with the smallest things. I don't want to say too much more or I'll feel sorry for myself or sorry for you reading my little personal drama. I can and do talk/write about it at great length but even that somehow pushes people away, I think intentionally at some level.
The animals have kept me going but I have lost all the pleasure most of the time and struggle to keep going both financially and physically which makes it all harder since I worry how I would be without them but feel I am going to have to give up sooner rather than later.
Anyway, PTSD, anxiety, probably some level of depression, whether SAD or not I'm not sure, I have problem anniversaries in winter which make it hard to tell the cause but I pretty much hibernate and hide from the entire culture in December and most of January, have days in late March and all through September and with my 48th birthday coming up in a couple of weeks I feel I am living the life of a woman in her 70s rather than what my 40s could have been. The best of my life was 35-45, it wasn't ideal in many ways but I'd take half what I had then and be grateful.
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:bouquet: , one thing leads to another, isolation makes you more paranoid about people....but thats took some courage to put that down on here...very well done, not everyone actualy wants or needs to be close to friends....but, make sure you can talk to some one, you sound like you could do with some counselling, although thats a bit hit and miss, a good counsellor or some one you meet on a train that has no idea who you are, often, can help no end..I am always chatting to strangers....some times, they help me sort problems out better than family for friends as they are un bias.....
I am not sure where you are, I had a feeling you were in central scotland but thats prob wrong.......its good to share...thanks :bouquet:
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Oh, noticed you are near...well you can PM me if you want...not good at sorting out things and not good with money, in fact never have any..but I will listen...I have most of my working life been a listener, worked in Social Work, Youth Work and loads of care jobs and also trained in telephone counselling...in fact, I would recommend anyone with a problem, physical or mental try to do some voluntary work with others with problems...I was on the Nat Drugs Helpline and at the same time, during the day, on the Alcohol help line....amazing how both the training and the job put my own thoughts and problems in prospective...although we all need to top up on confidence sometimes....a problem shared is a problem halved and I always say to myself..."whats the worse thing that could happen" then I take it from there and its often not so bad!! :bouquet: :bouquet:
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Ellied, that must have taken courage so well done for that. Your life sounds so difficult. I looked to see where you are as well in case you were near me and I could suggest meeting up if you wanted, but if HGL is right about you being near her then you're miles from me. I hope you are having some of the nice weather that is around just now as a bit of sun works wonders.
Dans, well done for calling your illness by it's name and not covering it under a blanket description. Bi polar is not easy - my mother in law had it - but it is just an illness like any other.
Hope everyone is having some sunshine in their lives right now (well in the day anyway) as it is a help to see something other than unremitting rain or snow.
My day has been a bit brighter today. My chair has been serviced and had new batteries so we were able to take the dogs out this afternoon. It goes faster now it has batteries that aren't worn out so I had to slow down to give my OH a chance to catch his breath. It makes a change. For years I've been begging him to slow down when we're walking. If you saw his out with his guide dog, it's only the dog that makes you realise he is blind because the speed he walks is amazing. But now I can go faster. Hee hee hee {with evil glint in eyes}.
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Ellied that is a tough life you are leading. I often have to remind myself that time is the most precious thing we have. I try my best to make the most of each day which is not always easy.At the end of the day it is up to ourselves to make the most of the life we have. not to expect the impossible but aim for the small things that we know will make us happy.I have stopped trying to be there for friends when they need me, not because I can no longer be bothered but more to do with the fact that I too have enough problems to cope with and there is only so much the brain can take before you go into over load. Like you I do not go out much by the time I have seen to the animals and household chores I am tired and find it quite easy to make excuses not to make myself go places.
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Thanks for the comments. What I didn't say is that I had 12 years of training and personal therapy to work in the mental health field though I no longer practice because it wouldn't feel right - I have major compassion fatigue on top of the rest perhaps due to being in full practice working with clients and staff and animals and exams and my piddling physical problems at the time my mum decided not to bother or upset me by telling me her cancer had got terminal. Anyway I have nothing left to give most of the time and couldn't afford to drive somewhere to offer voluntary counselling to those in worse need than me even if I felt I had an ounce of anything worth offering. I read other stories on here and know what others are going through is worse, but I feel almost nothing I could do or say of any use so I keep quiet and let those that think they can offer, do so until such time as maybe I have more capacity again, if ever.
As for professional support, I can run rings round most therapists counsellors and MH workers because I know too much theory, technique etc and can usually anticipate and play or foul the game depending on whether I want to escape or vent/push away ;) but I don't see the point not to mention I can't afford to pay someone and don't want the GP to label me and refer to a 9 month waiting list for someone with less experience or knowledge than I have because I'd be horrible to them and destroy what confidence they might have in all likelihood feeling worse about myself in the process ::) I can actually be pretty hard to be around because I don't want the help people want me to want and even writing this I know I am rejecting well meant offers but it's part of what I am owning up to by posting on this thread and maybe someone else will recognise that they do the same, I don't know if it makes sense but maybe that is the help I can be in admitting the unpleasant aspects not just the ones that might make you feel sorry for me.
Anyway, with thanks for the kindness of the offer, I didn't say anything to be helped and the last thing I'm likely to do is go and meet someone I don't know, no offence but it is too hard for someone with social anxiety to meet strangers let alone on a bad day ;) As I say I'm more comfortable as I am than I have ever been and if it wasn't for the lack of income and the fear and physical inability to keep going as I am I would be happy to live out my life this way, tho I used to wish for so much more. I just posted because someone asked if they were the only one and as others had the courage to say no, me too, I thought I should be honest enough to do likewise.
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Understand...some times other people make us feel worse.....I remember having a difficult issue with a foster child that I was unable to discuss with anyone, the counciler I was referred too was no one I would have chose so I did not go again and sorted it myself...the girl I had, had seriouse mental health issues and was regularly stealing money from a frail old lady whos family were well known to locals and the police....I was in disparie at that time.....but it taught me that vulnerable bullied people often pray on those more vulnerable..thats why I say, people can often make things worse!!!! :bouquet:
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ellied (http://www.accidentalsmallholder.net/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=6264)... I have been thinking a lot about you, I used to do paid work here but it did not fit in with our B&B and they did not pay mileage YET, voluntary work did...I lost money in paid work but would gain in voluntary work, just a thought. People with your skills and experience would help others...I know :)
Me and my husband like to keep ourself to ourself too...but....its also nice to be a benifit to someone else with problems :wave:
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One of my friends posted this on Facebook. I hope it might help.
A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."
It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down! -author unknown
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so true about the glass of water and the comparison of stress and anxiety.
I also thought about people not telling others that they have a terminal illness..I am fine, but many years ago I had some tests and it went through my head that it could be terminal.....I decided that I was not going to tell anyone as they their attitude would change towards me and I would become more depressed and helpless.....I obviously would have become ill at some stage and maybe then I would have to say something but I certainly can understand people not telling people their true condition.....To tell loved ones your days are numbered would make anyones last days tense and sad....I so remember my mother telling me her diagnosis, however, she was at a very progressed stage and did not live too much longer......
The sun was wonderful here yesterday and it looks like its going to be wonderful today...so hope that's the medicine we all need!!! :sunshine:
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How interesting to hear about all of this.
I find the winter months a real struggle. By teatime when it's getting dark, or earlier, I just want to hibernate.
It's exactly at the same time though that I need to be taking extra care of my sheep and pigs. I got an automatic door for my chickens so I don't have to be home in time to shut their door, but I still feel bad about going to work in the dark, getting home in the dark and missing out on seeing them and feeding them earlier.
It just adds to the pressure.
But on the rare occasions we get dry weather and it's still light there's nowhere else to be than out with your animals.
I thank my lucky stars that we are smallholders with a hobby flock.Must be a terrible time for those trying to make a living.
On a positive note, we've had a lovely few days. Snowdrops are out, daffys growing, must be spring soon...
J xxxx
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Don't the signs of spring make you feel a whole heap better? At least, they would if they'd last.
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A hard life indeed. I had a very strict up bringing. Sunday was church day and while other kids played outside our day was all about relegion. We were scared of my father, he left when I was 13 and we then got a life. Mother had to work hard to look after us and for that we love her dearly. Now in her 80's she still has our love and respect and it saddens me to hear that your mother was a waste of space but at the end of the day she gave you life. Maybe something she did not want to do but life is life and such a precious thing. You have to move on from all the bad things that has happened to you. aim to enjoy every day. I know sounds like clap trap but until you do all the people who have hurt you in the past are still winning. Find your inner strength, we all have it, build yourself a future that makes you happy and proud. Hanging onto your past ( bad as it is ) just wears you down and you are better than that. We all deserve to be happy.
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:bouquet: Mel
Not much, but I couldn't say nothing. I do hope things turn around for you - you are certainly due some better luck.
We're always here to listen even if we can't do much else to help. :-* :hug:
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Mel...................I echo Sabrina in that the best way to get Karma is to leave all those who did you harm stewing in guilt.......what you have gone through is worse than words can say, I read that all holding my breath, you should write a book, there are many out there with similar themes.....it makes us with nice pasts and pleasant life's feel humble and in my case, pathetic for worrying about what house i want next when all you want is love.
I worked with children in care, many had similar stories, all I could do was listen and give them my time and care, some I have worked with actually got compensation, one £20,000.....I know money is not everything but it would buy you a 4x4 etc......Your mum may well have had her own issues and as a mum myself, if I had a child when unable to cope etc, I would have mentally tried to cut them out of my life, but still thought about them daily.....we sometimes have to reject things for our own sanity. As for that uncle, he probably did things to others as well, he needs outing, he may well be dead but like good old Jim'll fix it, he should not get away with ruining your childhood. I suppose you have been offered tons of counselling, its often hard to find one that you are compatable with, and it stirs up all the s**t then you feel worse before you feel better...often a stranger, like I said before, helps, I spoke to a lovely lady on the train once, nothing deep but she sort of knew things....when I got off 15 mins later, she squeezed my hand and tears whelled up...thats what you need Mel!! :bouquet:
Thanks for sharing and at least putting me in my place, I truly wish I could help..........we are all here at least to chat to........ :bouquet:
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Mel, you deserve the compensation but you will need support from some one if you decided to sue...the girl I fostered did sue but it was through her social worker as she was a minor at the time......you have been hurt deeply........you write very well indeed, it should be recored at least......with the internet you could make a bit of money and still be anon!!! Mel, I am not a big reader but I certainly like your style.
I worked in childrens homes both in Leicestershire and Northamptonshire....so heard a few similar stories......the purpatrators should be made to be ashamed and not you.....your ex, I hope is now sectioned or in prison for what he did!!!
I am off to warm up but am hopeing something lovely happens for you...at least here the sun is out and spring is on its way !!!!! THanks soo much :bouquet:
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Mel, I really don't know what to say to you so :hug: :hug: :hug: . I think you must be a very strong person to get through all you have but I'm glad you are seeing the doctor again. I know the thought of being on meds is not good but sometimes we have to do it. Lots of love to you xx
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Mel, words cannot convey how I feel having read your posts. What an awful time you've had :( what a horrible man. Just :hug: :bouquet:
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:tree: :wave:
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You are all so very nice you know, Thank you for your kind words :hug: :'( :hug:, I hope I have not upset anyone or het anyone up, I have been a little paranoid thinking I was hijacking the post somehow, and I was trying to make a point out of all of this, and it was really to say that there certainly is always someone out there far worse off, my personal nightmares and hell are perhaps nothing in comparison to many others.
I might be a little estranged and such-hey I am bound to be, but I have a roof over my head for the time being, have some wood to burn, plenty of food, my bills are almost paid lol and somehow, I can honestly still smile.
I do not see my counsellor that often, it is a 10 mile trip for 20 or so minutes- that really does not help though she is nice and I have never ever seen one cry before.
If it was not for music and playing I would be up the creek without a paddle, the thought of losing all my animals saddens me no end, Oh how I wish I had not sold my Geese- is he still here?! I wonder how they are!?? I could never forgive myself if something horrid happened to them.
Again, Thank you, you are all so very genuine, sorry if I have burdened anyone or indeed opened up any wounds.
Love xxxxx
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Ahh, There you are! Someone else I know has not had an easy time of it! :hug:
:tree: :wave:
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all good now tho, there is ALWAYS hope.x
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all good now tho, there is ALWAYS hope.x
And very happy for you too deep, though hope,I don't honestly think there is any here! Destined to be stuck in pig poop for the rest of my life, though that is not bad a bad thing at all :)
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Mel....Thank You!! :bouquet: :bouquet: :bouquet:
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all good now tho, there is ALWAYS hope.x
And very happy for you too deep, though hope,I don't honestly think there is any here! Destined to be stuck in pig poop for the rest of my life, though that is not bad a bad thing at all :)
rubbish. just cos you cant see it doesnt mean it isnt there
keep going mel. theres magick in every moment. :hug:
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all good now tho, there is ALWAYS hope.x
And very happy for you too deep, though hope,I don't honestly think there is any here! Destined to be stuck in pig poop for the rest of my life, though that is not bad a bad thing at all :)
rubbish. just cos you cant see it doesnt mean it isnt there
keep going mel. theres magick in every moment. :hug:
:thinking: "I want to believe" Beam me up ;D
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Always hope. And friends - and you have a lot of those on here. :hug:
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all good now tho, there is ALWAYS hope.x
And very happy for you too deep, though hope,I don't honestly think there is any here! Destined to be stuck in pig poop for the rest of my life, though that is not bad a bad thing at all :)
rubbish. just cos you cant see it doesnt mean it isnt there
keep going mel. theres magick in every moment. :hug:
:thinking: "I want to believe" Beam me up ;D
:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
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Feeling really down today, dont really know why. I seem to ache from head to foot, my knees are especially painful. Every time I get up from the chair, its really painful. I know the weather isnt helping with all the snow today, there are things I wanted to do outside but Im confined to barracks! Mind you, with these knees and arms I dont know if I could do much anyway. OH is getting right on my bits, I let him sleep in this morning, since then he has come down to his chair, had something to eat and drink and hasnt moved. He wont even get up to put wood on the fire lazy bugger! :rant: Oh well, another hour and I can take some more painkillers. Thank goodness Im seeing the doctor tomorrow, the list is getting ever longer!!
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I was like that yesterday but at least my OH helped out. Feeling much better today thank goodness. Hope you get on OK at the doctors :hug:
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A week in the sun by a pool would be the best prescription he could give me. I know that the french have one of the best healthcare systems in the world, but I dont think even he could prescribe that! Oooh Gran Canaria 2004, 5star hotel, 2 weeks. Best holiday I have EVER had, complete luxury!!! I can but dream!
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Some sun here would do all of us the world of good.
Mary, I'm sure your knees are going to benefit from all the wight you are going to lose. I know that doesn't stop the pain now but it's sopmething to look forward to. :hug:
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You're not wrong there. Give us the :sunshine: