[northfifeduckling]

        Banned from tesco's - Didn't like shopping there anyway
        Yesterday I was at my local tesco's buying a large bag of Purina
        dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman
        behind me asked if I had a dog.
           
        What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have
        little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
        starting the Purina Diet again.   I added that I probably shouldn’t,
        because I
        ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I
        woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
        and IVs in both arms.
         
        I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
        it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one
        or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete
        so it works well and I was going to try it again.

        (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now
        enthralled with my story.)
         
        Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
        food poisoned me.   I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an
        Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both. 

        I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
        laughing so hard.
         
        I'm now banned from tesco's.

        Better watch what you ask retired people.
         
        They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

[scotelf]

    

oh my, that is so funny, I just managed to read it out to hubby in between the tears of laughter 

[faith0504]

OH nearly chocked on his tea when i read this out, so funny 

[little blue]

:lol:  
reminds me of the Ken Dodd story of wife who puts Whiskers on her hubby's sarnies "cant tell its not meat paste" .... he breaks his neck trying to lick his *rse!

[Hermit]

  Your not missing much, decided to give our Tescos a go and what a load of cxxp. Cheaper but poor quality, I will stick with the co op .

[Rosemary]

I've just become a co-op shopper. There's a Tesco in Monifieth but Co-op and Spar in Carnoustie. I really like the Co-op especially their own brands.

[Anke]

I prefer the Coop to any large supermarket! Also its local, just have to get round and register with their card - I am usually sooo against these loyalty cards, but this one seems to be different!

[Sylvia]

That has cheered up a doleful day

[Sandy]

I go to Tesco as an outing, just at the moment I could do with a trip out as the ice and snow are getting to me!!!! I have heard that one before and thought about trying it myself

[cmorrell]

I'm going to be quite mean and point out that buying dog food does not automatically mean you have a dog. I've bought dog food (and cat food) for neighbours and family members in the past - but have neither myself (I don't think my budgies would talk to me if I did). Not that I'm excusing the questioner and I love your response

Hmm, it's also possible you'd discovered that giant bags of dog food were better than sandbags for preventing domestic flooding - or perhaps you'd discovered that chunks of it worked better in a spud gun than potato at this time of year - or perhaps she was concerned that you were a terrorist and had found a way to make a dog food bomb! Honestly, the alternatives to having a dog are perfectly sane and rational............

I have to ask, what was the point you were banned from Tesco? I can't imagine you were banned just for what you said above. Did you then start assaulting her with the dog food? (Perhaps via the medium of a spud gun?)

[Daveravey]

Excellent Kerstin, that's just made my day   

[Castle Farm]

I got banned from B&Q.

Went in for some timber and while I was looking at the different types some old gezzer in an orange apron came right up to me and said I needed decking..so I smacked the old bugger before he had the chance

[Daveravey]

 

[sheardale]

very good Kerstin and castle farm