The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: waterbuffalofarmer on July 17, 2017, 10:11:51 am
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I know I haven't posted anything in a while and please do feel free to tell me to go if you like :D I felt the need to talk to people I am familiar with. These past 2 weeks have been pretty difficult for me, I had to ditch a friend who was bullying me. Someone I considered very close and, shamed to say never met irl, online. Since then I have gone through varying degrees of self blame, what I could have done to prevent it getting to this position. Problem is I am friends with his best mate, who is lovely btw, we are all mates on Skype and usually do group chat. It hurts whenever I see them talking to each other and knowing I can't join in because of what happened. It's been agony and I still keep blaming myself, even though ik it wasn't my fault, it feels like it is even though it most certainly isn't. I said I don't want to speak to him again, but he won't take no for an answer. Instead he's blocked me until my mood changes. Do I unfriend him or do I keep him there and not talk to him? Sorry this may seem really crazy, I just needed a second opinion. I am torn between wanting to go back and speak to him and not wanting to. Mum said it's like watching an abusive relationship and she doesn't want to see me get hurt again. Silly thing is I had feelings for him for a while and now it feels like a part of me has been torn away, I feel so empty. They say loneliness is better than an abusive friendship/relationship, but it feels horrible. I guess I just need to forget him and go get other friends, friends who appreciate and respect me and respect my religion and not try to change me no matter how much I protested against wanting to be changed. Sorry am rambling now, just wanted to get this out...
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I think its normal to have a bit of mild grieving when a friendship finishes.
One important thing to remember is if you adapt your approach to a person with a bullying character, they quickly realise that they can't continue treating you in in that way.
Do stick up for yourself and look elsewhere for a better quality of individual to spend your time on.
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{{{hugs}}}
A friend who wants you to be different is no friend. Period. Ditch him, unfriend him. Grieve :'( but don't weaken, or you'll be grieving for your own true self instead.
Be strong, I know it's hard :hug:
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Hi
Totally agree with other posts .... anyone who isn't happy with who you are isn't a friend .... you find real friends through doing things you enjoy doing with others who also enjoy doing them. Be sad then be strong then move on. (everyone takes their own time scale with this)
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Thanks for that guys,, it has really helped me... :) I have done what you suggested [member=10673]SallyintNorth[/member] I removed him and although it feels sadish now Ik that it will get better in time. Thing is one keeps remembering all the good times, which is what makes it so hard, but I know its for the best. Thanks guys, couldn't have done it without you! xx :trophy:
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I can tell you from years of experience, there is no loneliness like being in an abusive relationship/friendship.
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Get out and do something physical, stops you thinking about it. Walk dog, feed animals, go for a walk. Don't sit and mope
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Get out and do something physical, stops you thinking about it. Walk dog, feed animals, go for a walk. Don't sit and mope
Thanks. I have been compiling a list of jobs to do/stuff which I have been putting off. Tbh I don't really know how to feel atm, am I happy its finally over? past few months have been horrible/nice/weird, or do I feel sad? I have both feelings welling up, I want to cry but I can't/won't as I feel I have shed enough tears over it all. I still really miss him and part of me wants him back, but because it was really traumatic I don't want it back. Ik in myself I really don't want to ever speak to him again. Why is it so difficult? It will take some time to adjust Ik, I just don't know where to begin, starting over I mean. I think the problem was I treated it as more of a relationship than a close friendship and those feelings will take a very long time to go, they run deep. He came back today and apologised, via my brother, and he accepted that I don't want to be his friend, although he was very upset about it. I am starting to accept stuff and see things for what they really are. It will take a long time, am just a bit of a mess atm. In the past friends have come and gone out of my life. I was very close to a girl when I was younger, we were like sisters than friends, she then moved to a different school and we saw less and less, you could say she got rid of me from her friends group, that hurt but it was nothing like as bad as this (or traumatic for that reason). Sorry am rambling again! ::)
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Scream to the heavens if it makes you feel better. A friend who makes you feel bad about yourself its not worth having. One who is trying to control you get as far away from as you can. Been there and believe me you will be a better person without him.
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"he's blocked me until my mood changes"
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[/size]Patronising little "£%*%"$^&(^*[/color]
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[/size]People don't change, fundamentally. He's shown you who he is. Pay attention. Unfortunately, if you let them back in, they learn they can treat you like dirt and you'll come back.[/color]
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[/size]I've had to do it before, and I've become a bit hardened to it to be honest. Cut your losses, take time to grieve what was and what you hoped might be. I find distraction helps until I'm over the initial hurt; then I'm a bit prickly about the whole thing for a bit longer. Eventually I get to the point where I don't actively wish them harm but I wouldn't help them out of any various situations.[/color]