The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Marketplace => Topic started by: plt102 on March 24, 2013, 11:13:33 am
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My OH has decided that she will leave me unless we downsize and get rid of all our animals and smallholding supplies.
I am so upset but my relationship is more important. So we have the following available:
A mixed herd of approx 20 sheep including one Grey Faced Dartmoor ram (aged approx 4 years, proven, friendly and bucket trained) and 7 grey faced dartmoor ewes (some should still be in lamb, due in the next 3-4 weeks), 5 grey faced dartmoor lambs (4 boys and one girl, aged between 2 and 4 weeks), 6 shetland ewes (one has lambed a cross breed ewe lamb and the rest should be due to lamb in the next 3 - 4 weeks) and a number of cross bred ewes (GFD cross with Shetland).
1 pig arc, a little tatty but will do the job
2 x large 6 foot by 4 foot chicken coops with pitched felted rooves. Integrated large nest boxes on side , full size door and pop hatch. Very good nick and originally bought for 700 quid each.
3 smaller chicken coops. One for approx 6 -8 chickens and the others for 3-4 chickens
Approx 15 red hens (rescues who are approx 2 years old, well feathered and healthy and laying well)
One stunning cross breed cockeral, white with black, who runs with our red hens
Some araucana cross hens laying stunning blue/green eggs, home bred.
One lavender araucana cockeral
A mixture of bantam hens and cockerals: silkies, seebrights, polands, pekins and araucana crosses
one pony trailer. A little tatty but has done us well over the years and has been regularly checked and serviced
on ride on lawnmower with harrow attachment, trailer and leaf collector unit
A 2nd hand walk in chiller which be bought to use for meat storage. It is dismantled and will need some new cables. Approx 6m x 6m (I haven't measured it for a while but if anyone interested, I will get the exact measurements)
A stainless steel double sink unit and a stainless steel work unit with fridge/freezer built in underneath, both bought to put in our new cutting room
Various other fridges and freezers
Various buckets, Fence posts, electric fence poles etc
Anyone needing to stsock up their smallholding, do get in touch. I am willing to take offers.
We are based in Bampton, in West Oxfordshire and you would need to collect.
Look forward to hearing from you. Please give my animals a good home, I am devastated to let them go and would hate for them to have to go to market.
Pip
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Sorry to hear your bad news, Pip, but wishing you all the very best in sorting out your relationship and in finding homes for your livestock.
:hug: :bouquet:
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Awwww.... so sorry plt102 - keep your chin up :hug:
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That must be so very hard for you. Have PM'd you regarding some items.
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Its a hard decision and I have just given up mostly too. But its often the right decision and its very brave to actually make it. Wishing you all the very best :thumbsup:
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Really sorry to read this Pip. You aren't far away from here and I'd love to help (except my oh has said similar) I will listen out for anyone nearby who might be able to help. We have smallholding friends in Oxford who keep goats and sheep. Drop me a PM if there's anything I can help you with x
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Hope everything works out for you even better than you could possibly imagine :fc:
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SO sorry but sometimes we have to change course to keep on track, lots of people are in the same boat right now, very hard times for us all!!! :hug:
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will you be happey spend more time to gether iv cut back my other half dosent like all the animals markit etc .But i still go for week ends away with my son .I hope things work out but i notice folk dont like hard work
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yep it was the hard work at first, then I sold my horses hoping it would help and started doing all the work on my own apart for the odd time when I was out or needed some help.
That wasn't good enough either. So angry and upset. I just hope I can find good homes for them all.
Maybe us smallholders should all ditch our lazy OH's who don't like our passion about the good life and get together, then we could have our cake and eat it ;-)
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Maybe us smallholders should all ditch our lazy OH's who don't like our passion about the good life and get together, then we could have our cake and eat it ;-)
:thumbsup: with you on that one ;) take care Pip xx
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Is there no way you can reach a compromise? I couldn't bear having to give all my animals up and I would most certainly resent my OH if he forced me to :-\ . Hope they find lovely homes and I hope your OH appreciates your sacrifice :hshoe:
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Nope, she was looking at new smallholdings with me only a few weeks ago. We were going to upsize and I was even enquiring on here about getting some dexters and reaaly expanding our operation, then she drops it on me that she hates it and I either give everything up or she leaves me.
The problem is that I would have to sell eveything even if she left me as we would have to split the money so I don't have any choice.
Really miserable right now. Thanks for all your support. Really helps. Hugs
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Such sad news, hope your downsizing does help, some people just never seem satisfied :-\ I'm afraid I'm another who would resent OH if he tried to push me to alter my life in such a drastic way. :hug: :hug:
I could do with some things on offer but you are so far away :'( if anybody is travelling up mort ish I could meet halfway but it is asking a lot.
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where are you mammyshaz? I can maybe transport some things
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Durham
Oops my finger posted too quickly.
We are expanding our hens. Have a few eggs on order but would also be able to take some adult hens with another coop and fencing, buckets etc. just wondering if a sheep trailer would come in handy too for future dreams :innocent:
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mmm - that is a bit far I guess. I will let you know though if we can come up. what might you be interested in?
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Coops, fencing, posts, hens ( sorry we aren't permitted to keep cockerels ) feeders, drinkers, buckets. Spk to OH we could meet half way with the van.
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I really feel for you - this is an awful situation. Maybe you could both get some professional help to work this through. Speaking personally, I would find it very hard to sustain a relationship under these circumstances. I do wish you well :hug:
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Life is just S**T sometimes isn't it, but it will get better - one way or another, so keep your chin up. I'd WILLINGLY take your Dartmoors if only you were a bit closer. No one heading towards the Severn Bridge I suppose??? I could get that far :fc: .
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Afraid I would get rid of OH! If you love the lifestyle you may well regret getting rid of everything. If relationship doesn't work out you might wish you had kept some of your favourites.
Perhaps there might be someone near you who would like the small holding work. It doesn't have the land or money to invest and could share with you.
I would look at that short term cos as others have said you may end up resenting your partner for forcing you to do this.
Will speak to OH as some things might be useful and we are not far in Wiltshire. Best of luck, I feel for you
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thinking about you re problem i think id have the kids and let her get on with it .Could not sit and watch day time TV go to shops and not sales .I dint think i would like the real world do in no think no seasons breeding no think to look forward to no. road blokt naw
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Where are you blinkers?
If you are potentially interested, I'm sure I could get them to you.
I'll post some photos later on so everyone knows what I have
P
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If I got rid of OH, I would need to find another OH with enough money to go halves and a love for mud, sh*t and tears - that would be hard I think.......
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Just some more details about the sheep. Photos of everything to follow:
The pedigree ones we have (all proven mums) are:
Shetland ewes:
051597 Astcote Dewdrop, Colour Krunet, Ear Tag UK0208000-00151, Born 2/4/11 (Single)
051598 Ascote Diddle, Colour Katmoget, Ear Tag UK0208000-00152, Born 28/3/11 (Twin)
051599 Ascote Dumpling, Colour Emsket, Ear Tag UK0208000-00153, Born 14/4/11 (Twin)
051600 Ascote Dee Dee, Colour Katmoget, Ear Tag UK0208000-154, Born 15/4/11 (Twin)
051601 Astcote Dilly, Colour Katmoget, Ear Tag UK0208000-155, Born 31/3/11 (Single)
Grey Faced Dartmoor Ewes
Flock number 00815 Name Peakhill ewe, pet name – ‘Mamma Bear’,colour White, Breed reg number DM2008/815/255, Ear Tag UK169486-255, Born 01/01/2008 (single)
Flock number 00815 Name Peakhill ewe, pet name – ‘Mamma Bears mate’, colour White, Breed reg number DM2008/815/256, Ear Tag UK169486-256, Born 01/01/2008 (single)
Unregistered Grey Faced Dartmoor Ewes:
Pretty: 207615-48, born Spring 2010, lambed 2012 (Mamma Bear and Berbnards daughter)
Pretty’s mate: 207615-49, born Spring 2010, lambed 2012 (Mamma Bears mate and Bernards daughter)
Pinky, no ear tag yet, born Spring 2012, Mamma bear and Bernards daughter
Perky, no ear tag yet, born Spring 2012 Mamma bear and Bernards daughter
Prim: no ear tag yet, born spring 2012, (Prettys mate and Bernards daughter)
Grey Faced Dartmoor Rams
7947 Coombe 7: Bernard: UK384932057, won prizes at Tognes Show 2010, Chagford 2010, Royal Cornwall 2011 and Totnes show 2011, Proven ram for us for 2 seasons producing healthy lambs.
Percy: no ear tag yet, born spring 2012, unproven (Pretty and Bernards son)
Also various shearling ewes (Shetland cross GFD) and also lambs from this year.
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Hi I have messages re the pig arc and replied in my wanted advert for one. What size is the pony trailer please, can you transport sheep in it? Also we are looking for 2 ewes. Can you pm me please?
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Right message now sent, sorry new here
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Here are some piccies as promised. If anyone would like a better picture of anything, let me know and I will PM you.
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Did you get my pm please?
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and here is the pig arc
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I've only just seen this thread, We're too far away in Norfolk otherwise I would have pm'd you about some stuff, but hopefully you will find homes for most things.... If you are totally sure of what you are doing.
My other OH hadn't spent much time around animals until he met me & there are times when he gets so sick of the work & the cold & being skint - but when I ask him now & again why he stays here ::) he says that it is who I am & I wouldn't be me without my animals.
I don't want to upset you anymore than you are already... But would your partner be asking you to give up who you are if she really loved you?
:bouquet:
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She doesn't want me to change and would love me to go do it on my own away from her but as we all know, you need money and support for that to work. So I can carry on on my own which is impossible or try to change my outlook on life. I can't afford to do it on my own so would have to sell up anyway. Xxx
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Hi there :wave: I have sent you a message regarding the sheep and trailer but it is not appearing in my sent messages box. Can you let me know if you haven't received it and I will resend?
Thanks - Donna
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Did you get my reply to your pm?
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PMd you.
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So sorry to hear. Hope you get everything good new homes. Sorry we are too far away to take anything.
Beth
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So sorry you have been forced into this decission :(
I personally wouldnt be happy without my animals and when my partner was alive It was accepted that that was my lifestyle and I was always encouraged and helped even though they where not into it the way I was
I am too far away or I would have been very tempted with some of the animals
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Sorry to hear of your plight, I remember your GFD ram (Bernard) from the shows down here when exhibited by his breeder - he's a handsome chap. Keep your chin up and good luck with the future :hug: :fc:
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:wave: :wave: :wave: :wave:
I doubt I will be able to raise the funds ATM but out of interest how much would you be looking at for the Shetlands please?
Are you 100% sure you want to do this?
I would GLADLY foster your shetland girls and your poultry whilst you had a while to see if you can adjust. WOuld cost you nothing and you could have them back whenever you wanted.
In my experience having someone tell you what you must to regarding giving up a dream builds resentment.
I will be 100% honest and say just recently my Husband and I have had some serious discussions.
Him saying we can't afford them. Me paying for everything AND our own rent whilst he fannies about earning nothing.
Came as a big shock to a burly military man to have his wife tell him to pack up and sod off if he can't at least allow me MY dream after I have financially supported him with his for 3 years.
I love him to bits but I ain't giving it all up a second time.
It isn't a bed of roses at the mo, but good grief things are so much better for me standing my ground.
but whatever happens have lots of these :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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I'm so sorry to hear about this :(
I know people have said that they'd get rid of their OH(!) but you must really love her to do all this, and I truly hope that she realises that. It is one heck of an ultimatum.
I'm sorely tempted by your registered GFDs, but as I'm in Devon it is a little far to travel. :( I may have to call a family meeting and see if they are up for a road trip! How much would you be looking for for them?
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Wow! Thank you so much for all the responses and the support! Especially thank you to CollieWoman for your amazingly kind offer!
Sorry it might take me a little while to trawl through all of this and the personal messages but I will try answer everyone as soon as I can.
I'll put prices on here as soon as I can as well
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:wave: Morning, you are sounding more positive this morning which is a good thing. Will keep fingers crossed that you can reach a solution you are comfortable with.
Donna
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:bouquet:
It must be such a shock. Please don't rush into anything permanent!
I hope you can resolve this asap.
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I'm new here and can't seem to find out where you are based Plt102. Could someone tell me please?
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Bampton, in West Oxfordshire
[/size]from the first post in this thread [/color] 8)
I spent a long time with a person not being/doing what I wanted...often not a long term solution.
think long and hard before making a decision and then review it again before acting on the decision.
good luck
Nic
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I have been thinking about your situation today & remember the tv series 'The farmer wants a wife' there are so many people out there, that would love to meet an outdoor type. Each man looking for a special friend was inundated with replies - I don't think you would have to go it alone for long & in the meantime maybe family or friends could help out to keep things going?
10 / 15 years ago I'd have jumped at the chance to leave my life behind & take a chance with a handsome farmer ;)
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Hee hee!
Would love to meet a nice rich farmer or farmeress!
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The trouble with forum usernames is that they tend to be non-gender-specific... :innocent: :roflanim:
I did see some of the farmer wants a wife show, they had to pick the ones that made good TV didn't they?
Sorry to wander off-topic there ;)
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Hmmmm TAS dating agency :thinking: :thinking: ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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im interested in the chiller unit if the compressor works?
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yep it was the hard work at first, then I sold my horses hoping it would help and started doing all the work on my own apart for the odd time when I was out or needed some help.
That wasn't good enough either. So angry and upset. I just hope I can find good homes for them all.
Maybe us smallholders should all ditch our lazy OH's who don't like our passion about the good life and get together, then we could have our cake and eat it ;-)
Playing Devil's advocate here - but IS your relationship so important that YOU have to give up everything and your other half GETS everything their own way? :thinking:
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Folks, Pip has said many times in this thread that it's the OH's money keeps the place going, so doesn't see continuing the smallholding without the OH - or a lottery win - as an option.
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Sorry to hear about your plight.
Message sent re the fridge freezer.
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Pip - would it be possible to tell me if you received my message as, despite sending it twice, it still isn't appearing in my message sent items?
Thanks - Donna
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Hee hee!
Would love to meet a nice rich farmer or farmeress!
Nothing like keeping your options open! ;D
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Hi sorry for not getting back to you all yet. Was amazed by the flood of enquiries. I will hopefully get back to you all as soon as poss. Thank you for your patience. Xxx
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Hi there,
Right, I am ready to go now - sorry for the delay. Please anyone who is still interested, please will you call me on 07500801748 or email me at doc_timmins@yahoo.co.uk to arrange anything you want. Would like shot ASAP so first come first served. Thanks so much for all your support and I look forward to hearing from you.
Pip
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Ok, email sent.
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Thanks Pikeman! You are up early!
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3 children under 5 !! So always up early
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hee hee!
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As I am just looking to start..you are leaving, good luck for the future, and we wish you well.
so sad to read your story, but i guess you have lived part of your dream..remember, you only live once , be happy
J&H
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Just an update that I grew some balls and asked for a divorce. Devastated but also feel liberated!
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Well done you!
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:hug:
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:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
Wishing you every success and happiness :hug:
Should you need a hand ever (i know it can be tricky on yer todd) give a shout! I will work for cake and coffee :thumbsup: (after lambing and kidding :tired: ) ;D
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:wave: Very pleased to hear you are taking control .... it is hard but much better than the alternative. You can live your dream again in the future ... it may be a new direcction dream,,, but importantly yours!
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Every journey begins with the first step ..... and that's generally the hardest one to take.
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Good luck. Be brave and look forward :thumbsup:
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Good luck
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Just an update that I grew some balls and asked for a divorce. Devastated but also feel liberated!
:) Well done, hard step to take but it will be worth it
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on the brighter side...... whilst we are all soaking wet, spending our money on feed and crying over vet bills - you can keep warm, drink a toddy or two wearing your dry mud free clothes, spend your money on holidays (I forget what exactly they are.......) and buy yourself a treat or three..........
Enjoy!
:eyelashes:
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It must be hard to make such a decision. :hug:
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Wow, go you!!! Good luck!!
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very best of luck :sunshine:
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I really feel for you, going through this. I think a lot of us can relate to having a partner not as committed as us, to keeping livestock, growing food etc. And sometimes this bubbles over when they resent the money, and probably attention lavished on our animals. I had my animals before meeting my husband - so he knew what my interests were. Now we have more animals and land, and he does nothing but grumble.
Well done on making your decision - it can't have beeen easy. I do hope you can manage to salvage something, and keep your smallholding going, even if its in a very small way.......its not fair to expect you to give everything up, surely?
Wishing you lots of luck.
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Good luck and much happiness! :thumbsup:
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Wow, Pip. Big decision but good on you - taking control is liberating, if a bit scary.
If you wanted a wee break, we've got a caravan you could have for a week or two :)
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Sorry to hear of this, it sounds like a very difficult time.
I don't know if anything is still for sale but I would be interested in the young lambs and possibly some of the ewes. Also interested in the pig arc and if you have a creep ad lib feeder.
Could you let me know if these things are still available?
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Good for you! Well done! :D
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Just read through the whole of this thread and here's a big old hug for you :hug: :hug: :hug: I especially liked the bit where you said you grew some balls! You need to be happy in your life and from the tiny bit that I've learned about you, I don't think sitting about watching Jezza Kyle and mooching around the shops would have made you happy. It's a shame your OH couldn't accept this but then that would have made her miserable too. I think you've been incredibly brave. If you need a break away, then come to snowy Mid Wales for a wee while :)
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hello, may be interested in your new lambs and some of the chicks if they're still available. Anne
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Wow !!! way to go that man... I guess in one way , it must have been hard to make the decision,
but as i said..you only live once... better to be happy with yourself than miserable for someone else...
I don't encourage Divorces..but being happy is a must... good for you
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Only on TAS could you post a a for sale thread on marketplace, share your marital problems, get sympathy, compassion and advice, anounce your possible divorce and get so much support, encouragment and kind offers of livestock fostering and scenic boltholes.
What a fantastic virtual family!
Congratulations Pip and the best of luck in all that you do.
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Good luck Pip
How are you
Haven't heard from you since you mentioned divorce - You OK?
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Right big update coming. Sorry I have been absent for so long and thank you so much for all your kind words and support. It is funny that the people who kind of know me best are ones I have never met xxx
So there was a big revelation a week or so that she had an affair last year and has been trying to push me away as she felt so guilty. Now she has been honest, we are going to Relate counselling to see if we can salvage anything at all. The animals still have to go but she says there might be a possibility to start again in the future (I doubt it but we will see)
So I will be starting to contact people who have expressed interest in the animals and equipment over the next few days. The sheep are due to be sheared in about 3 weeks so that would be a great time to collect them. The trailer will have to wait till last just in case along with the ride on mower but the rest can start to go asap. Sorry the balls I grew dropped off and I am doing what she wants but I guess marriage is worth working at I hope. Love to you all and I'll try to get in touch with everyone asap xxxx
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hello Pip
its not about growing balls - its about doing what is right for you and your wife :) If you believe your marriage is worth working for then you go for it!! very good news, really pleased for you. Marital breakdown is never good, too much heartbreak. Hopefully RELATE will help you both work through the issues that led to the affair and that have come from it.
Us girls do daft stuff sometimes, but often realise that deep down our husbands/partners really are 'the one' ...take it from one who knows xxx
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Pip, Its great that you now know the real reason behind the original bombshell. :fc: that you can work through it together with the help of Relate.
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I haven't been on here much in the last few weeks & just read through the last couple of pages to catch up... :hug: I really hope that things work out for you & that you will be happy. With your situation, there are no easy options and there isn't an easy way out, but I am quite sure that your balls are still there and you will be just fine. All the best.
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have sent you an email
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Wow! I've missed most of this discussion, but so pleased you've reached a stage where you can talk things through and try again. I wish you all the very best of luck and will be thinking of you - as so many others on here will xxx
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Good Luck matey, I hope it all works out and that in the end you are both happy. Relate are very good. Me and OH went to them 6 months after we got married, we're still married 17 years later! :hug:
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Life gets so complicated sometimes and a pair of outside eyes will have a very different view of things and will hopefully allow you both to work through to a satisfactory conclusion all round. Good Luck!
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What a saga! This must be one of the most varied threads on TAS! I'm a way away down here, but if you ever need anything in the South West, just drop me a line!
It's very good of you to go to Relate as you could just have easily thrown the towel in, I hope everything turns out the way you want it. *hugs*