The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: sabrina on February 28, 2013, 01:21:04 pm
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Topic on This Morning made me think of my own school years. Up to the age of 11 I was bullied at school but one day just decided enough was enough and fought back. That put a stop to it but today it seems so much easier for children to be bullied what with Facebook and Mobil phones. I have seen it in the work place also and it is just as difficult for a person to cope with. Maybe worse as we think once adult we should be able to handle things better. Everyone has constant pressure at work and more is expected of a person. The more you do the more is expected. people suffer lots of stress, often end up leaving their jobs as they cannot take anymore. yet nothing is ever done to improve things, we just accept that this is how life is now a days. Its far from right that money is far more important than treating your fellow man or woman with respect and rewarding a job well done instead of what the banker seems to be getting.
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It happens in Clubs and Associations too - happened to me.
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Think you'll be opening up old wounds and cans of worms everywhere with this one :thinking:
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Trouble is you don't realise that bullies are probably very unhappy themselves and having a go at others in the mistaken belief it'll make them feel better about their lives until you're much older and the damage has already been done.
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I had the same thing till i was 11 . I then kicked the crap out of anyone who tried , they soon give you a wide berth .
Came across it a bit at work , i even got the sack once for beating 7 colours out of a bully who tried it on me .
I got the sack , but walked out and got another job withing 20 minutes , in the factory next door . The bully wasn't so lucky , he spent 6 weeks in hospital , broken jaw , cheekbone , nose , collar bone and ribs as well as a dozen or so stitches in his face and lost all his front teeth plus 9 stiches in his lips .
Don't think he wanted babies for a few months either .
I hate bullies , and will kick the living crap out of one if they try it on me , few do !
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Better not get on the wrong side of you then :-J As I have got older I find myself getting angry easier about all the unjust things in this life. Why should all these big companies go on making so much money but keep putting their charges up so much than many people now have to choose between heat or food.People in power seem to think they can treat the common every day people any way they like as if we have no brains, too stupid for our own good. More like we are so used to being lied to that these days we expect it.
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At school I stood my ground on the first day of term and had a playground fight - no problems therafter and I could move between the boffs and the toughs with no problem. Thus I inistructed my son never to take any rubbish but to make a stand. I emphasised that he should use just one punch and avoide any drawn out agrument or girly fight. When he started at the big boys schoold there was an evening for parents to watch their kids do gymnastics or some such "teacher" event. I sat next to friends and we waited for the children to return after a break in their performance. The head appeared and apologised for the long delay. My son had used his one punch on my friends son ! he broke his nose and there was a lot of blood - hence the delay in the second part of the "performance".
So Sam had no problems with being teased or bullied but I had a frosty time with the dad of the lad who tried to bully him. Within a couple of years the boys were reformed mates and us parents got on fine.
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I was picked on at school because I was taller and slower than everyone else. It meant they could say what they liked and run away. I just couldn't catch them. One day I was playing on my own (as usual) bouncing a small ball and a couple of girls kept knocking it away so I had to go and get it. At some point I lost my temper and instead of going after it, I turned and slapped the nearest girl round the face. Then went and retrieved my ball. The next day I was scared to go to school in case she turned on me. As I was hanging up my coat she came up to me and said, "You know yesterday? I'm sorry." I said that's ok and she ran off to her friends telling them I was ok about it. We ended up as friends.
In my last job, I was bullied by my line manager, who was telling lies about me and my work to get me into trouble. I went to my head of department who refused to believe me so I collected evidence. she refused to accept that as well so I spoke to the union rep who told me lots of people had been bullied by this particular woman but nobody would report her. she spoke to the HoD and the next thing I had a new line manager. Unfortunately the bully was also the co-ordinator for the course I taught so I couldn't avoid her and it soon started again. we had a round of redundancies and I was offered the chance of leaving on 4 months' full pay straight away if I would take voluntary redundancy. I said yes by phone on my day off. the next day I went in and told my friends and packed up. I didn't tell the bully or the HoD but Personel let them know. The bully was in a panic about how the students would pass if I wasn't there to teach them. As I was leaving the building at the end of the day, walking out with my friend, the bully was walking down the corridor in the opposite direction. She totally ignored me. Friend and I looked at each other and burst out laughing - loudly so we could be heard. I am so glad I am out of that place.
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Good to hear you stuck up for yourself. We used to have a neighbour who tried to bully us in to selling him a piece of our land. he did all sorts of things and I was scared to go down our road incase he was waiting for me. Even threaten to kill our cats. Strange thing happened, I was out riding one morning and he saw me coming back along the road so once again rushed and got out his strimmer to cut the grass verge. This time he managed to throw up some stones and Ben my horse started dancing about. Neighbour got a right fright, I sat tight and burst out laughing. He still tried a few things but I was no longer bothered by him, just thought what a silly little man he was.
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Oh dear yes. In a tiny village of about 50 houses where I was born I experienced bullying from three separate groups/individuals, two in the village the third there and also on the school bus every morning and night. First I sat up front to avoid that one, later just got louder and ended up appearing not to care, though I did, badly. That was mostly, I imagine, because my dad was the local minister and our big victorian manse was set half a mile uphill from the rest of the village which has implications for getting out and about when very young, hence the issues were mostly around 8-9 years at which point I was also experiencing abuse from another (older) source and had to keep the whole lot secret from my dad because he had a very quick temper and would have terrified me to let him know any of it after the first time he spotted me crying on the way from the bus to the house and nearly went charging off to see the bus bully's family til I stopped him from a sense of self preservation (likely escalation/recriminations next day).
A 4th fully emerged when I was in secondary year 4 and was related to puberty (zits, being fat, not having boobs, you name it) but that lasted only a few months fortunately as I had enough friends at that point and an extensive repertoire of comments to prove it was not affecting me :)
Had it in the last year or so at work too, after years of being fine in the workplace - the months of 2009-2010 when I had 3 sudden bereavements in the family over 6 months and was not entirely on form and folk started taking advantage of the weakness.
Had a few neighbour incidents too in a previous rented cottage - one neighbour came onto me while we were both very drunk one hogmanay and later turned very nasty out of fear I guess that I'd tell his girlfriend or out of guilt or maybe just because I didn't fancy him in the cold light of day..
Another was a neighbour and her dad at a field I had and spent most of my time at during that period - first they were very friendly but then started taking advantage and at one point where he decided to take a chainsaw to my hedge to "let light in" to their land/house, I dared to say not that they couldn't but that they might have had the courtesy to ask first, and from then I had threats to cut off my water supply (it was unmetered and originated at their steading as the land had previously been sold off), let stock out, and I got shouted at almost every day for months til I was a wreck and started avoiding times I knew he'd be there, no longer hanging around with the animals only going to feed and do specific things, and eventually I sold the land off which is a shame as I could have done with the extra acres now but decided life was too short.
And then I wonder why I suffer anxiety and social avoidance.. hmm :thinking:
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I did know someone who had lost his right hand in an accident when he was about 10 and, when he went back to school after lots of operations and a fitting for an artificial hand, was bullied by one particular lad who had his back up cronies with him. This boy, Steve, ignored them for ages until one day he lost it and swung round and punched the boy in the face. Of course he had been right-handed and hadn't got used to having to be left handed at that stage. Punching someone when you have a load of metal on the end of your arm is not gentle. The bully ended up with a broken jaw and nobody ever picked on Steve again.
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Yes, this topic brings back memories, not so much my school days,
but my early work days, was treated like sh... by so called bosses.
Who are all now in boot hill.
I often regate not putting in the wellie.
Fifty years later, if i only could have had this old head.
Again as i get older i get angry about people's behaviour past and presant.
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I assume that some of us were on the bullies side doing the bullying at some point... maybe they would care to comment now?
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Bullies hate confrontation, they don't expect their victims to fight back. When my daughter moved up to secondary school an older boy on the bus started to pick on her , she laid him out cold with her satchel full of books, end of problem , he lost his status with his cronies , she gained a lot of friends who had suffered at his hands.
When I was still working, a very unpopular manager came into my department demanding that I gave his project priority, I told him I had more urgent work on and he would have to wait his turn,
" everyone treats me like an areshole "said he, " that's because you are one " said I,
He had failed to notice the department manager standing behind him ....lovely. :excited:
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I assume that some of us were on the bullies side doing the bullying at some point... maybe they would care to comment now?
There's been a fair bit of it on here has there not in the not too distant past??.......or is that not the same :-\
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I assume that some of us were on the bullies side doing the bullying at some point... maybe they would care to comment now?
There's been a fair bit of it on here has there not in the not too distant past??.......or is that not the same :-\
There has been a fair bit of it on here until recently and that is sad (trolling, comments against others choices, racism and homophobia to name a few I've seen). Supposed grown ups who should know better - but don't.
My children have been at the rough end of bullying but have formulated their own comebacks now (verbal) and hopefully are strong enough characters to deal with the sort of people that crop up in life along the way. Yes, I think most bullies have been bullied in their own life but its how they learn to deal with it, or how they are helped to deal with it, that dictates whether they go on to be bullies.
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A bully takes your sole away, and I married a bully but then again, he could not help it as that was due to his upbringing, I am good friends with him now although never forget the very bad things he did.
I had a job where the boss was a bully, she actualy picked on others but they put thier notice in and were off soon so took it all in thier stride, I found my boss to be extreamly racist and kept notes but nothing was done, when she started on me I walked out, I intended to stay but that was that. I must add, she was in fact sacked not long after I left and my best friend and ex police women ended up having a breakdown due to her, people do need to deal and make note of issues with a bully to nip it in the bud.
On here people forget being racist is the worst form of being a bully, I sometimes wish I had stepped in sooner but thats me, and as I am not always good with words can be taken wrongly.
Being a bully is a sign of weakness, they try to make others weaker so they gain status, I do not need status as I am happy on my own with my family.
I was never ever bullied at school and detest how power goes to some peoples heads!!
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Plums, my grand daughter was bullied at School buy her teacher!! She was left out of certain school events and given different work, why? she is dark skinned as her dad is from Asian decent (and Scottish actualy) and the village was very white, after a while my daughter removed her and she did well in a more mixed school, so, its not always the children that are to blame either.
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I was bullied at school, and it made me a bit defensive. I knew I wasn't thick but was constantly told i was and also lazy. It took me till I was 42 to discover I was dyslexic so life was really difficult. I wasn't lazy just hated trying to do things right and always being wrong. Married a control addict and got out after 17 years, so now feeling better about myself, you just have to keep believing in yourself somehow. taken nearly 60 years! But life good!!
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I was bullied at school, I used to be forced to do all this work for these nasty people and my parents where forced to pay for this pleasure.... blinking teachers :innocent:
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LTD I found out I am dyslexic when I was 60. And I married a control freak as well. Even his father accused him of being a bully.
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Poor you - hellish really. hope you're not still attached to him!