The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: jaykay on February 16, 2012, 07:41:48 am
-
Continue the story, four words each time :)
Once upon a time.......
-
... there was a goat ...
-
looking for a mate
-
He tried internet dating
-
but couldnt afford russians
-
so he decided to
-
check out the local
-
Get a goat shop
-
which was better than .........
-
nothing. but, just then
-
he had second thoughts
-
and took up golf
-
Realising he was misguided,
-
He tried line dancing
-
then morris dancing (solo)
-
then attempted yogic flying
-
That nobody knew of ..............
-
yogic flying? really cool!! (Yogic Flying - really cool! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kelb5IGbLXM#)) ;D
-
In an interesting twist...
-
and tap dancing too
-
and tapped morse code...
-
dot dot dash dash
-
(he wasn't very good)
-
but got the message
-
out by jungle drums
-
Amazingly, it was heard
-
by a lonely nanny
-
high in the Alps...
-
Was a lonley goatherd...........
-
widowed some years ago
-
Who was also looking
-
through a big telescope
-
while pondering upon goats
-
in television advertising campaigns
-
about the nanny state ....
-
and decided to stand
-
up for caprine rights
-
or even caprine wrongs.
-
dont two wrongs make
-
for much more fun
-
and games. He thought
-
long and very hard
-
and decided that although
-
he was as horny
-
as the next billy
-
there was no way
-
and then he saw...
-
coming through the woods
-
a rather fat chicken
-
thatll do, he thought
-
Unfortunately the chicken flew
-
up into the trees
-
where the cat waited
-
to be rescued by
-
bear grylls, yet again
-
the chicken was frightened
-
by the barbecue sauce
-
it looked too spicy
-
KFC,s best I bet
-
made with red peppers
-
axle grease and porridge
-
was the cats demise..
-
however, there was another
-
twist to the tail
-
of the second cat
-
That got the cream
-
and the tuna fish
-
Not to mention chips
-
At big cat casino
-
where all his friends
-
were playing Russian roulette
-
With a huge Rottweiler
-
with a machine gun
-
While the chicken, nevertheless
-
was laying an egg
-
for its rescuers' breakfast
-
In the nearby minefield
-
unfortunately for the chicken
-
Chicken Fricasse for tea?
-
More like chicken friedarse
-
dont like my cooking?
-
that called cooking??
-
Beats wokking the dog
-
ummm finger lickin good
-
Said the momma bear
-
Beats that crap porridge
-
some ba....d nicked yesterday
-
Quite a tasty blonde
-
Not from my view !
-
stop looking in mirror
-
Mirror, mirror on the
-
Victoria line news stand
-
reflected real life and
-
exaggerated it a bit
-
because it will crack
-
when the greedy banker
-
Looks into his soul
-
sold to the Devil
-
with collateralised debt obligations.
-
And credit default swaps
-
which the banker wanted
-
to spend on goats
-
so not totally bad
-
until they all escaped
-
and went to Greece
-
no sun, went home
-
found squatters moved in
-
and shot them immediately
-
from a big cannon
-
into low earth orbit
-
twinkle twinkle little star
-
or maybe a satellite
-
which landed on the
-
desert island, now squat
-
in the middle of
-
the sea of tranquility
-
where low gravity caused
-
quite a big problem
-
with the retro rockets
-
so called the RAC
-
and a very nice
-
Rockets And Comets man..
-
fixed the problem and
-
then went home to
-
his mother who sews
-
buttons on the sheep
-
With bright purple twine
-
purple is in fashion
-
with most gay sheep
-
distinguishes them from straights
-
dressed in there pink
-
with ribbons and sequins
-
the sequins of events .....(sorry)......
-
all dazzling and bright
-
the Robotic Autometa Cadets ?
-
all dressed as goats
-
going to the ball
-
they all forgot their
-
Mother's warning about strangers
-
and werthers originals, they
-
they stick in your
-
coat pocket linings, but
-
still taste scrummy. However,
-
sticky pockets can be
-
the latest in fashion
-
depending on your point
-
the goats began to
-
group ready to dance
-
some waltzed, some tangoed
-
The Gavotte was popular
-
in mediaeval france. eventually
-
somewhere in the Charente
-
which is a lovely
-
if your of a
-
nervous disposition and don't
-
have a problem with
-
and so was the salsa
-
Mel you can't count. ;D
which they all enjoyed.
-
sat on a large
-
Woman who didn't know
-
I was so heavy
-
she started to pass
-
wind and apologised in
-
the small phone booth
-
for art though sinned
-
Sad arse never rejoices
-
However, it just so happened
-
to be on a Saturday
-
that the rent man
(back to 4 words)
-
Knocked on the door
-
but, he was selling
-
garlic which he had
-
specially grown in his
-
Rotten wellington boots with
-
added organic fertiliser made....
-
from goat poo and
-
tattie peelings, smelling like
-
grub from my toes
-
The garlic was huge
-
the taste was terrible
-
but rubbed in caused
-
spontaneous combustion in 20%
-
of all Americans used
-
as extras in Gandhi
-
the film which was
-
very sad in parts
-
and hillarious in others
-
like that other movie
-
I saw last week
-
There's something about Mary.
-
Assuming you know who
-
Gandhi is , the others
-
are of no consequence
-
but important to buddhists
-
who sell very cheap
-
on the open market
-
Ten to the BAHT
-
Are you in China
-
no hes in thailand
-
what next to Ikea
-
nah thats iceland m8
-
Thats where Mummy goes
-
To buy bad food
-
even with tomato sauce
-
On her cream blouse
-
she looked very saucy
-
off came the blouse
-
then noticed ketchup on
-
her baggy old bra
-
so took it off
-
next to the checkout
-
who scanned bra code
-
only to find it
-
was the wrong size
-
found a bigger and
-
better box of matches
-
to burn the bra
-
needs straw and diesel
-
and tickets for the
-
folies bergere. So after
-
the fun stopped we
-
we got bored and
-
and went to Iceland
-
again, for a frozen
-
glacier and smogasbord of
-
Big Mac and Fries
-
Sick on way home
-
all over some bloke's
-
Floral paterned welly boots
-
now become smelly boots
-
herring and sheeps head
-
also available in Boots
-
but not the chemist
-
Naughty high black boots
-
Useless for small holders
-
"not necessarily" said the
-
eager 'Stiletto Wellies' salesman
-
proudly displaying a pair
-
of diamante studded pink
-
off the shoulder wellies
-
With the open toes
-
And twelve inch heels
-
Perfect for going down
-
and up ladders to..
-
Get goats off roofs
-
then put them to....
-
bed under warm duvets
-
with there favourite teddy
-
But not before reading
-
The billy goats gruff
-
a scary story, yet...
-
with a happy ending
-
which they all enjoy.
-
even though they can't
-
read it for themselves
-
They bleat at every
-
turn of the page
-
Hoping to find a
-
Rude word or two
-
to use in the
-
re-make of Animal Farm
-
with TAS characters taking..
-
the leading roles. However,
-
disaster strikes when suddenly
-
the book is dropped
-
and all the TAS
-
complete with matching gloves
-
attempted to extract it
-
From Dolly Partons clevage
-
by undoing the clasp
-
So she looked like
-
Which is definitely not
-
a real heavenly body
-
but has a certain...
-
je ne sais quois
-
area of natural revulsion?
-
And a beautiful persona
-
as anyone can tell
-
someone must love her
(Presuming its a her)
-
There's someone for everyone
-
If you search long
-
distance into the perpetual
-
swirl of the abyss
-
Which just goes to
-
show that the harder
-
it gets the softer
-
the landing will be
-
No stairs, no landing.
-
No house but bungalow
-
straddled on a cliff
-
Was Cliff a shadow?
-
No...he is a..
-
Pop icon of advanced
-
tunes, and songs, and
-
sews his own sequins
-
on his boyfriends pants
-
Southern fashion is just..
-
normal daywear up north
-
where kilts sparkle and
-
show men wear pampers ....
-
and there women ware...
-
tough as ole boots
-
look like them too
-
seen exclusively at the..
-
Ritz hotel in London
-
Or was it the..
-
savoy cinema in redruth
-
or even the public
-
Toilets in Hackney where...
-
all the best people
-
like George Michael hangout
-
there dirty washing for...
-
The washing powder adverts
-
which are all lies
-
like singing Bankers ads
-
and Pleiadians visiting Earth
-
and masquerading as Politicians
-
selling small Jerry cans
-
and setting up panic
-
in Tesco filling stations
-
Where men have died
-
and some women have...
-
made love in minis
-
but only in darkness
-
always the best way
-
standing in a hammock
-
wondering what your doing
-
for your tea tonight
-
It's so difficult to
-
get back to Wolverhampton
-
so droitwich it is
-
or maybe just stay
-
away with the fairies
-
and the goblins in...
-
zupaland hotel in jazzworth
-
What's a Jazzworth ? 15p
-
cheap at half price
-
I should Bogof then?
-
and get twice the.............
-
amount for half the
-
price! so, because of
-
the price of fish
-
the pound was high
-
as was the fish
-
which nearly swallowed the..
-
man from the ministry
-
Department Eradicating Farming, Ruining Agriculture .................. (must be an acronym there somewhere)
-
while pretending that it
-
was good for everyone
-
brought in a law
-
which states that you.......
-
must pay pig tax
-
with your council tax
-
and even worse, they...
-
want to tax hens
-
but only chicken feed
-
Which has wheat in
-
what about my weetabix????
-
given to the chickens
-
for a breakfast treat
-
which is also Taxable!
-
Hot pasties cost more!
-
So we won't be
-
eating again this year
-
but will become slim :)
-
Light weight Small holders ;D
-
never hold their own
-
because there are so
-
not into dirty habits
-
like picking one's nose!
-
And hand sifting manure
-
no gloves for either
-
because gloves are taxed
-
And they don't biodegrade
-
but they are handy
-
when you are doing...
-
all those nasty jobs
-
such as wiping the..
-
sweat off your brow
-
And pruning the gooseberries
-
because you know what
-
gooseberries tell tales of..
-
and all about babies
-
Under the cabbage patch
-
where you were found
-
searching for a little
-
Piece of Magic Mushroom!
-
those were the days
-
We'd live the life
-
and sing and dance
-
thought they'd never end
-
but they did end
-
leaving great memories of
-
Breast feeding aged 17
-
Too much too young!
-
as the actress said
-
to her toy boy
-
In the back of
-
an old Ford Escort......(happy memories ;))
-
which rattled like a
-
freight train in tunnel...( or was that Mary ? :o)
-
And not forgetting that
-
It was videoed by..
-
David Attenboroughs film crew
-
professional Doggers to BBC
-
who also filmed the
-
last Tango in Paris
-
Irn Bru in Gaitshead
-
Pimms in Notting Hill.
-
sex on the beach
-
can be dangerously abrasive
-
Especially when it's hot
-
And sticky under the
-
armpits and other bits
-
and sand gets everywhere
-
where its not wanted
-
adds grip, stops slippage
-
on an icy footpath
-
Heading down to the
-
sea for a swim
-
in a wild ocean
-
waves crashing all around
-
hope they were insured
-
when the boat sank
-
and they all died
-
and went to heaven
-
On half day closing
-
They allways closed on
-
Wednesday because that is
-
When they worship Wodin
-
In their fancy Temples
-
with the holy water
-
from the holy grail
-
sometimes from the supermarket
-
and all good stores
-
what about the well?
-
there was no well
-
Just a massive hole
-
where luton once was
-
so they filled it
-
with straw and woodshavings
-
which was much prettier
-
than Luton ever was
-
and bearing in mind
-
they kept the hatters
-
And proud of Hoo
-
or even where, or
-
wich way they went
-
cause satnav didn't work
-
stuck down dead end
-
behind a huge lorry
-
that was carrying pigs
-
On their way to
-
meet with their maker
-
who was an expert
-
in bacon curing and
-
Pole dancing in clubs
-
and dancing on ice
-
but especially good at
-
extreme ironing whilst singing
-
songs from the days
-
of the music hall
-
He remembered all the
-
words to Colonel Bogey
-
but not the tune
-
so he improvised with
-
playing with his ukelele
-
looking like George Formby
-
feeling like Margaret Rutherford
-
acting like dick van-dyke
-
and sounding like the
-
wind in the willows
-
So sadly he returned
-
back to his cave
-
with his bear and
-
sore backside, applying ointment
-
deepinthecrack
-
But the Ralgex burned
-
the fluff off his
-
rather protruding belly button
-
and his little bear
-
behind, so he sat
-
peacefully in the woods
-
taking in the sunlight
-
cross legged with delight
-
eating a lovely picnic
-
drinking bollinger with a
-
teaspoon and eating several
-
fresh cream cakes, which
-
went through him like
-
a buzzsaw through teak
-
didn't even touch the
-
quiche and homemade pate
-
That his granny made
-
She will not be
-
coming for the holidays
-
stopping at home instead
-
tidying up his garden
-
which was really overgrown
-
with some special weeds
-
confiscated by the police
-
For their own use
-
purely for medicinal purposes
-
they all say that ;) ;)
-
the truth will out
-
said the special constable
-
putting his truncheon away
-
and reaching for his
-
handcuffs to put on
-
You are under arrest
-
he told the midget
-
whos name was Bridget
-
because she was Irish
-
or so she said
-
but then she couldn't
-
reach the high notes
-
she was tone deaf
-
and wore dark glasses
-
but only on Sundays
-
she took off her
-
as he had two
-
Bra's on just to
-
stop the swinging pendulums :farmer:
-
in the cuckoo clock
-
cunningly disguised as a
-
left handed corkscrew maker
-
which used correctly can
-
open any wine bottle
-
she particularly liked red
-
diesel but got caught
-
farting black smoke out :farmer:
-
like a forum dragon
-
with a giant bong
-
and a forked tongue
-
wich came in usefull
-
when you reply to
-
anyone on the council
-
or indeed the Queen
-
bee in the knitting :farmer:
-
circle of the WI
-
if you are a
-
fly in the ointment
-
which is very sticky
-
Good for scaley leg
-
or wear tights instead
-
of flappy paddle gears :farmer:
-
worn as an undercarriage
-
or just get drunk
-
On the power of
-
some very strong wine
-
that was trampled by :farmer:
-
a wild nanny goat
-
with smelly feet,wich
-
added to the aroma
-
she always wore perfume
-
wich distinguished the scent
-
and aroused the neighbours
-
octogenarian gardner who vaulted
-
nimbly over the nearest
-
nubile nudist leapfrog team
-
a sight to behold
-
and forget quickly unless
-
you are a naturist
-
who likes to show
-
off and strut about
-
the neighbourhood wearing nothing
-
except a gold medalion
-
and a cheeky grin
-
but in cold weather
-
Tweezers and magnifying glass
-
help him identify his
-
deflated ego.
Then, suddenly
-
he saw someone who
-
had seen it all
-
before, but never once
-
Got to grips with.....
-
this grass chewing lark
-
With those false teeth
-
as blunt as stone
-
bubbling away in Steradent ;D
-
a small village in
-
the deepest darkest hills
-
where goblins played with
-
the elves and fairies
-
Before going to the
-
local bakery for breakfast
-
Chemists to get some
-
rather tiny eye drops
-
for her tiny eyes
-
all red and blotchy
-
and full of twinkles
-
which made her bosseyed
-
and bandy legged as
-
a lambi on ice
-
wich was rather chilly
-
for her nether regions
-
just south of Devon
-
just off the A30
-
Where you know who
-
Has just started to
-
grow their own food
-
in the kitchen sink
-
Drama like a sixties
-
and seventy year olds
-
who want more pension
-
so they can exist
-
Happily in there little
-
cottage by the sea
-
until the cliff crumbles
-
and they drift away
-
on aquarian whimsy. Despite
-
The apparent water shortage
-
water, water every where
-
and not a drop
-
to be spilt over
-
because the sharks like
-
to eat their victims
-
al-dente, with horseradish sauce
-
dusted in parmesan cheese
-
they always had desert
-
apple pie and custard
-
Home made of course
-
with room for improvement
-
and room for lodgers
-
like go compare guy
-
hot bedding for fun
-
With soft feather pillows
-
leather and latex sheets
-
to keep warm all
-
when it's cold outside
-
freezing your bits off
-
that's why we use
-
Warm furry willy warmers!
-
or an electric blanket
-
of course pat tested
-
Pat tests all our
-
bits and pieces so
-
at least we know
-
our bits are safe
-
from people who would
-
want to harm us
-
and take advantage of
-
our kind, gentle nature
-
that rests inside our
-
Rough and ready exterior
-
prepaired for exterior paint
-
a bright fuschia pink
-
with large mauve spots
-
wich can be seen
-
from a great distance
-
in a jumbo jet
-
going to London with
-
Dick Whittington's black cat
-
a feral rascal, but
-
with a lovely nature
-
and really sharp claws
-
just like a lion
-
sitting in Trafalgar Square
-
with pigeons on top
-
looking down at the
-
crap they produce below
-
and giggling to themselves
-
At all the splats
-
then someone shoots them
-
for tasty pigeon pies
-
Which are sent to
-
simple simon's pie man
-
who works for the
-
Ministry of Rural Affairs
-
producing even more paperwork
-
than murdoch on speed
-
which he buys from
-
his phone hacking pals
-
bought from Scotland Yard
-
who also like selling
-
out dodgy nigerian politicians
-
wearing nothing but wigs
-
and a big smile
-
also fairy wings and
-
a big wand which
-
flashed on and off
-
in time to the
-
cheer leaders who loved
-
any kind of action
-
especially with a quarterback
-
who could move fast
-
weaving in and out
-
and up and down
-
and such big boys
-
with such little toys
-
from kinder eggs and
-
they love the chocolate
-
eating far too much
-
and suffering tummy ache
-
needing lots of Rennies
-
Followed by whiskey and
-
cheese and onion crisps
-
eaten in bed causing
-
crumbs in awkward places
-
help needed to remove
-
them with sticky backed
-
plastixc and toilet roll
-
which is also needed
-
on Blue Peter programmes
-
to make Tracy Island
-
and fairy bottle rocket
-
for Elton's birthday party
-
a really glamorous do
-
and all are invited
-
To attend the execution
-
bring a rope and
-
a picnic so that
-
you dont have to
-
go hungry if it
-
been forecast good weather
-
but the mists of
-
Time play tricks with
-
their senile minds and
-
worn out bodies which
-
limp through all the
-
Nettles and docks to
-
the buttercups beyond, but
-
four leaf clovers will
-
change their luck unless
-
the tax on luck
-
has been withdrawn again
-
after extensive consultation with
-
Runes -wet sea weed
-
unless the tide returns
-
And we find ourselves
-
up to our armpits
-
in shoulder length wellies
-
that rub the skin
-
and cause joggers nipple
-
so cream is applied
-
by a dusky young maiden
-
or master if prefered
-
to cool it down
-
and soothe the area
-
for breast feeding ferrets
-
who bite the nipples
-
to all the sores
-
but rejoyce because they
-
taste of cookie crumble
-
which is their favourite.
-
tipple of the month
-
chosen by Which Magazine
-
Featuring TASers own homemade
-
dandelion and nettle brew
-
but it wasn't alcoholic :(
-
such a great shame.
-
they had an idea ...
-
go down the pub
-
and celebrate with vimpto
-
with a splash of
-
last nights bath water
-
and soapy bubbles too
-
it was very tasty
-
With goat cream and
-
pig sniffle on toast
-
but their waistline was
-
expanding by the minute
-
until it reached the
-
point of no return
-
exploding into little pieces
-
Of jewelled treasure in
-
front of an audience
-
they were so ashamed
-
of the awful mess
-
they decided to get
-
Guilt counciling experts in
-
but there wanted lots
-
sorry typo
but they wanted lots
-
of tax free cash
-
like Jimmy Carr , greedy
-
But legal like other
-
high ranking politicians like
-
gordon browns gold sales
-
and other politician's expenses
-
building a duck house
-
or being plain greedy
-
not like Robin Hood
-
along with maid marion
-
robbed the horrible sheriff
-
whilst wearing green tights
-
in Sherwood forest.
-
in Sherwood forest.
4 words Sab ! ;)
-
with bows and arrows
-
and his merry men
-
who had drunk too
-
much ale and they
-
started on the mead
-
which gave them a
-
gutfull of noxious gasses
-
everyone should stand clear
-
and deffinitely down wind
-
before the rumble comes
-
like a thunder storm
-
with vivid flashes of
-
lightening and black clouds
-
just like Welsh weather
-
then their tummies settled
-
after taking some Rennies
-
they were very grateful
-
the pain had stopped
-
suddenly a nurse appeared...
-
to vanish into thin..
-
... air, and then all ...
-
Hell broke lose in....
-
... the corner of the ...
-
eye where the old....
-
map was folded in
-
in the shape of.....
-
... a double decker bus!
-
which was late, like...
-
most people with animals
-
who dont usually seem...
-
bothered, but sheep olympics...
-
have a larger audience
-
than the pig olympics
-
they are very agile
-
and can really move
-
in mysterious ways like..
-
like Russian gymnasts who
-
bend themselves in half
-
every time the old..
-
coach blew the whistle
-
they stood to attention
-
holding high their white...