The Accidental Smallholder Forum

Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: egglady on July 05, 2010, 11:58:37 am

Title: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: egglady on July 05, 2010, 11:58:37 am: where do i start? i am so angry i have burst into tears of rage.

we have 2 cats, got them when they were babies. 2 brothers, both are neutered. they live in the house in the day and go out at night. we dont have a cat flap so it's down to us to let them in and out. for a year and a half this arrangement has worked very well.

about 6 months ago, one of our cats stopped coming home every night. needless to say we were worried sick but after about a week, he came home. ever since then there will be a few nights he doesnt come home and then turns up again. he always looks well so we know wherever he goes he's safe and gets fed.

to cut a long story short, we've discovered that he seems to have decided to have TWO homes and spends quite a bit of time at someone's house in the next village to ours.

she already has a cat so presumably he has access to food. she phones us every time he shows up - sometimes after days though - and we go and collect him. we've asked her if she wants him and she doesnt cos her own cat doesnt like ours - which is fair enough.

well she phoned me yesterday to tell me he was there and did we want to go and pick him up, then she said "he's just having his dinner just now, so maybe after that". so now i know why he goes there!!! i asked her to stop feeding him when she could (appreciating that she would sometimes be out and couldnt) and also to put him out. she said she couldnt put him out becuase he 'dirtied her windows'. i told her I'd come and clean her bleedin windows if that were the case, but he wouldnt stop visitng her unless she started to make it less comfortable for him! anyway, we ended the conversation - presumably both feeling frustrated. in the end, in attempt to get her to listen, i said we'd either have to rehome him far away or else get him put down (i have no intention of getting him put down but i needed to make her understand that she wastn helping the situation)

she's just phoned me, to tell me that the reason he left home "was because i didnt feed him enough when he was a young cat, so he left becuase hewas hungry". i hung up on her i was so angry. then she phoned back and told me that i had given her a 'lecture' yesterday which she hadnt appreciated and that she'd lain awake all night worrying abut the cat.

i am sooooo angry i cant function. as i said, we have 2 brothers, both of whom have unlimited food - their bowls are never empty - and if we are so bad, why is the other cat still here???

she went on and on and on and wouldnt listen to a word i said, told me i had to rehome him to the country and that i shouldnt have told her not to feed him and to put him out.

how can i get her to realise that SHE is part of the problem?
why are people so horrible?
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: jameslindsay on July 05, 2010, 12:10:57 pm: Want some of my blood pressure tablets Laura? Relax as long as you know your cats are well looked after that is all that matters. Cat's are so damned unloyal. :)
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Sandy on July 05, 2010, 12:20:18 pm: Cats will go anywhere where they get food no matter how much you feed them, I had a cat(my ex had after we divorced) thats belly nearly touched the floor as he used to go across the road and they feed him too, unfortunalty he became a bit slow and got hit on the way across and sadly died but my point is, they are just out for themselves!!! I get mad that people put our human feelings onto animals, I do too but have to stop myself, they function at a different level and so dose that women!!! I would be furiouse too, better say nothing other than to get the cat a new home far away if you can!!!!!
feet up, cuppa and Biscuit time and let her rant on and on and on
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: egglady on July 05, 2010, 12:23:42 pm: thanks you two xx now i'm crying again but just cos you care and understand. i so dont know know what to do about him. i am normally such a practical and logical person who can solve most problems but this one just has me stumped
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: jameslindsay on July 05, 2010, 12:29:48 pm: Can you not just keep him as a house cat? My sister has a cat that does not get out and he has a great life. :cat:
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Wizard on July 05, 2010, 12:59:03 pm: A country saying You don't have a cat the cat has you.I am not a cat lover at all the bloody rotten things kill the birds in the garden, rake the bubs out of the nests Pooh in your seedlings. A Black Widow helps them to realise they are not welcome ???
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: egglady on July 05, 2010, 01:07:16 pm: Quote from: jameslindsay on July 05, 2010, 12:29:48 pm
Can you not just keep him as a house cat? My sister has a cat that does not get out and he has a great life. :cat:

we thought about that, but he's had 2 years of being out in the countryside, so dont think it's fair on him to suddenly stop. might have to in the short term though
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: jameslindsay on July 05, 2010, 01:09:22 pm: Isn't it sad how just 1 person can cause so much damage/upset?
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Daisys Mum on July 05, 2010, 01:29:09 pm: When my children were small we had a ginger cat which one of my neighbours started to feed and take in, I was really angry as the children were very upset that Ginger did not come home every night, but there was nothing we could do as he would have hated to be kept in, as all cat owners will say they are fickle creatures who will go wherever they like. Perhaps you just need to stand back and let him come home on his own, don't run when she calls just tell her to put him out and he will come home when he is ready and sod her bloody windows.
I don't understand why she is encouraging him when her own cat does not like him, that seems to me to be a bit cruel to her own cat.Perhaps you should suggest that she put her own cat first. I chase any other cat that comes round here as my house cat is very nervous.
Anyway good luck and DONT let her upset you she is obviously a sad pathetic individual(old cow)
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: egglady on July 05, 2010, 02:18:45 pm: thanks everyone - i really appreciate it, at least i know it's not me! i did 'suggest' to her that she put him out every time she see's him but that was when she said a) that he would dirty her windows and b) that she would be lying awake worrying about him! but she doenst want him - it just doesnt make sense. i phoned the vet after i posted here and asked their advice too and they said i was right and that i do only have 2 choices - rehome or have him put down! vet was great, agreed that having the boy put down isnt really an option but if it makes her stop feeding him and making him welcome then i was right to tell her that.

vet also said, feeding him and THEN bringing him home (as per her suggestion) was a waste of time - but if that's how she wants to spend her time then i should just let her - no skin off my nose sort of thing.

have a pal who lives beside some woods down near Edinburgh so i've asked her if she wants him & she'll let me know tomorrow. at least i know he'd be fine rather than rehoming to some unknown person.

thing is, we didnt want cats in the first place & only got them cos we had mice when we moved in...and now i've ended up attached to the damn thing!
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: doganjo on July 05, 2010, 02:19:55 pm: I wouldn't speak to her. Write her a letter and tell her that she must STOP feeding your cat as what she feeds him makes him ill, and that you will contact the Cat Protection League if she continues to do so. And at the same time keep him indoors for a week and feed him REALLY good tempting food. I had to do this a year or so ago when rio visited some horses about a mile up the road - Carol their owner had been feeding him for a couple of weeks thinking he was a stray. She stopped feeding him when I found out though and asked her not to, he only goes up there occasionally now to catch the rabbits which abound there.
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: egglady on July 05, 2010, 03:21:01 pm: i just remember something else....she gave me a hard time becuase I dont phone her to tell her when he's gone missing!!! Yet she tells me when he's there, so apparently, this means that i am supposed to phone her to tell her to 'expect' him!!!! cant believe i forgot that part till now!!
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Roxy on July 05, 2010, 04:12:14 pm: Anyone who has a cat has to understand that they do not own the cat - a cat will make sure it has two homes, and eat at both of them. Its not like having a dog, you control that and keep it at home, but you cannot follow a cat all over the place, can you?

We have a lot of farm cats. I know for a fact, two go next door, because the man there thought they were two stray kittens, started feeding them and that was it.....they go round every day now. It only came to light when he came and asked had I seen two black kittens. Also we have a ginger intact tom and also a black and white one. They appear to have moved in, no idea whose they are. But the black and white one, I have seen visiting at least three other farms along the lane after food, and he is as fat as a pig!!! I cannot stop him coming here, no more than I can stop him visiting everyone else on the lane.
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Rosemary on July 05, 2010, 04:18:54 pm: I think I'm kind of with Roxy on this. I'm not really sure what the problem is here. Apart from you having to go and pick your cat up (I assume it's not too far away) and the potential danger of him on his journey, sounds like your cat's got it made - not just one but two homes and an exciting journey between them!

Couldn't the two of you just agree to share him - like joint custody? Some parents manage to do it with their children, couldn't you and this other lady manage to do it with the cat? You're both obviously cat lovers and care about the wee blighter, so can't you come to some amicable arrangement without resorting to letters here there and everywhere? Isn't there enough strife in the world without falling out over a cat?

Take her some flowers and come to some compromise :)
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Jackie on July 05, 2010, 04:55:56 pm: I'm not really sure what you are angry and upset at? Is it cos the cat gets fed twice? Is it cos the woman wouldn't listen to you and do as you said? Whats the problem here?

Re homing a cat because he goes to be fed somewhere else seems a bit harsh. Just let the cat and that woman get on with it.
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: egglady on July 05, 2010, 06:55:10 pm: Quote from: Jackie on July 05, 2010, 04:55:56 pm
I'm not really sure what you are angry and upset at? Is it cos the cat gets fed twice? Is it cos the woman wouldn't listen to you and do as you said? Whats the problem here?

Re homing a cat because he goes to be fed somewhere else seems a bit harsh. Just let the cat and that woman get on with it.
good questions..i am angry and upset NOT becuase the cat gets fed twice as he isnt overweight, NOT because she wont do as i asked, but BECAUSE she says she doesnt want him, wont stop feeding him but wants me to stop him going to hers! so how on earth am i meant to be doing that if she keep making him welcome?

if he wants 2 homes then there isnt much i can do about it - but i do object to being told that the reason he left in the first place was cos we didnt feed him well enough and he was hungry! there is ALWAYS food in their bowls (and not cheap cr@p either) and his brother doesnt go wandering.

and to your point Jackie, i CAN'T just let them 'get on with it' cos she says she doesnt want him!!!! (but her actions suggest otherwise to me)

i dont want to send her letters/argue/fight over the cat..i just want a peaceful life

does that make sense and does that explain my frustration?
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Rosemary on July 05, 2010, 07:22:20 pm: Go and talk to her, face to face, without losing the rag or getting upset. Or try your local Council - they may have a team of mediators who can help. Our local Council has a CALM team (which stands for something but I can't remember what) that mediates in neighbourhood disputes.
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Jackie on July 05, 2010, 07:32:45 pm: ' From "Daily Mail" 8th October, 1946: It was held by Judge Crosthwaite at Liverpool County Court that the cat has a right to prowl.

J. E. Withers tenant of a ground floor flat in St. George’s Road, Hightown, Liverpool, sought an injunction against her tenant of the flat above, to keep the cat under control and claimed damages. For Mrs. C.’s cat, it was said, got into Mrs. W. ‘s, fiat ate mincepies and fish, got on to a bed, and scratched the bedpost. For the plaintiff it was contended that a cat was in the same category as a dog, and it was the owner’s duty to keep it under control. For Mrs. C. it was argued that an owner was not liable for a cat’s actions "when trespassing and following its natural propensities." Judgement was given for Mrs. C. with costs. '

The point of the above quoted article is that it is up to HER to keep the cat out and not for YOU to stop it visiting as cats have a RIGHT to prowl.

Thats now a law.

I would send her a letter dumping the problem in her lap by saying that you CANNOT be held responsible if your cat visits her house as she continues to feed it and that you do not want any further contact about this matter or you will class it as harrassment.

Then forget the whole thing and just let the cat do as he wishes. ;D
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: egglady on July 05, 2010, 08:04:21 pm: Jackie, that is really helpful - thank you. i so love this forum! :-*
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: knightquest on July 05, 2010, 10:43:36 pm: My initial response was to clean her windows with a brick but on reflection, Jackies' answer was better! ;D
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Wizard on July 06, 2010, 06:26:37 am: I don't know what you are mucking about at.Throw a bucket of water over it, it won't come back for round two.Drench it with the garden hose.Get the bloody thing wet through cats and water don't mix. :farmer:
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Jackie on July 06, 2010, 10:04:33 am: "You are very welcome Egglady." She says as she courtesy's. ;D
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: valr on July 06, 2010, 11:31:21 am: One of my cats is a huge chunker. She is so fat she can hardly jump the fence. It is because she is being fed somewhere else, I am sure! She has these huge dark eyes (like Puss in Boots in Shrek when he is doing the heart-melting thing) and I daresay someone thinks they are being kind to her. However last time I had her at the vet I was told she had to slim down! My other two are trim and fit and I am sure the reason is they don't eat at a neighbours. I am careful not to overfeed them all.
I am going to put a collar on with with a message saying "please do not feed me". If I knew which neighbour was responsible though, I would take the route advocated by Wizard and ask them to douse her with water a couple of times to discourage her! It wouldnt do her any harm at this time of year and I am sure it would do the trick.

Remember - "Dogs have owners, cats have servants"! They are very self-serving but that is one reason I love them.
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: egglady on July 07, 2010, 12:38:17 pm: there was me in the kitchen this morning looking like I'd been dragged through a couple of hedges - hubby's dressing gown on and a box of cheerios in my hand ..when the door bell rang......guess who? yup...HER and my cat. he came rushing in to have his breakfast and she said "I'm sorry i went off on one the other day". so we talked - like grown ups !! she said she hadnt fed him since i spoke to her the other day and hadnt let him in either. she also asked if i'd phone her next time he wanders so she knows to shut her windows......

looks like the 'lecture' worked after all.....AND i spent about an hour yesterday writing a rather brilliant, if you dont mind me saying, letter which i was planning to post to her today!!!

thanks you guys for reminding me that i was sane after all.....well kind of!
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: jameslindsay on July 07, 2010, 12:41:17 pm: Result, well done Laura
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Rosemary on July 07, 2010, 02:24:30 pm: Thank heavens someone behaved like a grown up and you hadn't sent the "brilliant" letter. It astounded me how aggressive some of these posts were.
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: egglady on July 07, 2010, 03:33:07 pm: Quote from: Rosemary on July 07, 2010, 02:24:30 pm
Thank heavens someone behaved like a grown up and you hadn't sent the "brilliant" letter. It astounded me how aggressive some of these posts were.

rosemary the letter wasnt horrible, it just stated what i was asking her to do and why i was asking her to do it. i think we were both grown up - well me mostly of course!!! 8) 8)
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: belgianblue on July 07, 2010, 04:55:55 pm: well at least you know where the cat is. chill.
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Daisys Mum on July 07, 2010, 06:00:22 pm: Quote from: Rosemary on July 07, 2010, 02:24:30 pm
Thank heavens someone behaved like a grown up and you hadn't sent the "brilliant" letter. It astounded me how aggressive some of these posts were.
I don't think any of the replys were particularly aggressive, most of what was said was just to give Laura some moral support, at the end of the day the cat did belong to her and no one has a right to take over someone elses animal, had it been a horse or a dog would you still advocate sitting back and letting the animal decide where it wanted to be
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: jameslindsay on July 07, 2010, 06:05:07 pm: Quote from: Daisys Mum on July 07, 2010, 06:00:22 pm
Quote from: Rosemary on July 07, 2010, 02:24:30 pm
Thank heavens someone behaved like a grown up and you hadn't sent the "brilliant" letter. It astounded me how aggressive some of these posts were.
I don't think any of the replys were particularly aggressive, most of what was said was just to give Laura some moral support, at the end of the day the cat did belong to her and no one has a right to take over someone elses animal, had it been a horse or a dog would you still advocate sitting back and letting the animal decide where it wanted to be

Well said! :) :)
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: belgianblue on July 07, 2010, 09:49:02 pm: theres a saying that you may own an cat, but the cat looks at you " you don't own me". and does its own thing and its true.
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: valr on July 07, 2010, 10:24:33 pm: I don't think any of the posts were aggressive either .... ??? (At least not to me! But then, I am aggressive for a living ;D It gets wearing sometimes)
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: egglady on July 07, 2010, 11:00:20 pm: oops......this has ended up quite differently to where it started! folks, for what its worth, i really really appreciated all the moral support and i didnt think anyone was aggressive at all - well apart from the lady in question - and she apologied. it was a worthwhile thing in lots of ways cos it made me think about how we all jumpt to conclusions and also made me find out exactly what the position is with cats and the law (thanks Jackie!) and good to get some moral support. living in the country and being on my own most of the time, sometimes i can feel a bit alone - it is so good to have your e-pals around!!
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Rosemary on July 07, 2010, 11:09:07 pm: I'm really glad you've been able to sort it out amicably. Poor cat will get a surprise when he discovers that you're both conspiring against him though. ;D
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Meh! on July 11, 2010, 03:51:32 pm: Think you just have to look at it from the cats point of view, he is loved and fed by two people!
He manages to find his way to the other house and I'm sure he would find his way back without you picking him up. He will ultimately choose if he wants to stay somewhere rather than the alternative. At the moment he is being well looked after wherever he is!

As for the womans attitude - people are people and will never all agree on what is right, wrong or reasonable. Hard ot grasp that one but its true.

On a lighter note - ask what she's feeding him - he maybe prefres her brand of food - seriously!
And make sure your moggy has a collar with YOUR name as happy owner!
Let us know how it goes!
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: egglady on August 12, 2010, 09:55:15 pm: well i thought you might like to hear the latest....

Mr Whatsisname phoned last night to say the cat was at them at the weekend and when he picked him up to put in the cat carrier to bring him back to us, the cat bit him. through to the bone apparently and he (the man) ended up in hospital cos he took a reaction to the bite.

this was last night (Wednesday), the cat had been in the house and they had put him out.......WITH FOOD LEFT OUTSIDE FOR HIM!!!!

hubby said he'd go down and look for him, but i told him not to. what's the point if they are still feeding him...despite me asking them not & despite the bl00dy cat biting the man and him ending up in hospital?!?!?!?

so what do i do now?
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Hardfeather on August 12, 2010, 11:47:46 pm: Quote from: egglady on August 12, 2010, 09:55:15 pm

so what do i do now?

Send a get well card to Mr whatsit, get to grips with the fact that you own half a cat (better than no cat), have a glass or two of nice wine and then close the windows and doors before laughing your socks off. ;D
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: knightquest on August 12, 2010, 11:55:50 pm: Oh dear. I know we have a dangerous dogs act but a Petulant Pussy act? Not so sure ;D ;D

Some people..... I like the sound of the wine and the laugh by the way. That would be the way I would treat the situation.

Ian
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: doganjo on August 13, 2010, 12:11:42 am: Yup, me too - that reminds me, where's Rio? Will put on the outside light, call his name, and if he doesn't come immediately he's on the tiles for the night - and he can have his breakfast with the horses down the road! ;D ;D
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: egglady on August 13, 2010, 10:07:38 pm: you lot are good for the soul!! thanks for making me smile...

see you at kinross show ra morra x
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Sandy on August 13, 2010, 10:10:08 pm: I went to visit my black mate in London and said, " you know, we have something in common, we both have black roots"!!! ;)
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Sandy on August 13, 2010, 10:11:17 pm: C U all at Kinross
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: doganjo on August 13, 2010, 11:10:01 pm: Me and Sandy should be there about 1pm - see you all at the stand. you will all be asked to spend 50p on a horticultural quiz!
Title: Re: The cheek of some people.....
Post by: Jackie on August 14, 2010, 06:49:44 am: Egglady you do exactly what I said last time you asked, send them a letter dissolving yourself of any responsibility cos cats have the right to roam and its THEIR fault (thumb and all) that the cat keeps going there.

Be polite but very firm, and this time whatever happens write that letter or we will all be back here in a few more weeks going round and round with this. :)