The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: Fleecewife on July 10, 2016, 03:48:16 pm
-
So, you walk into your GP's surgery and he or she says 'Good morning Jane, how can I help you'? 'Well, doctor... you begin.
You walk into the consulting office of your hospital specialist and he or she says 'Good morning Jane. How have you been since the last time I saw you?' 'Well, Dr.......' you begin.
You are admitted to hospital and the admitting nurse says ' Hello Jane, I'm Sister Black'...and so on.
Are you getting the picture? When we are on the receiving end of health care, we the patient are automatically addressed by our given name, whereas the health care professionals introduce themselves with their honorific plus surname. If you addressed your consultant by his given name he would choke on his tie.
I worked in hospital health care for my whole career so I know the stock answers. 'It's much friendlier to use first names when people come into hospital' (applied only to the patient and some nurses, physios and so on once you've been there for a while). 'patients much prefer to be called by their given name' But do they really? Many older people really do not like it, and prefer to be called Mr or Mrs, Sir or lady, whatever, plus their surname. At the very least it would be nice to be asked how you would like to be addressed. Using the given name for everyone, without asking has only really occurred in the last 20 or 30 years.
Why then do the care givers of every kind prefer to be given their honorific plus surname? There are for example very few doctors who will introduce themselves 'good morning Mrs Jones - I'm Jimmie your registrar. How would you like me to address you?'
There is also something of a hierarchy within the hospital too - many medics will call nurses by their given names, when they remember them, but definitely do no expect said nurses to reciprocate. Same with secretaries - they get their given name, but call their bosses by their honorifics.
If you try to analyse it then you must conclude that it is just as unfriendly and gives a sense of 'I'm the medic, you're just a lesser being'. I do find it so disrespectful to patients, creating and perpetuating the superior versus inferior relationship. It also annoys the backside off me when I am addressed by my first given name as I never use it, and hate it :rant:. So far from being friendly, calling me by my first given name is almost offensive.
Here on TAS we have a really wide spread of young and old, health care professionals and people who have been on the receiving end of health care. What do you think of this question? Do you feel spoken down to when you are called by your given name whereas the staff are formal and expect the use of their full title? Or do you feel it's friendly to be automatically called by your first name but you wouldn't expect to call your doctor by his/her/its given name, and I'm just old fashioned and a wittering old woman?
-
My son was a frequent visitor to the childrens ward, at least once a week for several years. The nurses were always known as nurse Jane ect, the sister was sister Sally and the doctors were called Dr Susie or whoever. Sister Sally never gave the surname of the junior doctors and those she did not like she never gave the first name of the parents to, as some of the rotated junior doctors had a very inflated opinion of themselves. It worked and reasured the children at the same time.
At the other end of the scale with elderly relatives with dementia their name was one thing they seemed to hang onto, except for Mrs Jenkinson the ex school teacher who pointed out to everyone that she was very definitely MRS JENKINSON and no first names were allowed. You could see everyone pull their socks up when she corrected them.
The ones I realy felt sorry for were the people who had never been known by their first names and they just looked bewildered when people used them. I discovered that my Aunt Jill was actually called Catherine when she had a heart attack, she had no idea that she was the one being adressed, Mother in Law was called Rosie at the care home and only at the funeral did the staff discover that everyone else knew her as Mary.
A lot depends on how formal the person has been throughout their lives. If someone has been known as Auntie Annie to the whole village suddenly calling her Mrs McDonald will throw both her and them.
-
personally hate it when I get the 'salesman' approach from anyone ... ie use your name (first name if they can) in every sentence
-
My Doctor, Consultant and nurses at the practice all use surnames, but the nurses have taken so much blood off me that we're on first name terms now. I don't want my GP to call me by my first name - a bit too personal when he is physically examining me I thin, same with my consultant. JMHO
-
I can't really remember what my GP calls me but they call my mum and dad by mr and mrs and we're good friends too. I find it quite nice being called by my name by them, but by what you're saying I think there are definitely superiority issues, but thats human nature. On this basis I vote we call everyone by first names, in any health service or workplace. Imagine calling your boss, so Andrew how are you today, instead of mr white :roflanim:
-
Doesn't bother me in the slightest either way and has never crossed my mind til now. So much more important stuff in life to think about.
-
It doesn't bother me what they call me so long as they do a good job.
I think the reason that Dr's and others like to use their surname is that it gives an air of professionalism.
-
Whether doctor, consultant, police officer, lord, lady or whatever, I call them "dear". They may well be offended or bewildered but it puts us all on an equal footing. (I think)
-
My recent healthcare experiences have all been to do with my daughter - all the nurses and support workers have been called by their first names, and her doctor is Dr Duncan - I actually have no idea if that's his first name or surname! All the staff call my daughter Isobel, and me Mummy!
-
I introduce myself to patients with my first name only and profession, so that they know who they are seeing. I don't tend to use their name at that stage - I'm introducing myself after all. Where I'm not sure how they prefer to be addressed I will ask something like "Can I check your name and date of birth?" and see what they use.
Some patients then use my first name, some rigidly stick to Mr ... - I'm easy with whatever they are comfortable with. After all, I'm generally not the person that needs to be put at ease.
-
I just want to know what I should call you in person FW! ???
-
In my last job at Clackmannanshire Council, everyone, from CE across the board was known by their first name, as were elected members. Respect doesn't come with a title.
-
I just want to know what I should call you in person FW! ???
Oh Madam will do fine Dan :roflanim: :roflanim: :roflanim: :roflanim: :roflanim:
I go by Juliet :bow:.
Actually I hate being called Mrs ... because that was my mother in law, and I try to be as unlike her as possible :o
-
Very interesting thread :) I work in healthcare and I do try to greet patients with "Mr/Mrs X" but sometimes I do start with their first name, and I am bad at telling them who I am (I do wear a badge). I am going to really try to check myself this week and improve.
With my job, I greet people who have checked in else where and take paperwork from them, before asking them to get changed. I have not managed to find a way of getting my name into the conversation without it seeming really contrived but I am going to make a real effort now :)
-
I go by Juliet :bow: .
Ah, that's okay then cos that's what I call you! When you said 'first given name' I thought you meant Juliet. :dunce: :D
-
When I was working in healthcare I always addressed the patient as Mr. Mrs. Miss Surname, and introduced myself as Dr Gaunt. If they asked to be addressed by their first name, I offered my name as well. I don't use my first name as I don't lie it, and have never been called by it, but all healthcare professionals insist on calling me Martha, and that is just not me! Now I am retired from healthcare I am either Mrs Gaunt or Louise, nothing else!
-
It annoys me a bit although I don't mind as much if it's a doctor/nurse I see regularly. My mother flatly refuses to call any professional by their first name and she says it lacks respect and insists on doctor or nurse, etc. She doesn't mind them using her first name as she thinks she is not as important as them, which annoys me.
I agree with Linda that it's annoying when salesmen do it. They ask for me by both names - no title - and then immediately give their first name and start to use mine. I'm tempted to tell them I'm Mrs... to them but, as I'm about to hang up on them, I don't bother. What I hate more than anything is when people abbreviate my name. I am Lesley and that is all I answer to.
I worked in a care home where I was told that one lady, name of Isabel, was always known as Isa so that is what I called her. It was her son who said that she had never been called Isa until she moved in the home.
-
I go by Juliet :bow: .
Ah, that's okay then cos that's what I call you! When you said 'first given name' I thought you meant Juliet. :dunce: :D
That's because I don't tell anyone my first name, but it is written on legal documents, hospital notes etc. It's a perfectly normal name but has unpleasant memories for me. I see I'm not the only one on here who dislikes their first name.
-
As a teacher, I get sick of being called Miss...... When I'm out of school I would MUCH rather be called by my given name even if I'm normally called by a shorten version of it.
I get married later in the year and will become Mrs X. Mrs X is my mothering law so it will take a long time to get use to that!
-
That's because I don't tell anyone my first name, but it is written on legal documents, hospital notes etc. It's a perfectly normal name but has unpleasant memories for me. I see I'm not the only one on here who dislikes their first name.
Indeed no you're not. I gave up my given name the first night at university because nobody could remember or say it correctly and at school you don't realise it's 'difficult' because you're there so long. Working in Germany it had been slightly butchered but I put that down to accent. Arriving at uni I realised it was 'too hard' and when our sub-warden in residences, a geordie guy called Dave, said could he just shorten it to Ellie, I agreed instantly and have been known as that ever since - I did get to choose how to spell it, tho I get Elle, Ele, Eli, Elly and all sorts it doesn't really matter because it's just a name. Medical and other professionals do still attempt the legal name because it's what they have, but I try and get the notes amended to aka Ellie as often as I can - dealing with a LOT of them over time it isn't always easy and my dratted GP refuses to call me anything else which is part of why I don't respect him either, he just doesn't listen even when I correct him very politely on every visit - sadly he doesn't listen much to anything else I say either, which is why I see others in the practice now if given a choice.
What I do dislike intensely is being called Miss. Legally it may be correct but that name was my elderly maiden aunt who was a music teacher at a private girls' school. Despite not being married I am over 50 and prefer the Scottish honorific of Mrs which I'm not entitled to but am given as an adult woman. Miss makes me feel like a schoolkid or my Aunt, neither of which is a good experience! And in historic correctness my older unmarried sister is Miss D, I'm Miss A D, but who's being pedantic, I don't like Miss or A so Ellie is fine, please!
-
I try to avoid any contact with health services whenever possible... But if somebody calls me by my first name, I expect to call them by their first names, too. It helps if within the organisation the bosses don't get called by their surnames when they use first names for the "lower orders". At my dentist's, for example, they all call each other by first names, and the patients as well, so that's ok with me.
I got rather pee'd off the other day when I had to fill in a form and had the choice of Mrs or Miss. That's basically asking me whether I'm married - that's none of their business - they don't ask men whether they are married, do they? Sometimes you wonder whether we are back in the middle ages, or at least in the middle of last century... ::)
-
.....and if you just write your given and family names then you will automatically be called Mr ::). Computers can't seem to cope with blank squares.
-
Thinking about it, it also annoys me when people give their first names only and then call me Mrs even when I have given my first name. Our vets do that and I've also had some health professionals do it. I'd far prefer things to be equal and both be (title) (surname) or first names, preferably the latter.
-
Thinking about it, it also annoys me when people give their first names only and then call me Mrs even when I have given my first name. Our vets do that and I've also had some health professionals do it. I'd far prefer things to be equal and both be (title) (surname) or first names, preferably the latter.
Yes, that's what I'm getting at - whichever, it should be across the board.
-
Equality rules. I've never worked anywhere where the bosses were Mr. (And they always were male; I didn't see a female boss until I became one myself!).
I had one young man took a while to get used to calling me Sally; he seemed to prefer to call me 'Boss', which I didn't mind, as it was done in a good-natured way.
I've been asked my preference at hospital recently, and been given first names by the staff helping me.
What infuriates me is being called Mrs. None of their business. I use Ms, and did throughout, when I was single, married and now divorced. I don't mind a bit if other people want to be Mrs or Miss, but I claim the right to be Ms for myself.
I even considered doing a PhD just so I could be the non-gender-specific Dr ! (I'd never have the stickability to complete a PhD, even if anyone would give me a chance at one.)
I often don't correct people who call me Mrs BH, though - how do you do that without getting into,"We live together but we're not married"? Which is none of their dang beeswax!
-
I don't care which is used as long as they are polite.
Miss and Mrs should be banned though and we should just have Mr & Ms!
-
Lets have Mister and Mistress :innocent: - that would get them thinking, but it's the original form before shortening. Actually no, I prefer given name plus family name, and if you're a doctor or whatever, then that can come after who you are. Obviously though everyone has their own preferences, so best just to ask.
-
I've also always found it unfair that young women would be called "Miss firstname" - nobody ever used "Mr firstname" - or did they? Seemed to be perfectly OK to say Miss Annie, but not Mr Davie... All part an parcel of keeping females in their place (even if it's subconscious in most cases these days...)
I once had a slight disagreement with an estate agent. I'd requested a brochure for a property they were offering for sale. After I'd not heard anything from them for a week, I reminded them (all by email). Reply: Oh - but we've sent it to your husband already! Me: Could you please introduce me to that gentleman, as I've not met him yet? Also - could you please point out on your website that you refuse to deal with single women, as I could have saved myself a lot of time and aggro??? :rant: :rant: :rant:
In the end, they sent two brochures. Didn't get an apology, though.
-
I cant say I'm terribly fussed though I do have an intense dislike of the "sir" often adopted by people trying to sell me something I don't want. If it was genuinely respectful I'd prob not mind so much but I'm convinced its on page one of the salesman's handbook and always feels smarmy.
Generally I tend to think respect ( or disrespect) is shown in far more ways than whether they call me Mr or not. I'm in my early fifties and still tend to think of my dad as Mr E..... . Oddly however when I drove him to a doctors appointment recently they addressed him as Michael, which just seemed wrong to me. I asked him about it afterwards and how he felt about it his response was " did they, I didn't notice, I was far too worried about seeing the Dr "
-
When my mum was in hospital a few years ago, the staff were calling her by her given name. I asked her if she minded, should I ask them to use the shortened form, which is what she uses herself, and she said she didn't mind, she quite liked it. I'm wondering now if she'd prefer if everyone else called her by the whole name!
-
I've also always found it unfair that young women would be called "Miss firstname" - nobody ever used "Mr firstname" - or did they? Seemed to be perfectly OK to say Miss Annie, but not Mr Davie... All part an parcel of keeping females in their place (even if it's subconscious in most cases these days...)
For young men/boys the equivalent address would have been Master Davie.
-
Sir.
yeah right !
-
I've also always found it unfair that young women would be called "Miss firstname" - nobody ever used "Mr firstname" - or did they? Seemed to be perfectly OK to say Miss Annie, but not Mr Davie... All part an parcel of keeping females in their place (even if it's subconscious in most cases these days...)
For young men/boys the equivalent address would have been Master Davie.
And why are boys Master until the reach a certain age but girls are Miss until they get married (or insist on Ms)?
-
Ah yes - and Master implies being top dog, whereas Miss implies subordination!
-
Interesting reading people's thoughts, i don't think many really think about it, i don't,
But I suppose doctors/nurses etc use Christian name message to put you at ease, can't remember what they called me, a while since I've been. I don't care as long as they get me right.
I think too much is made of Miss, Ms or Mrs, I'm proud to be Mrs,
OH doesn't use his first name, so when someone phones and asks for James I know it's telemarketing.
-
Dundee hospital staff were all first name terms for the week I was in having my son. I struggle with faces anyway and with so many drugs, infection, blood loss, shift changes, (and something more important to look at, I'd. New son) couldn't remember hardly anyone's names. Then they ask "has Emily bee to see you yet?" And I stare back... "Emily: slim, glasses..?" More staring from me "may have taken bloods?" I never knew, I felt like a pin cushion, so they always had to check my notes. I kept saying "thank you SO much for all your help!" (Then my husband would say "you haven't met her before!")
I felt bad because they made so much of an effort to befriend me but everyone looked the same in their uniforms. :(
When salesmen start using my 1st name overly I have been known to correct them to "Dr. O'Connor" and then I have all the power back and can make them answer my questions and stop prattling on with what they want to say.
I think there IS something to be said about control and power with name use by medical staff. Personally I think everyone should get their prefix and then it's a level playing field.
-
I feel the use of first names all the time is another sign of th erosion of respect for each other in society. It imparts an informality to what in many cases, is a serious and difficult time, I.e. Receiving bad news at the doctors etc. This might seem an old fashioned view, but in my my view, it is much better to start on a basis of formality, Mr, Mrs, Dr, etc, and then move on to first names if appropriate once a relationship has been established between the two parties concerned. It also avoids the embarrassment of using I liked names - I never use my first name, but our current bank manager called my Martha at our first meeting - if he had called me Mrs Gaunt Imowuld have asked him to call me Louise, avoiding me having to correct him as our first ever interchange. Bring back a bit more formality in my view, in terms of address, dress and behaviour!
-
But... I hate Miss or Mrs, so if they use the formal address, then my first sentence is a correction! I always say, "Just call me Sally", to avoid the correction, but the thing is - you can't please everyone!
-
Fortunately I have not used health care revives for over 40 years and then it was a quick A&E visit for post match stitches. What does grate on me is when you are sat opposite someone who is form filling and they ask for a Christian name. I would have thought by now that people should appreciate that many people are not Christian or have no religion.