The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: Helencus on April 05, 2010, 07:28:52 pm
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I feel really crap tonight. When I was mucking out the horse and pony earlier.. alone again .. I got hit on the face by the electric fence gate spring when trying to open the gate as I was trying to empty the barrow. Hurt so much I got all girlie and cried.
Sometimes I feel it's all a bit much... I've not been well lately and doctors don't know why. I work full time and long hours, my daughter has lost interest in her pony so I have to look after him ( love him dearly so there you go) he has laminitis so hard work. Chicks ready to hatch so excited but worried. 1 hen is showing signs of being sick and every time I dare to mention getting a little help from my OH I'm told this is my dream not his.. Love him dearly and he makes all the animal housing and does fencing etc. But day to day no chance of assistance. I guess he's right this is my dream to have a small holding he's a city boy but it'd be so nice to have a little help now and again.
Winge over sorry...
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Helen keep your chin up, sending you a hug... :)
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A long hot soak in a bubble bath with a glass of red wine followed by an early night is called for me thinks. :)
Tomorrow is a whole new day. ;D
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Yep a glass of nice red wine and a long soak in a hot bath with loads of bubbles (not the farty ones ;) I should add)
Chin up
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Helen cannot help but laugh at part of your misfortune I know I should not but are you out to out do Karen and I ? Can you remember the story? Are we a select Trio? Hope you feel better tomorrow and things come better for you XXX You deserve another X George and Kath Remember only Anne Marie gets four!
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Oh Helen, I know how you feel. It will all be better tomorrow, but it does get on top of you at times. Tell him, yes its your dream, but some help occasionally would be nice. Even just a nice cuddle when you come back inside and making you a cup of tea! It gets on top of me sometimes too, as I feel I do more than anyone else, and I'm the only one who works full time.
Beth
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Have you thought about maybe advertising for free help in return for - pony rides, eggs, fresh air and exercise? And you'd get a bit of company too. It's true that a trouble shared is a trouble halved - once you get it off your chest, it usually doesn't seem so bad, but when you're on your own, things always seem worse.
Hope tomorrow's better.
Oh, have you tried high dose magnesium for the laminitic pony? A friend of mine used it with great results - I'll see if she has the recipe if you want it.
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Your OH chose you and so your dreams!!!! I guess a lot of couples like different things, all you want is support so ask him (when he is off his guard) what his dreams are? then, depending on what they are, ask how you could help him furfil his dreams< they add...so why carn't you help me sometimes with mine..they are a reality!!!!! Sometimes you have to see the funny side ;)
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big hug Helen, And I know exactly how you feel (so don't think its just you and yours!)
and theres nothing wrong with a girlie cry now and again...
x
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us blokes are poo aint we :-[
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don't think its a 'rant at men'... just at unsupportiveness (non-gender specific) ?!
and sad times...
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don't think its a 'rant at men'... just at unsupportiveness (non-gender specific) ?!
and sad times...
But we are poo (its true)
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I just wanted to send you a hug
(http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Love/hug-035.gif)
I'm sure once you're feeling a bit better things will be fine. Things that don't usually bother me too much become really hard to deal with when I'm tired or emotional (which, with the pregnancy is LOTS lol!) Sending all my love & best wishes.
Karen xxx
And I would have to agree with Dangermouse - men are poo !
But they've got their uses ;) ;D ;D ;D
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And I would have to agree with Dangermouse - men are poo !
But they've got their uses ;) ;D ;D ;D
[/quote]
And we can buy a round at the bar....... :o
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Thanks all Reading replies and crying again. Just a bad day..
Yes George I'm in competition with you and Kath I think. I'm so fed up with feeling crap!
tomorrow is another day and please god it brings us some healthy chicks.. So for tonight pass the red wine :-))
thanks all for some much needed hugs much appreciated.
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oh Helen I know exactly how you feel. My OH had always been OK at helping with the animals, but has been crap in the past at helping with the children. It all changed after I asked for a separation - he is now much better. Never does the homework though, but at least he is here now instead of golfing, mountain biking, drinking....... I'm not suggesting for one minute that you should do what I did. I wasn't bluffing, but he refused to go and now we are muddling along.
The problem is that if you went into your relationship with him making it crystal clear that small holding was your dream and not his and he didn't want to be part of it then you are stuck really. I think you need to find a way to get him to help everynow and again, but not have high expectations of him. Its probably worth also remembering that if he did help you would probably feel grateful, but also think that you do a much better job! Its not easy living such busy lives is it. I can be bombing round the house doing things and my OH will just be watching TV - it drives me nuts!
Hope you feel a bit better tomorrow and i hope the chicken is feeling better too.
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It could be worse,
you could be married to me.............now that would be a nightmare (Im really poo)
;)
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Now DM I don't believe you could be that poo. ;D
My Oh is actually a really great guy and he's mortified I keep blubbing tonight. He's just so used to me being super capable that he forgets that I mean it when I say I feel crap and I need help.
Thing is we've been together forever really and we both grew up in a big city. I grew up watching the good life. He grew up watching something else entirely. I never expected that I would ever manage to afford to own land and raise animals and grow veg so not sure how obvious I was when we got together about my dreams, so now that I've been lucky enough to earn enough to pay to do this as a 'hobby' and I use that term loosely considering how much hard work it is, I can't really blame him for feeling agrieved when I ask him to help with my animals.
I have no intention or desire to seperate from him cause he really is a great hubby he's just not as into small holding as I am, but he loves me so he'll help for the next day or so then get fed up :-)) after that well who knows. I'll hopefully be back to mrs super capable soon..
Rosemary any helpful advice for the ponys lami very much appreciated.
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I've been lucky, both my late husbands were very good at helping - the first one with the kids and the dogs, and the second one with the animals, and training the dogs. But then I was sneaky ;) If I ever felt really bad I used to burst into tears. Men can't handle a crying woman that they love. In your case, you don't nfeel well. Go to your bed,then they will have to do your chores! ;) ;D ;D
But seriously, I agree with Rosemary about trading help for pony rides, eggs or anything else you can offer. And also ask him what his dreams are. Maybe he can be traded with too
Either way, chin up, sweetheart- have another lass of red with me ;D
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Thanks Annie. I have asked him what his dreams are and mostly he says ' I dunno' I think it involves retiring to Devon or somewhere hot. I don't mind Devon but no way do I fancy hot ergo Spain. I'm a Brit through and through. I could live in beautiful Scotland Wales England or Ireland but don't want to be far away from my dad and family.
He's always been super helpful with kids washing, ironing and other housework which is why i say he really is a super hubby and he does love me to bits. He just doesn't do animals much.. My bad really ...
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You should think about what Rosemary and Annie have said. It's not something I have ever done, but then we generally just have the goats. But I know someone who just does that. She has an entire team of teenage helpers, who help with feeding, grooming, mucking out all in exchange for some riding, and just being with the animals in that countryside environment which a lot of people don't get a chance to enjoy. Not only do they help with the ponies of which she has about 10, they help with the goats, chooks etc as well.
Men are poo, my OH is rubbish at helping at most things, especially in the house. But he does have his uses. I wonder if it would be any better if us women had female partners? Probably not!
Beth
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Men are poo, my OH is rubbish at helping at most things, especially in the house. But he does have his uses. I wonder if it would be any better if us women had female partners? Probably not!
DEFINITELY not! I can think of a lot of uses I could make of a male partner if I could find one that would live with me and 5 dogs, a cat, 4 ducks, and 9 chickens ;) They're better at hitting things with my sledgehammer for a start ;)
I used to get that 'dunno' from both of mine. If Sandy could come home to his meal on the table, play with the kids/dogs, go to dog shows and swan around speaking to folk while I got on with the serious stuff of showing the dogs and watching the kids didn't annoy anyone, he was happy. If John could train the dogs in the morning, read his climbing books in the afternoon, have his meal put on the table for him and go climbing whenever he wanted, he was happy. Both spoke about emigrating to France where it was warm - so perhaps that's where they both are now ;) ;D ;D
Any offers for hubby number three - or is every man carrying a barge pole these days (to keep me at a distance - losing one is unfortunate, two is carelessness ;D ;D ;D)
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Thanks Beth. The problem I have with advertising for help is where I live if anyone wants to get Involed with ponies etc. Mommy and daddy buy them one... I did advertise for someone to ride and help with the pony over the winter but had absolutely no interest at all.. I even asked the pony club but no one was interested in a pony who wasn't a great jumper who had to stay here.
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I know what you're saying Annie. I love my man and I'm glad he's in my life.. Could throttle him often but oh well .. The red wine is kicking in now things don't seem so bad.. Probably feel very bad tomorrow though. darn..
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I know what you're saying Annie. I love my man and I'm glad he's in my life.. Could throttle him often but oh well .. The red wine is kicking in now things don't seem so bad.. Probably feel very bad tomorrow though. darn..
Just trying to cheeer you up, Helen. ;D Men aren't poo at all, they just don't always think deep enough to come up with the right solution at the right time. ::) I miss both of mine like hell, and have made a new life near my kids and grandkids, but I'd jump at the chance of doing it all again if the right man came along to woo me .............. and my dogs ;)............and my cat ;) ........... and my ducks ;)........................and my chickens ;)..................and my kids ;)............... and my grandkids ;) ;D ;D ;D
Hope you feel really good tomorrow :bouquet: :love: :wave:
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Thanks Annie me too
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Yes, it does get too much sometimes, especially at this time of year. We have slogged through the long winter, Spring is here, or we thought it was, now back to rain, mud, and more mud. Animals all starving and wanting more and more food, we plod out there again, mucking out, carrying water, feeding, it all seems never ending.
My OH's attitude is they are my animals, its my problem. Thats why I started the tea time round at 6pm and it was 10pm when I got in tonight. The most my OH will do to help is throw some hay to the bigger ponies. I admit I do struggle sometimes, but what keeps me going is that hopefully the better weather will be here soon, things will get a little easier, and it will all look better.
Although, I have to say, my OH did redeem himself today when my old horse of 31 got down in the field. He brought his precious old Range Rover into the field, and after the horse was shot, he pulled her down to the lane, for the slaughterman.
Hopefully tomorrow, things will look brighter for you.
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Chin up Helen, now how it feels although this morning when I fainted due to back pain Hubby was there to help. Hope the pony brightens up soon.
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Helen know just how you feel. The long drag up to the far pigs with a wheelbarrow of food, then do it again with water. Back hurts, its raining, mud pulling against me. Then things that should be good or supportive become burdens because ..... (loads of reasons), but tomorrow it will get better. (If the bank statement doesnt turn up of course).
Even Paradise has its down days.
But you have found the perfect solution - come on here and chat to all of us - dont bottle it up that makes it worse.
Sending you an e-hug. HM
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Its the other way round with me and my better half....Im the one with 200 snakes.......2000 rodents.....4 dogs......tortoices....and now buying a smallholding ::)
Wifey is definately a star to put up with me :bouquet:
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Don't you believe 'em DM Today will be yesterday tomorrow And it'll still be raining and the pigs still need feeding etc;etc as the King of Siam said.I say I don't know why I bother! Oh me Oh my, but what else would we do with our time :D ;D :farmer:
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Thanks all. Today is going to be a better day I have decided. It's started well, we have a chick. Hopefully we'll get a few more throughout today.
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Hello Helen I hope so to I'm awaiting the Doctor Its a beautiful day here in Gy the sun shines brightly and the bods are singing.Maybe its a new start and all the winter moans can be forgoten Look on the bright side love the only way from here is UP ;D :farmer:
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Morning George. It's a beautiful day here in Leicestershire too. Hopefully the mud will start to dry up and things will get a bit easier now. Here's hoping we've finally seen the back of winter for all of us.
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Its a beautiful here in West Africa today......sun shining and its not raining (thats a bonus)
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I am sure we all get our down days, I know I get mine.
Its bloody hard work sometimes just to hold things together and even harder when you dont see anyone all day to confide in, thank god for the AS forum :)
I hope the day goes as well as its started for you.
Head up.
Baz
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Hey up DM Where is W Africa From what you and I have said its just down the road a piece ways lol I have great trouble deciding if the poster is a boy or a girl.You ask hermit lol.hermit did you see there are now three of us that know? ??? ;D ;D :farmer:
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Hey Wiz, well I live in Norfolk but work down on Bioko Island. Its a small island off the coast of Equtorial Guinea
and its not as exciting as its sounds ;D
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Thanks DM I honestly thought you were somewhere semi local.I don't do exotic mate 68F is just grand for me I am OK at 70f but no more I really do get puffed when it is warmer so I don't think I would like Bloko Island Is there a lot of nasty biting thing to go with the hot weather? ;D :farmer:
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You wouldnt like it here mate its 130F and really humid
and yep there are loads of nasty beasties in the jungle..... :o
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Wifey is definately a star to put up with me
I totally agree, DM - after all "men are poo" ;D ;D ;D
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Wifey is definately a star to put up with me
I totally agree, DM - after all "men are poo" ;D ;D ;D
But we are good at some things ;)
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I could comment Annie but you will only be upset so wot's up wi Olaf
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Come on Wizard........spill the beans ;)
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Olaf is dying - fast - watch this space - he may be gone before you can wink ;)
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Olaf is dying - fast - watch this space - he may be gone before you can wink ;)
I must be missing something here?
Is Olaf your pet name for somethging rude? :o
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Olaf is dying - fast - watch this space - he may be gone before you can wink ;)
I must be missing something here?
Is Olaf your pet name for something rude? :o
No, nothing so exciting, DM ;) It was the ticker meter for my weight, but George kept watching me not losing any weight so Olaf has gone (Olaf was George's nickname for the 'turtle on a go slow' ;D ;D)
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Olaf is dying - fast - watch this space - he may be gone before you can wink ;)
I must be missing something here?
Is Olaf your pet name for something rude? :o
No, nothing so exciting, DM ;) It was the ticker meter for my weight, but George kept watching me not losing any weight so Olaf has gone (Olaf was George's nickname for the 'turtle on a go slow' ;D ;D)
phewwwwww thats ok then, I think I mind must be getting corrupted on here ;D
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That's what I meant about ring leaders lowering the tone. I'm being corrupted too - and that's not easy or a Mother of two, Grannie of three, twice widowed, with a GP for a son-in-law ;)
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DM long ago my eldest son Read the Sun newspaper and on the back page was a comic strip with Hagar the Horrible and he encountered a turtle which he and Eddie called Olaf I had forgoten him until Annie had one on her tickerWhich I called Olaf and he has been hibernating lately or frozen cos he hasn't moved :D
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That's what I meant about ring leaders lowering the tone. I'm being corrupted too - and that's not easy or a Mother of two, Grannie of three, twice widowed, with a GP for a son-in-law ;)
Good fun though isnt it ;D
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Annie love can I change your name now to Grannie Annie ?
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Although, I have to say, my OH did redeem himself today when my old horse of 31 got down in the field. He brought his precious old Range Rover into the field, and after the horse was shot, he pulled her down to the lane, for the slaughterman.
Sorry to hear about your old girl, have you had her all those years?
Hope everyone is having a better day?!
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Yes today is a good day. Sun is out, I'm off work chicks are hatching..apart from the black eye from the whack from the fence spring all good ;D. Hope everyone else is having a good day
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Yes today is a good day. Sun is out, I'm off work chicks are hatching..apart from the black eye from the whack from the fence spring all good ;D. Hope everyone else is having a good day
Hi helen, I always have a good day (well sometimes anyway)
Looks like the red wine did the trick ;D
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(and if your o/h continues to wind you up Helen, just put the word out you've got a black eye... and its his fault! )
;) :o
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and more than likely end up with one forsure ;D ;D ;D
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Nah he wouldn't dare! Mind I had an eye test today and he made a particular point of telling the optician it wasn't him.. I was tempted to say it was but doubt he'd see the funny side lol!
Yes DM red wine did the trick also shedding a few tears and picking up a black eye seems to have done wonders for the offers of help. OH insisted on fertilising the hay paddock for me today with a walking spreader. Also offered to come and help muck out. Wonders will never cease!!!
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good to see your better today.....it must have been the black eye ;D
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Annie love can I change your name now to Grannie Annie ?
Do you have a hammer there, Wiz? You've hit the nail right slap bang on the head. My grandchildren all call me Grannie Annie because their other Grandmother wanted to be called Grannie and so did I so I got the double barrelled version! All the local kids and my friends kids call me that too. ;D ;D John used to call me ATG (Annie the Grannie - mainly because of my white hair, which I have had since my son was born when I was 30! ::))
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Taking about names for relatives, we have 1 grandson/great grandson between us and we have Grandma, Mammar, Grammy (me) Nanny and Nan! Plus vairous Grandads. :)
Poor confused little boy! ;D
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I want grandchildren!!!!!!!!!!!!! So far have a pig, not really a substitute!!!!
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Hello Hillie.The great thing I find with Great grand kids (the grand children are over 21 now) its grand to shout hello darling is mummy with you but its greater 3 hrs later to say ta ta Being absolutely knackered physically and mentally with all the shouting and screaming Oh deary me I must be gettin ode! ;D :farmer:
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:) when my children came along they decided to call their nans nan trouble is mum & nan live on the same farm so between my two they decided big nan and little nan, grandad & grandad john worked well until my two both had their own children both now 3 the grandson got mixed up and thought we were calling little nan (shes 4 ft 10") little man and it has stuck so we have nana (me) grandad barry (oh) nan (my mum) grandad john (my dad) and grandad the granddaughter has two other sets of grand parents that she calls nan & grandad lucy & domi after their dogs.
all i can say is they have a better memory than me with all those names to keep up with.
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You're right chickenfeed in some circles I'm Grandad George. David is Grandad David's OH is Grannie Annie ::)
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Im not a grandad yet...but I am just a baby myself......45 going 18 ;D
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George you have Great grandchildren, wow, by the time I get them I will be at least 110. I am totally jealous!!!!!!!! Assuming anyone in our family ever reproduces that is. My sister 10 years younger than me is a Grannie 3 times over. So unfair!!!!! :-\ :-[
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My partner is a Grandad of sorts and he is a tad younger than me :-[...I am nutty nanna ;)
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Little story Hilary's mum The eldest GGC is a boy he's quite a small child for seven but Grandad David thinks the world of him and they often go to Lincoln for tea on Saturday."Where do you go for tea James Mc Donalds?" "No Donalds s**t Grandad says so"What should I have said when I stopped laughing? Cannot believe you are a nutty nanna Sandy.Is it to do with this story of mine that its nice to see the Grand Children come but its a bluddi sight nicer to see them go ;D ;D :farmer:
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Glad your feeling better Helen, believe me you are not alone. however the sun is shining today and things are looking up, the ground is drying and I am full of hope for making things easier here next winter, and I think thats been a lot of the problem it has been a very long hard winter. We had friends coming to stay from London over Easter and just before they were due to arrive It started to hammer with rain. I had turned the ponies out earlier and had gone home, showered , washed and blowdried my hair and put on 'decent' clothes. because we only have limited land I raced out to put the ponies back into the stables. My hair was ruined, they splashed me with mud and then I saw my friends very smart clean car pulling up with my friend getting out lookin manicured. they haddened seen me and just for a moment I could have thrown myself down in the mud and cried. It was only that I would have been such a strange sight the neighbours would have sent the men in white coats to collect me that I pulled myself together and went in to greet them. But I do know exactly how you feel. :)
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Forgot to ask how the cleanliness went J you told us about the uninvited lets go to the country lot from the city ??? :wave:
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Oh Jackie I am so with you.. I have so many friends and family that pop in just as I look at my absolute small holding 'best' muddy jods muddy boots crappy top, hair looking like it's not seen a comb for a bloody year.. I smile, I say hi, I really think oh shxt! Why didnt you bloody phone to see if it was convenient! Now in the week 9 - 5 I'm an office worker so I wear suits and blouses etc. You would never equate ' home' me and work me, but you know what I think 'home' me is really genuinely me so sod everyone else, who gives a shxt if I look a bag of rags beats their city lifestyles IMHO. ;D
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You are right Helen What you see is what you get if you call here the mugs are clean the water fresh and the milk who knows it says best before date --/--/2010 and tea or coffee the same.I don't go and get washed and polished just because someone though lets call at George and Kath's we are sure to get a cuppa.Always pleased to see most folk but they take us as we are or don't bother calling :D :farmer: