The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: cameldairy on October 07, 2009, 04:27:43 pm
-
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door
> neighbor's dog, which has been in the backyard barking for hours.
> The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this",
> and goes downstairs.
>
> When she finally comes back to bed, her husband says, "The dog is
> still barking, what have you been doing?"
>
> The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard...let's see how THEY like it!"
>
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> Lynn and Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity
> House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail
> pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
>
> Judy - figuring this was worth looking into - asked, 'Why are you throwing
> those nails away?' Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch,
> about half of them have the head on the wrong end so I throw them away.'
>
> Completely upset Judy yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective...
> they're for the other side of the house!'
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
>
> They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> You might have to think twice about this one..NOT:
>
> A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her
> index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor
> asked.
>
> 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
>
> 'What?' sputtered the doctor, you tried to commit suicide by shooting off
> your finger?'
>
> 'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I
> thought, 'I just paid $6, 000 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in
> the chest.'
>
> 'So then?' asked the doctor.
>
> 'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000
> to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'
>
> 'So then?'
>
> 'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought, this is going to make a very
> loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the Trigger.
>
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
> hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to
> a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided
> to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really
> hard, and all the dents would pop out.
>
> So the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees, and started
> blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened, so she blew a little harder,
> and still nothing happened.
>
> Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first
> blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail
> pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes
> and said, 'Uh, like h-e-l-l-o! You need to roll up the windows first!!'
>
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos.
> She was quite fascinated by it, picked it up, and took it to the clerk to ask
> what it was.
>
> The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos....it keeps hot things hot, and cold
> things cold.'
>
> 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!' So she
> bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
>
> Her boss saw it on her desk and asked, 'What's that?'
>
> 'Why, that's a thermos...it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,'
> she replied.
>
> Her boss inquired, 'So what do you have in it?'
>
> The blond replied, 'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
-
;D ;D ;D
Although I'm not a blonde (more grey than anything else !) I do still have 'blonde' moments, none quite as funny as these though................................or this-
My sister lived in Glasgow for a while (after growing up in the country) and one Sunday morning there were workmen digging up the road outside her flat, she was most upset and asked them if they could stop making so much noise (cue laughs and sniggers from said workmen) they continued working so Laura, in her wisdom, phoned the police to complain - on 999 ! Needless to say she got a right rollicking from the police officer who answered the phone ;) And rightly so !
Or my cousin (who is blonde AND has a PHD) who phoned directory enquiries for a phone number, they asked for the name and address and she gave them her's ! and she couldn't understand why the operator was in fits of laughter when she tried to explain that she already knew her number !
He He He ;)
-
;D ;D ;D ;D Keep 'em coming!