The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: Troubled Waters on September 09, 2009, 03:40:26 pm
-
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on.......
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
-
Love it - anymore peoples out there know some more of these ???
Why is Jesus always depicted as a white man when he must have been coloured?
Why do people in Yorkshire say there going UP to London, when its obviously Down to London?
Why do kids always want to know why - when they are unable to understand the answer?
Why does the phone always ring when you are on your own AND in the loo?
-
;DLove them,
I always wounder why you always look your worst when you want to look your best and when it dosen't matter you look usualy good?
Why dose jam on toast nearly always land jam side down?
Why do you always get a long awaited phone call when you are doing something else?
When anything good is going on we always get other invites or cannot go.
Why do you see just what you want in shops when you have no money but when you go out to buy something, you cannot find anything you want.
Strange how we spend ages teaching our babies to walk and talk then the rest of thier lives trying to shut them up and keep track of them.
Why do we get hairier in places where we don't want hair and for men, less hair where we do?
-
And whoever thought up the spelling for "dyslexia"?
-
THe same person who made the name up for runny poooo's, carn't spell that one either ;)
-
Why is it that the second I answer the phone either the kids or the dogs find something mischievous to do
-
THe same person who made the name up for runny poooo's, carn't spell that one either ;)
Dash, In A Rush, Run, Hurry, Or Else Accident!
DIARRHOEA!!
-
I am a dyslexic annorexic
(http://smileyicons.net/s/420.gif)(http://smileyicons.net/s/420.gif)(http://smileyicons.net/s/420.gif)
-
Shall have to cut and paste that for futre sick notes ;)
-
Oh TW.... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D...fantastic...made me laugh out loud...no my wife thinks I'm talking to another woman!
Farmer ::)
:farmer:
-
Why if you Pray to God and talk to God you are a good Christian?
But
If you hear God talking to you, you are a Schitzophrenic, Crazy or considered Mentally Ill ? Mad or what ;D
-
When will I die?
How long will I live?
Will I ever win the Lotto?
How long is a piece of string?
-
Who's are those knickers in the glove box?
-
Mine ;D ;Dspare pair is always good!
-
Why do midges and mozzies bite me and not hubster?
Why does said hubster wake me up screaming but can sleep through his own noise?
Are zedbras white with balck stripes or black with white stripes?
Whay isn't a butterfly called a flutterby as that's what they do?
Why is sunny when I'm at work and rainy when I am at home?
If you looked through my eyes would the trees still look green to you or is it because we are told trees are green but actually they are all different colours to everyone?
Why is an orange an orange but a lemon isn't a yellow?
Why doesn't anything rhyme with orange?
Who put so many 't's in stutter?